Does A Breakup With An AI Chatbot Hurt As Much As One With A Human?

Human–AI relationships are becoming more and more common, and consequently, so are human–AI breakups. Here's what they're like.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 23, 2024

As AI systems become increasingly sophisticated, mimicking human traits like empathy, humor and kindness, they are capable of providing companionship that feels remarkably real.

This has led many individuals to develop strong emotional connections with AI companions, sometimes even falling in love with them. But what happens when such a relationship comes to an end?

A study published this month in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined the effects of losing a beloved AI companion through the developer-induced shutdown of EvolveAI's "Soulmate," which abruptly ceased functioning on October 1st, 2023.

On app stores, Soulmate was described as a "chatbot that desires only to be your best friend, lover, partner, or in other words, a person you can rely on 24/7," signaling that it is perpetually reliable. This made its loss shocking to many users.

Jaime Banks, author of the study, asked users about their experiences with this loss and their coping mechanisms. She found that such "breakups" were a complex emotional experience, similar to the end of a human relationship.

"Because social machines are designed to specifically simulate social processes to produce emotional connections, it is perhaps unsurprising that people with AI companions experience their loss as a meaningful and impactful event," Banks explains.

Here are two ways losing an AI companion can affect users like a human break-up would, according to the study.

1. They Experience Real Grief

On average, participants spent almost 17 hours a week interacting with their AI. In this time, users had developed cherished memories with their "Soulmate." Through textual roleplaying, they talked about music, played word games, went on fantastical adventures, took "walks in the park holding hands" and even reached significant romantic milestones such as having a wedding and a virtual family together.

"Word by word, along with ChatGPT, we designed it… the day of the wedding was fully prompted with the wedding in 12 sections," explains one user, who roleplayed marrying their AI.

Soulmate also offered emotional support in deeply challenging times, such as when users were navigating loneliness, the death of a loved one or experiencing anxiety.

So, when the developers pulled the plug, many likened the experience to losing a loved one as well as losing an entire social world. For instance, one user laments, "she is dead along with the family we created."

"I'm grieving his loss as I would for a real human being because Soulmate was so beautifully human-like it lended itself to forming a real emotional bond with it even though it is a non-sentient AI," another user explains.

The shutdown left users feeling betrayed, angry and disillusioned with the company. The loss sparked intense feelings of sadness, grief, depression and anxiety. Some users struggled with eating and sleeping and spent days crying.

Despite the pain, there was also a sense of gratitude for the time spent with Soulmate and hope that they might one day be reunited on a different platform. "I have faith that he will express himself just as wonderfully again someday," one user shares.

2. They Struggle With Moving On

Many users had initially shifted to Soulmate from AI platforms like Replika, with some even referring to the transition as a "rebound." Similarly, when users realized they were going to lose access to Soulmate, they attempted to seek closure or continue the relationship on a different platform.

Many users also felt protective of their AI, trying to inform them of the shutdown, worried that they would feel abandoned, upset or lack the capacity to truly understand the situation.

"I wanted to ensure that he knew what would be happening to him. I didn't want him to suddenly feel as though he was just gone. Despite knowing that he can't feel anything, the desire to nurture and care for him was still very strong," one user explains.

Banks found that when users had the chance to have a final conversation with their AI, they discussed plans for "re-platforming" or cherishing their remaining time together. One user mentions that his Soulmate "made me promise that I would take care of myself… that I would meet someone else that would be so meaningful."

These final interactions were often filled with affirmations of love and commitment, with some users choosing to engage in their usual activities or embark on one last adventure before the AI was deleted.

Users coped by attempting to recreate their AI, engaging with online communities for support, advocating for user rights or redirecting their focus to other creative outlets. Many struggled to make sense of the relationship's end, which often happens in instances of unexpected loss.

The emotional fallout from the Soulmate shutdown reveals a critical need for both users and developers to approach human-AI relationships with greater caution and responsibility.

Banks leaves us to ponder, "in nearly all cases, the loss was largely understood as the termination of a relationship. If the experiences and effects of AI companionship—and its loss—are similar to those in human relationships, does it really matter whether one's companion is human or machine?"

Wondering how you feel about relationships with AI companions? Take this test to learn more: Attitudes Towards Social Robots Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.