3 Ways To Tell If Someone Finds You Attractive
If someone has the hots for you, there will always be a way to tell. Here's how to look out for these subtle signs.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 12, 2024
Sometimes it can be obvious when someone likes you. You might notice them laughing at your worst jokes or making any excuse to touch you—like the old "comparing hand sizes for fun." An even clearer sign is when they find you beautiful even at your worst, as one Reddit user humorously noted, "when they think you're beautiful on days you look like a rusted lawn mower."
Another user shared, "My wife still almost starts jump-walking if she sees me coming from the other direction. It's adorable. Like she wants to walk faster but she also wants to jump, so every step is a little leap."
While these examples highlight unmistakable signs of deep affection that are easy to spot, recognizing if someone likes you before a strong bond forms can be much more challenging.
People might not always be overt about their feelings, and their words and actions may not always align. However, subconscious signs can reveal someone's attraction toward you. By tuning into these cues, you can better understand when someone is interested in you.
Here are three signs to pay attention to, as outlined by research.
1. Prolonged Eye Contact
One of the most telling subconscious signs of attraction is prolonged eye contact. People who are attracted to another person tend to maintain eye contact longer than usual, driven by a desire to connect and understand the other person better.
This behavior often manifests in seeking opportunities to catch your gaze, even if they haven't met you yet. They might make constant eye contact or look away when you catch them, only to look back again when you glance away. Even when they do know you, you might often find them looking at you, sometimes to the point of getting lost in their thoughts, and you'd have to pull them back.
Those moments signal, "You have my attention," which can be a significant first step in showing their interest in you.
A 2014 study published in Psychological Science found that eye gaze can reveal whether a person feels love or lust. When participants thought about love, they spent more time looking at the face of the person. When thinking about lust, unsurprisingly, participants focused more on the body.
2. Mirroring
Mirroring, when expressing attraction, is the subconscious act of mimicking the gestures, posture, movements or speech patterns of someone you're drawn to. It's a nonverbal way of saying, "I'm interested and I admire you." This behavior fosters a sense of harmony and rapport, making interactions feel more comfortable and engaging. When someone mirrors you, it subtly shows their desire to build a bond.
Imagine you are on a date at a cozy café. Every time you sip your drink, your date also takes a sip of theirs. When you lean in to speak more closely, your date mirrors the gesture by leaning in as well.
As you share a funny story and laugh, your date smiles and laughs in sync with you, reflecting your facial expressions. You rest your hand on the table; moments later, your date does the same. When you speak in a lively tone—your date matches your energy and pace, creating a harmonious flow in the conversation.
These subconscious imitations of your actions, expressions and speech suggest that your date is attracted to you and is trying to create a deeper connection by aligning their behaviors with yours.
A 2016 study suggests that romantically involved individuals automatically imitate their partners more than close platonic friends. This automatic imitation is linked to relationship quality and adult attachment style, indicating deeper connection and attraction.
3. Change In Voice
Lastly, changes in voice tone can indicate attraction. When someone is attracted to another person, their voice often becomes softer and more modulated. This change is a subconscious attempt to appear more attractive and engaging to the person of interest.
A 2018 study found that both men and women modulate their voice pitch based on their date's desirability. The study highlights that dynamic voice modulation, such as lowering or raising pitch, is a strategic behavior used to communicate attraction and increase perceived attractiveness.
These subtle and often subconscious vocal changes reflect a person's interest and intention to appeal to their date.
Here are the key findings of the study:
- Voice pitch changes with attraction. Men lower their voices, and women raise their voices when speaking to someone they prefer.
- Influence of desirability. Both sexes modulate their pitch based on the desirability of their date. Women increase their pitch for preferred men who aren't highly desired by others, while men lower their pitch more for women they prefer who are less desired by others.
- Impact on perceived attractiveness. Men with lower-pitched voices and women with softer voices are generally seen as more desirable.
Often unnoticed or misinterpreted, these signs offer a deeper glimpse into genuine affection and the desire to connect. So, the next time you wonder about someone's feelings, pay close attention to these hidden cues—they might reveal more than words ever could.
Are you curious to learn more about attraction in the workplace? Learn by taking: Interpersonal Attraction Scale (Task Attraction)
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.