3 Relationship Principles That Can Safeguard Your Bond From Emotional Infidelity

What is it that people seek from being vulnerable with someone outside their primary relationship?

By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | August 20, 2023

Emotional infidelity, a phenomenon characterized by profound emotional intimacy outside of one’s primary romantic relationship, poses a subtle but potent threat to committed relationships. These seemingly innocent platonic friendships, founded on pure intentions, can swiftly evolve into intimate bonds, blurring the lines between friendship and romantic involvement.

As individuals confide in one another, sharing dreams and secrets, a risky attachment can form, leading to increased time spent with this new confidant. An inexplicable longing to be with this person starts to emerge, despite the absence of any physical involvement.

Unlike overtly sexual affairs, emotional affairs are elusive, often discovered only when one is already deeply entangled. Research published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin has indicated that for women, emotional affairs can be as devastating as sexual ones, leading to a swift decline in the primary relationship.

Recognizing the potential signs of being on the verge of an emotional affair, or suspecting one's partner of approaching such a situation, warrants serious introspection into the dynamics of the relationship.

Here are three things you may need to consider about your relationship in such cases:

1. Are The Channels Of Communication Open?

Openness and honesty serve as the bedrock of a thriving relationship, but it needs to be straddled with the equally important need for individual privacy. Individuals are entitled to keep certain aspects of their lives private, even in close relationships. However, when the desire for privacy transforms into a compulsion for secrecy, it raises a red flag.

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that harboring secrets within a relationship can be detrimental to its well-being. Additionally, confiding one's hopes and dreams in someone other than their partner can lead to a gradual erosion of emotional intimacy within the primary relationship.

The consequences of such secrecy can manifest in various ways, such as:

  • Hiding excessively from one's partner
  • Experiencing feelings of guilt
  • Adopting different communication patterns when discussing the other person
  • Being dishonest about the nature of the relationship

Honest and transparent discussions about personal needs, desires, and challenges can foster trust and emotional closeness, thereby mitigating the temptation to seek solace from another individual.

2. Are You On The Same Page As Your Partner?

Building a life with a partner entails embracing shared values, a compatible lifestyle, and, at times, even seeing the love in disagreements. It involves understanding the compromises required and comprehending their potential impact on both the individual and the relationship as a whole.

These essential conversations play a pivotal role in developing realistic expectations and cultivating a life of mutual comfort. However, occasionally one may encounter a person who resonates with them more effortlessly than their primary partner.

In such instances, individuals may unknowingly engage in certain behaviors that can be detrimental to their current relationship, including:

  • Unnecessary comparison of their partner with the other
  • Excessive fault-finding in their partner
  • Frequent disagreements and conflicts in the primary relationship

As relationships progress, they naturally undergo transformations, and the initial romance may fade over time, as observed in a study published in Frontiers in Psychology. Failing to acknowledge of such transitions can cause your relationship to break.

Balancing compromises in a relationship is a shared responsibility. It becomes crucial, before considering ending a relationship for another, to assess the feasibility of finding common ground and reassessing one's own emotions and standpoint.

3. Are You Still Able To Choose Each Other Consciously And Consistently?

Contrary to the romantic notion that finding "the one" leads to an effortless and everlasting love, the reality of maintaining a committed partnership involves making ongoing conscious choices. Even after making a commitment, it is natural to encounter situations where other possibilities may seem alluring.

Research from the Journal of Experimental Psychology reveals that we actively seek partners who offer warmth, comfort, and generosity as we tend to value these emotional attributes over materialistic qualities. During times of conflict or emotional distance, it becomes easier to find these desirable traits in someone other than our partner, tempting us to deviate from our relationship.

Wavering commitment may look like:

  • Reduced engagement in sexual activities or a decreased sense of enthusiasm
  • A preference for spending time apart from one's partner
  • A diminished consideration of the partner's needs and emotions

However, what holds greater significance is how individuals respond to these feelings and temptations.

Acknowledging these emotions and actively choosing how to address them is critical. Try to remain mindful of the reasons that initially brought you together, your shared values, and the emotional intimacy you built over time. Sustaining a thriving relationship entails making deliberate and unwavering choices to remain connected, even when faced with enticing alternatives.

Conclusion

While seeking external support and companionship is a natural human inclination, it is crucial to acknowledge the fine distinction between finding solace in a confidant and preferring them over one’s partner. What may initially appear harmless can rapidly engulf you, leaving you in a state of confusion and at a critical crossroads.