3 Types Of Passion That Can Power Or Plummet Your Sex Drive

Research shows that there are three kinds of 'sexual passion,' and one of them is far better than the others. Here's how to uncover yours.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 13, 2024

Sexual passion refers to the sexual desire individuals experience either independently or with a partner. It encompasses the intense emotional and physical attraction, excitement and arousal partners often feel towards each other in romantic or sexual relationships.

Sexual passion can vary in intensity and importance for different individuals and relationships. In relationships where mutual sexual desire holds significant importance, one's "sexual passion style" has a vital influence on the well-being of the relationship.

A 2019 study suggests that there are three types of sexual passion that affect individuals and relationship outcomes in distinct ways. Here they are, along with their unique consequences for relationships.

1. Obsessive Sexual Passion

Obsessive sexual passion represents an intense preoccupation with sexual thoughts and desires, potentially to the detriment of other aspects of a relationship. Individuals with this style may prioritize sexual attraction and fulfillment over emotional connection, which can lead to relationship conflicts or dissatisfaction.

Here, an individual's behaviors and sexual motivations feel externally controlled rather than driven by internal values, desires or autonomy. Often, the sexual norms or scripts they follow are shaped by environmental influences rather than authentic personal preferences. Such individuals may feel controlled by their sexual passion rather than in control of it. Unsurprisingly, the obsessive sexual passion style has been associated with compulsive levels of pornography consumption.

2. Inhibited Sexual Passion

Like the obsessive style, inhibited sexual passion is also primarily determined by external influences. This style is characterized by a suppression or inhibition of sexual desires and thoughts.

Individuals with inhibited sexual passion styles may experience difficulty or discomfort expressing their sexual needs or desires due to personal insecurities, societal pressures or past negative experiences. For instance, their sexual passion may be controlled by a fear of rejection or sexual stigma as a result of their upbringing. This inhibition can lead to a lack of sexual fulfillment and potentially strain relationship dynamics.

3. Harmonious Sexual Passion

Harmonious sexual passion signifies a healthy, balanced integration of sexual passion within a relationship. Unlike obsessive and inhibited types, this style is based on internal motivations while experiencing a strong desire for intimacy and connection with one's partner.

Individuals with harmonious sexual passion styles view sexuality positively, are comfortable with and open about their desires while being respectful and attentive to their partner's boundaries and preferences. The emphasis here is on a mutually satisfying sexual connection that complements the emotional bond within a relationship without becoming overpowering or detrimental.

Research shows that harmonious sexual passion is associated with lower levels of impulsivity and shyness. This style emerges when individuals consciously choose and internalize sexual norms, values and scripts that align with their sense of self.

Why Harmonious Sexual Passion Is The Best Kind

A harmonious sexual passion style is the healthiest approach for couples as it is driven by self-awareness, true consent and mutual respect. The understanding of one's own sexuality and sexual desires makes sexual intimacy an empowering activity rather than a space of limited personal agency.

Additionally, researchers of the 2019 study found that harmonious sexual passion is consistently associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, whereas inhibited and obsessive styles are associated with comparatively lower levels of both.

A 2022 study also found that in relationships where men had an obsessive style and perceived their partner as being inhibited, both partners experienced lower levels of sexual satisfaction and negative relationship outcomes.

Notably, according to a 2020 study, higher levels of obsessive and inhibited sexual passion are linked to insecure attachment styles, which refer to patterns of relationship behavior and emotional responses characterized by difficulties in forming trusting and stable connections with others. Research findings indicate that attachment insecurity is associated with lower levels of sexual satisfaction, while demonstrating that harmonious sexual passion is connected to reduced levels of insecure attachment.

Research also suggests that obsessive sexual passion is associated with a tendency for infidelity, an inability to delay gratification, instances of aggression, jealous behavior and intrusive thoughts about sex. In contrast, harmonious passion is associated with experiencing flow states, positive emotions, a higher quality of interpersonal relationships, mental flexibility and a lack of defensiveness or inner conflict.

Conclusion

A harmonious sexual passion style allows individuals to experience personal autonomy and express sexual desire based on internal value systems rather than conditioned attitudes that are not entirely their own. Cultivating harmonious sexual passion requires inner reflection as well as open communication with a partner regarding values, beliefs and desires related to sexuality. It is also essential to prioritize emotional intimacy and connection outside of sexual activities. This harmony not only enhances sexual satisfaction but also contributes to a healthier attachment style, fostering personal growth and laying the foundation for mutually fulfilling and enduring relationships.

Concerned if an unexciting sex life is dragging your relationship down? Take this psychological assessment to gain clarity: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.