4 Ways That Perspectives On Singlehood Can Differ

One person may feel greatly different about being single than the next. Here's why.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | April 10, 2024

Being single can elicit a variety of emotions. It can be empowering, distressing, lonely, joyful and frustrating—sometimes all at the same time. However, different people respond to it in different ways.

A 2024 study examined why some people remain single and found that an individual's attachment style—referring to the way they perceive, interact and emotionally bond with others in close relationships—plays a key role in the diversity of singlehood experiences, shaping how they feel, behave and connect with others.

Here are four ways your attachment style can affect your experience of singlehood, according to the 2024 study.

1. Secure Singlehood

"For some individuals, long-term singlehood might represent a satisfying personal and autonomous choice (as opposed to a defensive denial of intimacy needs)—that is, single people characterized by secure attachment," the researchers state.

For those securely attached, singlehood may be a deliberate choice, marked by contentment and autonomy, yet anchored in the ability to seek and maintain meaningful connections with family and friends.

Securely attached individuals also tend to fare well in terms of psychosocial well-being, experiencing higher life satisfaction—which is, in turn, associated with satisfaction with singlehood—and greater psychological need fulfillment compared to those with insecure attachment styles.

Such individuals report a lower fear of being single, greater self-esteem and empathy, lower hurt-proneness, emotional instability and dysregulation, with their singlehood being less relevant to their identity. While they report not needing a romantic relationship, they are still open to the idea in the future and desire them more than their avoidant counterparts.

Securely attached singles also have greater access to social support and are less likely to experience depression, anxiety, loneliness and problematic pornography use compared to anxious or fearfully attached singles.

2. Anxious Singlehood

Individuals characterized by heightened attachment anxiety often struggle with maladaptive interpersonal behaviors stemming from insecurity or fears of abandonment, which makes them more likely to experience unstable relationships and remain single.

Highly anxious individuals exhibit traits such as excessive jealousy, suspicion and emotional volatility, which undermine their efforts to cultivate fulfilling connections. They may also exaggerate their hurt to receive reassurance from their partners. Due to their intense desire for intimacy, they tend to experience dissatisfaction with singlehood, longing for romantic partnerships yet grappling with fears of rejection and loneliness.

Such individuals display lower self-esteem, greater neuroticism, loneliness and heightened emotional distress, with their "single" status often being central to their identity and at the forefront of their minds.

Anxiously attached singles also experience a strong fear of being single—which can lead to a desire for ex-partners and settling for unfulfilling partnerships—and lower levels of well-being, likely due to not having their psychological need for connection and intimacy met.

Despite their yearning for closeness, they paradoxically report fewer close relationships and diminished well-being in both romantic and non-romantic relationships.

"The anxious profile was also highest in hypersensitive narcissism, characterized by a fragile self-image, hypersensitivity, entitlement and self-focused attention. Anxious individuals tend to be less responsive and empathic to the needs of others and display heightened focus on their own distress," the researchers explain.

3. Avoidant Singlehood

Individuals with avoidant attachment styles often remain single due to their tendency to avoid emotional vulnerability and intimacy, anticipating relationship failure and preferring to maintain emotional distance from others to avoid getting hurt.

This avoidance of intimacy not only impacts their romantic relationships but also affects their psychosocial well-being, as they report lower satisfaction with interpersonal relationships and exhibit poorer mental health outcomes compared to securely attached individuals.

Such individuals tend to display lower levels of commitment and empathy, seeking alternative partners in their relationships. They report that their singlehood is not very relevant to their sense of self and display little to no interest in current or future relationships.

With their often excessive self-reliance and autonomy, avoidant singles may also struggle to find fulfillment in non-romantic relationships.

While they may fare better than anxious and fearfully attached individuals in terms of their self-esteem, emotional instability and fear of being single, their overall satisfaction with life and interpersonal relationships remains lower than those securely attached, suggesting that while avoidance may offer temporary protection from emotional pain, it also hinders the depth of meaningful connections.

4. Fearful Singlehood

Fearfully attached singles are characterized by high levels of both attachment anxiety and avoidance, oscillating between the yearning for intimacy and the dread of rejection. Their journey through singlehood is marked by inner turmoil and ambivalence.

"The combination of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance may result in contradictory and chaotic behaviors in relationships and is highly likely to undermine the formation and maintenance of romantic relationships," the researchers explain.

Compared to other attachment profiles, they report greater fears of being single, heightened neuroticism and lower self-esteem. Their singlehood experiences are marked by a sense of centrality to their identity similar to that of anxious individuals but they report the lowest levels of psychological well-being and availability of support.

Fearful singles also display heightened emotion dysregulation, hurt proneness and fear of being single, along with increased social anxiety, reduced empathy and elevated levels of depression, anxiety, loneliness, suicidality and problematic pornography use.

Despite similarities with anxious individuals in anxieties related to singlehood, fearful singles exhibit a greater likelihood of feeling unable to find a partner and experience less satisfying romantic and non-romantic relationships, reflecting an incoherent and chaotic use of attachment strategies that significantly impact their relationships.

Whether we embrace singlehood as a choice or navigate it with apprehension, our attachment styles wield considerable influence over our romantic pursuits and our overall well-being. However, it's crucial to know that these styles aren't static; they can evolve with intentional effort. Through therapy, self-reflection, actively seeking out healthy relationships and nurturing meaningful non-romantic connections, individuals can navigate singlehood with greater resilience and fulfillment.

Are you curious about how you experience singlehood? Take this test: Fear Of Being Single Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.