3 Harsh Realities Of Pregnancy That No One Warns You About

For some, pregnancy is a beautiful experience—but this certainly isn't the case for everyone. Here's three things most women are surprised by during pregnancy.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 31, 2024

Pregnancy is often romanticized in movies and media, but the truth is, it's a deeply personal and complicated experience for most people. For many, this journey is not just about navigating physical changes—it's also a time filled with conflicting emotions, mental health challenges and the weight of overwhelming societal expectations.

This emotional complexity can also intensify, for instance, when one has to face the experience alone, cope with past miscarriages or wrestle with uncertainty about becoming a parent. Managing possible anxiety, depression, bodily changes and the transition to motherhood—while navigating fears of childbirth and ensuring proper healthcare—can feel overwhelming, especially without sufficient support or information.

In a study published this April in Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, researchers interviewed 11 women about the psychological challenges they encountered during pregnancy.

Here are three common challenges that participants reported.

1. A Sense Of Feeling The 'Wrong' Feelings

One of the most commonly reported experiences during pregnancy is the feeling of having the "wrong" feelings about it. Many participants felt an intense emotional conflict, torn between joy and anxiety, excitement and overwhelming sadness due to this major life transition.

"It was awful, it was anxiety, I had panic attacks… it was like drowning," one participant describes.

For some, the expectation to feel nothing but happiness and the feelings of disconnection during pregnancy exacerbated feelings of guilt or shame when negative emotions naturally arose. This can be an isolating process due to the fear of judgment or misunderstanding from others.

High levels of distress and exhaustion are common, as the physical toll of pregnancy compounds mental health struggles, leading some to fear that things will only get worse after childbirth.

"You just can't see the end of it, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you feel like you're going to bring this baby into the world and it's going to be even more difficult," another participant mentions.

It's crucial to understand that no feeling during pregnancy is "wrong." These emotions are a natural part of such a life-altering transition, and it's important for women to give themselves grace as well as receive acceptance and support from others during this time.

"I suppose until I got pregnant myself, I would have bought into it, but then you suddenly realize no you feel sick, you've got heartburn, you ache, you're heavy, you can't do anything. It's not all joyous," another participant explains.

2. Dealing With The Stigma Around Mental Health Needs

Societal expectations around pregnancy can weigh heavily on one's mental health. From the moment someone announces they're expecting, they are often bombarded with messages about how pregnancy should look and feel. The prevailing narrative of pregnancy as an idyllic, joyful time often leaves women feeling as though they have failed when their experience doesn't match up.

"I feel like everyone who was ever pregnant and spoke to me lied to me (laughter.) People say things now like 'oh we never wanted to say to you what it was like, you don't want to scare someone,' and you're like—you could have given me a heads up," one participant explains.

Many women also feel the need to hide their struggles, fearing judgment from others. A 2019 study highlights how motherhood is expected to come naturally to women. They may feel stigmatized for not embodying the happy, radiant image of pregnancy that's expected, for needing help or not feeling an immediate connection to their child. The resulting feelings of isolation can make it even harder for them to seek help when they need it most.

"There's such stigma still associated probably with, well mental health in general but to have mental health problems in pregnancy, it's still something that, it's not discussed," another participant mentions.

3. Struggling With A Lack Of Support

Many women in the study also reported a lack of awareness and access to resources surrounding perinatal mental health. While postnatal depression has gained some visibility, mental health challenges during pregnancy itself are often overlooked.

"Nobody had heard of it before. Everybody's heard of postnatal depression. I was shocked to find out how common it was. I just feel like there's no information on it. You need the help when you need the help, not like months and months later when you've had to endure it on your own," one participant explains, highlighting her scarcity of mental health support, even when she knew something was wrong.

Participants describe frequently searching for answers, trying to understand why they are feeling distressed, and being met with a lack of information and support. Several participants noted that medical professionals focused primarily on the biological explanations for their distress, such as hormonal changes, but this often left women feeling powerless about their mental state.

It's essential to shift the societal narrative surrounding pregnancy and create space for honest conversations about the less glamorous, often overwhelming experiences that many expecting mothers have. By acknowledging the reality of these struggles, we can dismantle the stigma that silences those in need of help and offer them the support they truly deserve.

Is your role as a parent causing you to burn out? Take this test to learn more: Parental Burnout Assessment

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.