14 Different Ways Porn Can Influence Your Relationship With Your Partner

This is why it is important to have the porn conversation with your partner.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | September 20, 2023

A new article published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy identified 14 distinct themes for moral objections towards pornography, with religion emerging as the most common. The article also looked at how a moral incongruence between romantic partners toward pornography affects relationships, with open communication being a key factor in mitigating such damage.

"We found support that people who were married were more likely to report higher moral-based opposition to pornography, and one of the themes we developed from participants' responses was Relationships/Family, which referenced how participants believed that pornography violated the parameters of a committed romantic relationship in several ways, such as pornography being akin to or causing infidelity and the belief that admiring other attractive individuals outside of one's relationship is morally reprehensible," explained K. Camille Hoagland of the Department of Psychology at Bowling Green State University and lead author of the paper.

"With 14 themes of reasons for moral-based opposition to pornography revealed by our study, there seems to be quite a few reasons for people to morally disapprove of pornography, so people from a variety of different backgrounds and belief systems may benefit from having a conversation with their romantic partners about pornography use in their relationship."

Here are the ways you and your partner may differ in terms of your personal views on pornography:

Religion. Different religious beliefs or levels of religiosity may influence your moral stance on pornography.
Feminism. Different feminist values or perspectives on how pornography affects gender equality and women's rights.
Relationships/Family. Different expectations or concerns about how pornography affects your romantic relationship or family life.
Inaccurate/Negative. Different opinions on how realistic or positive the portrayals of sex and sexuality in pornography are.
Addiction. Different beliefs or experiences regarding the addictive potential of pornography.
Unhealthy/Damaging. Different views on how pornography affects the mental or physical health of the users or the performers.
Abuse. Different attitudes or awareness about the abuse and exploitation that may occur in or as a result of the pornography industry.
Paraphilia. Different levels of tolerance or acceptance for the sexual behaviors or preferences that are depicted or encouraged by pornography.
Men. Different perspectives or concerns about how pornography affects men specifically.
Moral Dumbfounding. Different levels of certainty or clarity about why you think pornography is morally wrong or right.
Privacy. Different values or preferences regarding the privacy of sex and nudity.
Disgust. Different emotional reactions or sensitivities to pornography.
Effects on Children/Adolescents. Different worries or opinions about how pornography affects children and adolescents who may access or view it.
Unnatural/Perverted. Different judgments or standards about what constitutes natural or normal sexual behavior.

"Conflicts arising from differing views on pornography can lead to relationship dissatisfaction. Our research suggests that open communication is pivotal in navigating this topic within relationships," Hoagland said.

From religion to feminism, from privacy concerns to the effects on younger viewers, perspectives on pornography can be multifaceted and deeply personal. Yet, the takeaway Hoagland leaves us with is this: how we approach and communicate our differences with our partners is more important than the differences themselves.

Proactively initiating these conversations, even if they may seem uncomfortable at first, can mitigate potential rifts and strengthen the bond between partners. So, if you find yourself treading lightly around this topic, perhaps it's time to embrace openness.

Being on the same page with your partner regarding moral perspectives on porn not only aligns your values but also potentially opens up new worlds of opportunities when it comes to your sexual compatibility. Engaging in a respectful dialogue about your views on pornography could be an invaluable step in understanding your partner better and deepening trust and connection in your relationship.

A full interview with K. Camille Hoagland discussing her research can be found here: The psychological costs of consuming porn when you think it is immoral

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, responsible for new client intake and placement. Mark received his B.A. in psychology, magna cum laude, from Cornell University and his M.A. and Ph.D. from the University of Colorado Boulder. His academic research has been published in leading psychology journals and has been featured in The New York Times and The New Yorker, among other popular publications. He is a regular contributor for Forbes and Psychology Today, where he writes about psycho-educational topics such as happiness, relationships, personality, and life meaning. An unabashed positive psychologist, you will often hear him preaching the simple but powerful wisdom, "the more you can replace bad thoughts with good thoughts, the happier, healthier, and more successful you will be." Click here to schedule an initial consultation with Mark or another member of the Awake Therapy team today.