3 Ways To Safely Explore Your 'Extreme Sexual Kinks'

Psychological research reveals how partners can live out their wildest sexual fantasies, without any risks.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 07, 2024

Everyone has sexual fantasies, but each fantasy is as unique as the individual. As one study published this February in the Journal of Sex Research points out, "the content of fantasies varies widely, with themes like exhibitionism, sadism and masochism commonly reported." This is especially true when it comes to people known as 'Kinksters"—people who consensually engage in sexual kinks.

Kinks are described as a non-conventional sexual practice or concept. For kinksters, exploring such fantasies in real life can feel both exciting and empowering. However, when venturing into more extreme sexual kinks, there is a need for caution, as these practices often involve elements that challenge safety, both physically and emotionally.

Autassassinophilia, for example, is a sexual kink in which a person is aroused by the thought of being in a life-threatening situation. For some, this means staging scenarios where a couple pretends to be unsafe to gain satisfaction. However, one study in Sexuality and Culture shows that when taken to the extreme, this particular kink can be hazardous.

A 2020 study in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour discusses a couple that found this out the hard way. The troubling case was initially planned as a staged kidnapping that was thrilling and consensual for both parties, but as the scenarios became more intense, the boundaries between fantasy and reality began to blur. Eventually, this led to an incident where the "kidnapping" was mistaken for an actual crime by a passerby, resulting in legal trouble for the couple involved.

The study cautions that sexual appetites that push boundaries can also blur the lines of consent. While one partner may initially consent to a particular act, they might later feel things went too far. This shift in perception can create a sense of violation, causing psychological distress for both individuals.

In another example set out in the same study, an expert witness recalled a case between a man and a woman in which the man had joked about grabbing the woman's genital area in public—an act controversially nicknamed "Trumping." The woman initially consented to the act but later filed charges when the man followed through. As a result, both parties were left feeling violated and betrayed.

How to Practice Safe Kinks

So, how do law-abiding citizens engage in thrilling sexual encounters without putting themselves or their partners at risk?

Here are three practical tips to ensure that adventurous sexual play remains exciting, consensual and safe:

Prioritize safe sex. Practicing safe sex includes the consistent use of condoms and other barrier methods to protect against STIs, as well as regular testing and open communication about any relevant sexual history. In more extreme scenarios, this can also involve keeping any necessary safety equipment handy, but it is best not to take any risks that can cause harm.
Be strict about consent. Ensure that consent is clear, enthusiastic and continuous. Consent can be revoked at any time, and it is crucial to respect this decision immediately. Have thorough conversations about each person's boundaries and preferences before engaging in any activity. Agreeing on safe words or signals is also essential in intense role-playing scenarios, allowing participants to pause or stop if needed.
Make informed decisions. For those interested in exploring extreme kinks, it is essential to seek out reliable information and consider discussing these interests with a sex therapist or healthcare provider. There are also safer ways to indulge in fantasies, such as through role-playing games or simulations that do not involve real physical danger, or in virtual setttings.

By staying informed and mindful of the risks, individuals can explore sexual interests in a way that enhances their lives without endangering their well-being or that of others. Individuals interested in these behaviors must take a thoughtful and cautious approach, prioritizing safety, consent and communication at every step.

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A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.