3 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship With 'Micro-Moments'

Fleeting moments of love, happiness or positivity can have a greater effect on your relationship than what you might think.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 29, 2024

Sometimes, love isn't about grand gestures. It could be just one glance shared between you and your significant other on the day you proposed, and knowing just from their eyes that they accept the ring and your whole being with all their heart.

These precious moments of connection, which hold the power to create everlasting bonds, can make or break relationships. It doesn't take a year or a decade to decide something significant in your life, such as, "I love this person with everything in me." These resolutions can happen in micro moments and remain solid and unchanging for a long time.

What Are Micro Moments?

Micro moments are brief yet meaningful interactions that create significant emotional connections between people. These moments often occur spontaneously and can profoundly impact the strength and quality of relationships. They are characterized by their ability to convey deep feelings and reinforce bonds through small gestures, words, or actions that might seem insignificant in isolation but are powerful in context.

Barbara Fredrickson, a renowned psychologist known for pioneering research on positive emotions at the University of North Carolina, redefines love in her book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become.

She presents scientific evidence to argue that love is not a long-lasting, ever-present emotion that sustains a marriage, the intense passion of young love or the inherent bond of kinship. Instead, she describes love as a "micro-moment of positivity resonance," a fleeting yet profound connection characterized by a surge of positive emotions shared with another person.

When created intentionally, these micro moments can build a reservoir of positive experiences that deepen the emotional connection and resilience within the relationship.

Here are three forms of micro-moments you can create every day to promote a solid foundation in your relationship.

1. Creating Micro Moments to Reinforce Love

One of the most powerful micro moments in a relationship is the thoughtful gesture that shows your partner you love them now and forever. This could be a simple act, like bringing them their favorite snack after a long day or leaving a heartfelt note for them to find. These small acts of kindness communicate deep affection and commitment, reinforcing the emotional bond and showing that you always cherish and think about them.

"My partner knows me really well. For example, today, we were at an art store, and he showed me some gouache from an expensive brand I like for cheap. It was on sale because it had been lightly used. He knew I liked the brand, he knew I'd likely want the item and he was excited when I got it." writes one Reddit user.

The small gestures where you get excited to get something for your partner you know will make them happy goes to show just how much you care about them and the bond between you two. It speaks of solidarity and says, "You are the only one for me." Small instances and gestures like these reaffirm your love and strengthen your relationship with your partner.

Another Reddit user shares a micro-moment that made them feel loved: "When he got me a butterfly necklace. I've been with him since 8th grade, and we both grew up poor. He sold snacks during school, and I thought it was because he was saving for college. It's Easter, and the next thing I know, he puts the necklace from behind and whispers, "I love you." I still have it and occasionally wear it to this day."

These memories reaffirm your faith in the relationship during tough times, helping you weather the stormy nights of closed doors and communication blocks.

2. Creating Micro Moments To Reinforce Friendship

A relationship is better when your partner is also your best friend. Micro moments of friendship can reaffirm your need to feel truly seen and understood.

It's comforting to have that one person in the world who will get you no matter what. These small yet significant interactions—like an understanding look, a shared laugh or a supportive gesture—strengthen the bond and create a profound sense of connection and security.

"I love when he calls me, excited, and says, 'hey, I heard 'X' band or comedian is touring, do you want me to check for tickets?' He has done that more than once. He'll know that if I have a bad day, we may need to go out for dinner and drinks afterward. He knows when I won't like it too. It's very obvious he loves me because he gets me and is willing to try things I like for me," a Reddit user shares, highlighting the little moments with their partner that make them feel known, understood and loved.

3. Creating Micro Moments Of Security

Affirming the need to feel safe and secure in a relationship is crucial. Some of the most profound micro moments are the ones of realization of dependability—knowing that with this person, you are safe. No matter what happens, having someone you can depend on provides immense comfort and stability. This unwavering support builds trust and security, making the relationship resilient against life's challenges.

Another Reddit user shares, "I can't say much. But my partner and I have been through so much trauma, and eye contact is such a hard concept between the two of us. We'll be laying next to each other watching TikTok or talking about their friends or just little things that make them happy, and they'll just stop mid-sentence and look me in my eyes and take the deepest of breaths with the most beautiful smile on their face. Idk, just those little moments, for me tells me she loves me and listens to me. I feel safe."

It's a precious feeling when you know your significant other can depend on you in their time of need and give you a sense of safety that you may have lacked all your life. While they may not seem like much in isolation, micro moments are akin to the droplets of water that accumulate to form the ocean. If you want your love to be buoyant and full with love and affection, start investing in and accumulating micro moments of love and affection.

Is your relationship running low on micro moments? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale to receive a science-backed answer.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.