3 Key Factors To Keep In Mind If You're Raising A 'Glass Child'

The siblings of unwell children are placed in a very unique and challenging position. Here's how to become a better parent to these 'glass children.'

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 14, 2024

Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world, but simultaneously is one of the most fulfilling too. Although there's few greater joys than watching children—through your guidance—grow into their own person, this high-reward job comes with equally high risks. The stress of being unable to know whether you're doing a good job or raising them to be a good person can be debilitating at times.

This already stressful job can become even more taxing when a child falls chronically ill or struggles with disabilities. In such situations, parents become unsung heroes—they do anything and everything to ensure their unwell child can live a life as comfortable as possible. It can be a tiring, thankless job, but it is the most honorable of all.

However, many fail to realize that the stress of this duty is not shouldered by parents alone. Amidst this struggle, it's easy to overlook the silent companions on this journey: the siblings of unwell children. While these "glass children" may not bear the physical burden of illness, they are placed in a unique position that comes with its own set of challenges. Here's how parents of glass children can offer them the often overlooked support that's essential for their well-being.

1. Feeling Invisible

The term "glass child" is both poignant and enlightening, reflected by the findings of research from the Journal of Community and Applied Psychology. In this study, researchers interviewed 16 siblings of disabled or chronically ill children to uncover common themes between their lived experiences.

The first and most common theme among these siblings was the feeling of being invisible. Many siblings within the study described being overlooked within their lives, as if living in the shadow of their siblings' sickness. The authors highlighted the large disparity between the attention received by unwell children and their glass siblings. Constantly being trusted to fend for themselves, being left unattended—even the lack of a simple, "And how are you doing?"—can make a glass child feel like an afterthought.

This universal experience of being constantly overshadowed by the needs and concerns of their unwell siblings is what led to the establishment of the term "glass child." These children may often feel see-through or invisible, as if their needs are unseen and unheard, perceived as unimportant in comparison to their siblings' struggles. The term itself encapsulates the sensation of fragility, vulnerability and invisibility these siblings experience in their day-to-day lives.

While caring for an unwell child requires significant attention and resources, it's equally important to allocate time and attention to the well-being of all children in the family. For parents, it's crucial that the needs of their healthy children are attended to just as much as their unwell children. With dedicated one-on-one time and extra effort placed into bonding, parents can ensure their glass children do not feel unsupported or neglected.

2. Internalization Of Family Roles

The second common experience for glass children is the psychological burden that comes with internalization of family roles. Glass children may feel obligated to live up to the expectation of being the "perfect sibling"—one that always helps when needed, with a smile on their face, and never complains, given their comparatively good health.

Glass children may feel unentitled to voicing any concerns, complaints or grievances they may have, as they may believe their struggles pale in comparison to those of their siblings, and that it would be inconsiderate to have such feelings. Because of this, glass children often repress their negative emotions. Multiple participants in the study expressed not realizing they too were facing their own physical and mental health battles until much later in life, having pushed it aside in favor of being a good sibling.

The suppression of emotions and the internalization of family roles can have significant long-term effects on glass children. It's of utmost importance for parents to emphasize to their glass children that they should never feel afraid to ask for help or support, regardless of their health status. Parents should reassure them that their happiness is just as important as their sibling's, that they're not alone in their experiences, and their health matters far more than being the "perfect sibling."

3. Feeling Guilt And Shame For Being Independent

The third universal theme uncovered within the study was feeling guilty for leading—or even wanting to lead—an independent life. Glass children are often expected to be a constant source of support for their ill siblings, and may even take on the role of a secondary caregiver after their parents. Because of this, glass children may feel as though using their spare time for personal pursuits, or even for school or work obligations, is a selfish choice.

Many glass children within the study expressed extreme shame and guilt for being unable to constantly be there for their siblings, for leaving home to pursue higher education, and even for their personal successes that their siblings would be unable to achieve. The juxtaposition of desiring freedom and independence with feeling guilty for abandoning their sibling can be incredibly confusing and inhibiting for a glass child.

If your glass child expresses feeling guilt or obligation towards their unwell sibling, remind them that they should never sacrifice their own dreams for someone else's sake. Emphasize that they're not responsible for their sibling's well-being, and acting in accordance with that fact does not make them selfish or blameworthy. Reassure them that pursuing personal success is commendable, not selfish, and that they deserve to chase their dreams without reservation.

As parents navigate the challenges of caring for a sick child, it's easy for the needs of their healthy siblings to inadvertently slip through the cracks. It's essential for parents to recognize the importance of ensuring their love and affection are not spread thin in their caregiving endeavors.

Is exhaustion from parental duties leading you to be neglectful? Take the Parental Burnout Assessment to learn more.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.