Does Listening To Heartbreak Music Help You Move On? A Therapist Weighs In
Pop music is designed to make you feel a certain way, but it sometimes causes more harm than good.
By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | April 15, 2023
People who come to therapy after experiencing a difficult breakup often mention that they have been turning to music as a source of emotional release. They sometimes ponder questions like:
- "Why am I drawn to sad music after a breakup?"
- "Is it healthy to seek solace in the same breakup song over and over again?"
- "Is listening to sad songs making me cynical about my love life?"
It is clear that music holds immense power to move us. A 2015 study found that one key reason behind the phenomenon has to do with the 'default mode network,' which is a set of interconnecting brain networks involved in conscious awareness, self-reflection, and autobiographical memories and emotions. When we experience emotional pain such as going through a breakup, our default mode network can be thrown out of whack. Listening to our preferred music can flip it back into gear – engendering a sense of familiarity and safety in the midst of a tumultuous period.
The jury is still out, however, on whether matching sad music to a sad emotional state is actually therapeutic. Here are two findings that may help clarify your questions about how listening to sad songs affects you after a breakup.
#1. Some people are more prone to negative emotions from sad songs
A 2021 paper published in the journal Psychology of Music found that people listen to sad music for aesthetic pleasure, to cope with negative emotions, and to find comfort. Individuals high in personality traits such as absorption, empathy, and openness to experience were found to be more likely to appreciate sad music and rely on it to work through their difficult emotions.
Additionally, the study showed that a significant number of adolescents (17%), particularly girls, were negatively affected by listening to sad music. These findings suggest that while sad music may not have a universal effect on mood, certain individuals, especially those with a specific set of personality traits, may be more susceptible to experiencing negative emotions due to sad songs.
As a listener, you need to understand that not everything you hear in a song is based on reality. So, while sad pop songs can be appreciated for their artistic sensibilities (and can sometimes even help improve your mood), relying on them for mental health support is not advised as they can sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally, glamorize mental health issues.
If you are experiencing distress or suspect that a breakup is affecting your life in self-destructive ways, reach out to a mental health professional who is trained to effectively deal with such a situation.
#2. Breakup songs can make it harder to move on from an old relationship
An over-reliance on heartbreak anthems to get you through a difficult breakup can make you feel like you are trapped in a constant state of separation from your former partner.
A study published in PLOS ONE found that nostalgia, not necessarily sadness, is the most likely emotion one experiences when listening to a sad song. While it may be comforting to reminisce about happier times with an ex, constantly dwelling on the past can prevent someone from moving on and forming new romantic connections in the future.
Sad songs have their place in dealing with a breakup initially, as they can help you look at your old relationship and cherish the good memories and examine the unhappy ones. However, research cautions against ruminating on the things you or your ex could have done differently as it can quickly go from an innocent trip down memory lane to an exercise in pointing fingers.
Conclusion
Open discussions about mental health are now commonplace in pop culture and vernacular, which is a welcome change to the status quo. However, this can sometimes lead to a glamorized depiction of sadness. It's crucial to seek professional help for any serious distress you may experience due to heartbreak.