3 Ways To Protect Your Marriage From Succumbing To The 'Seven-Year Itch'

When the 'honeymoon phase' is over, relationships can easily become stagnant. Here's how to prevent it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 03, 2024

According to research, the seventh year of a marriage is marked by the highest risk of divorce than at any other point in time. Famously dubbed as the "seven-year itch," this strange pattern has been observed in marriages across the world, suggesting it to be a universally critical juncture for spouses everywhere. But why does this inauspicious itch emerge? And can it be scratched without damaging the marriage—or worse? Here's what psychological research has to say.

What Causes The 'Seven-Year Itch'?

The seven-year itch—named as such after the classic 1955 Marilyn Monroe film—refers to a point in many marriages where partners may begin to feel a decline in their marital satisfaction. This seventh year can feel like a subconscious turning point for many married couples—one where the excitement of the "honeymoon phase" has completely worn off, and where the daily routines and challenges of life begin to weigh more heavily in their minds. It doesn't always happen in the seventh year, which is why it might be more aptly referred to as a "multi-year itch."

For a partner in a marriage, this "itch" can feel like a period of boredom. Their day-to-day lives can start to feel repetitive and monotonous, and the initial spark of romance might feel as though it is very distant from where they are now. And, through a combination of doubt and what-ifs, partners can easily start feeling frustrated and restless—as if they're in need of some kind of change. At this point, partners may place the magnifying glass over their marriage.

Now, at a comfortable point where the novelty of the marriage has worn off, they might start to question their compatibility or long-term happiness with their spouse. It may even feel like a natural course of action for spouses to scrutinize their marriage before anything else—because it's one of the most constant aspects of their lives. Unlike jobs, hobbies or friendships—which usually evolve more fluidly—marriage can feel like a fixed backdrop.

Consequently, when life starts to feel monotonous or unfulfilling, it's easy to see one's marriage as the source of the itch—nudging them to look at it with a closer, more cynical eye. And from a psychological standpoint, taking a closer look at one's marriage around the seven-year mark might not only feel natural, but it might actually be warranted too. According to research conducted at Wichita State University, couples in the early years of marriage (0–6 years) show high levels of behavioral indicators of commitment—such as frequent expressions of love, shared outings and activities, and reciprocal support and affection.

However, the seventh year of marriage is marked by a noticeable drop in which these displays of commitment decrease. Given this decline, the seven-year itch might not always be a coincidence. When a partner feels as though their other half's commitment has wavered, dissatisfaction and restlessness can brew—making it a natural time for spouses to point the finger at their marriage.

How To Scratch The 'Multi-Year Itch'

Although spouses' love for one another might not dwindle at all within seven years, their efforts to make it known to one another usually do. Sharing a bed, a home, a family and a life can make it feel as though there's not much left to strive for—as if every milestone has been reached, and that they can now rest knowing that the hard work is over. This, however, is not the case.

Just like a garden, relationships require constant maintenance. Without occasional weeding, watering or pruning, we know a garden will inevitably lose value. They wither, wilt and atrophy over time. For decades, research has emphasized that maintenance behaviors can make or break relationship outcomes; with them, couples are reassured of their commitment to one another, and without them, they're left wondering what went wrong.

So, from this perspective, a tangible decline in relationship maintenance behaviors after the honeymoon phase easily explains why some couples don't survive the multi-year itch—as they result in marriages losing their shine and value. This makes it incredibly important for spouses to address the itch head-on, as opposed to wallowing in their doubts and frustrations silently.

Consider the little ways that you can scratch the multi-year itch by reinvesting in your marriage:

1. Be loud and proud about your commitment. Regularly express your love and commitment to your partner. Don't assume they know how you feel—tell them and show them often. Celebrate each milestone, whether it's your anniversary, the day you first met or any special moment that means something to you both. Make a habit of expressing appreciation for one another—not just during special occasions, but in everyday life. Compliment your partner, acknowledge their efforts and be vocal about the positive aspects of your relationship. These celebrations and affirmations remind and reinforce the reasons why you chose each other in the first place.
2. Let your actions speak in addition to your words. Back up your words with actions that show you care. Small gestures can have a significant impact. Helping with chores, planning special dates, giving thoughtful gifts or simply making time for each other can demonstrate your commitment in tangible ways. These actions show your partner that they are a priority in your life. Whether it's a date, game night, outdoor adventure or something simple as having a coffee together—actions always speak louder than words. Consistently showing up for your partner is more meaningful than you may realize.
3. Check-in with your partner. Have regular, open conversations about your relationship and whatever might be itching you. Discuss your feelings, concerns and what you both need to feel fulfilled. These check-ins can be formal—like a scheduled weekly or monthly discussion—or informal, such as a casual chat over dinner. Don't underestimate the power of asking "What could I be doing better?" Address any issues or concerns as they arise, rather than letting them fester. Being proactive can prevent small problems from turning into much bigger ones.

Do you have a marital itch that you're hankering to scratch? Take this test to find out more: Marital Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.