When life starts to feel overwhelming or you’re dealing with a situation that feels too heavy, the most common advice you’ll hear is “just talk it out.” In healthy relationships and friendships, your loved ones will try to get you to talk and give you the safe space to let your emotions out. This is generally how we show up for the people we care about.

The mental health community has worked hard to normalize conversations about emotions, gradually dismantling the stigma around expressing them.

The essence of psychotherapy itself lies in offering a safe and structured space to vent out your emotions. This happens outside the therapy room as well; you may vent to friends, family or your partner. And in doing so, you build closeness and intimacy with those around you.

However, unlike casual conversations with your close ones, therapy pairs emotional expression with reflection and direction, with a clear aim to move toward healing and resolution.

While venting and expressing your emotions is undoubtedly important, paradoxically, it may not always be the best solution. This is not to undermine the value of emotional expression, but rather to bring an understanding that its impact can depend on context and approach.

Until now, we may have viewed it from a dominantly one-dimensional lens, but in reality, the impact of venting can depend on many factors, such as how, when and with whom you choose to share.

In my interview with Laura Sels, a researcher at Ghent University, she highlighted an important nuance about interpersonal sharing. As Sels explains, “One sign that social sharing might cause more harm than good is if you find yourself repeating the same negative thoughts without feeling any clearer or calmer. This can lead to co-rumination — when both people keep dwelling on the negative event without finding solutions.”

This can easily make you spiral into wondering if you’re even “doing it right,” followed by questions like “Is venting actually helping, or is it pulling you deeper into the same mental loop?”

To understand this better, here are two pieces of research that shed light on when venting could be unhelpful.

1. Venting Can Sometimes Reinforce Trauma

The primary purpose of venting to someone is often to externalize what you’re going through. Ideally, you want to process the emotions as a part of letting go, to find relief and some sense of clarity. Simply put, venting should help you feel less consumed by your emotions.

The emotional release should, characteristically, aid recovery after stressful or distressing experiences. However, research shows the impact of sharing is not always the same. This was highlighted in a 2018 study published in The British Journal of Psychiatry.

Researchers studied the concept of “debriefing,” which is a common method where people talk through their traumatic experience right after it happens. They wanted to test whether it actually helps people recover from trauma or not. This was studied with a randomized controlled trial including 236 adult survivors of recent traumatic events.

These participants were divided into three groups: one received emotional debriefing, which was focused on venting feelings; another received educational debriefing, which was focused on providing information and coping strategies. The third was a control group that received no debriefing.

Participants were then followed up with at two weeks, six weeks and six months.

Across all groups, symptoms of PTSD, anxiety and depression naturally decreased over time. Importantly, there was no significant difference in recovery between people who were debriefed and those who were not.

In fact, for a subgroup of participants who showed high hyperarousal symptoms early on, such as being extremely on edge, restless or unable to relax, emotional debriefing actually made their symptoms worse compared to the control group.

The study sheds light on the fact that venting is not inherently bad. But timing and the approach toward it matter greatly. For many, especially those who are still in a very heightened state of arousal right after a distressing event, “letting it all out” too quickly can actually intensify their emotional state instead of helping them feel better.

So, it’s important not to force yourself or someone else to vent just because it feels like the only “right” way to cope. There are other ways you can seek or provide help in these moments. This can be as simple as giving someone space and the reassurance that they are not alone. At the same time, it’s crucial to acknowledge when talking it through can help ease the sense of isolation.

Healing does not look the same for everyone, and the way each person copes with distress can vary greatly. When you are going through a tough time, it’s important to honor your own needs. Similarly, when you’re supporting someone else, it’s crucial to respect their boundaries.

2. The Impact Of Venting Depends On How The Listener Responds

While venting is primarily about letting off steam, its impact often depends on how those emotions are received. The listener’s response makes a significant difference in determining whether sharing is helpful or if it hinders emotional recovery.

This was confirmed in research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology. Researchers were well aware of people’s assumption that venting automatically reduces emotional impact. So, they wanted to understand when and how sharing emotions actually helps people recover from a distressing experience.

To test this, participants were made to watch an upsetting film and then made to talk about it with someone else.

The listener was instructed to respond in one of two ways: either empathetically, where they simply showed understanding, or by helping the participant actively reframe the situation and think about it differently.

Emotional, cognitive and social outcomes were then measured, both immediately and two days later.

Findings showed that empathetic responses improved social connection and made participants feel better temporarily. However, true emotional recovery and changes in how participants processed the event only occurred when the listener helped them reframe their thoughts.

Venting alone may provide comfort temporarily, but meaningful healing often requires reflection and guidance.

Another study solidifies this finding, examining how venting anger affects emotions and how the listener’s response can shape the outcome.

Researchers focused on two main factors. The first factor was the person being vented about, either the one who caused the anger (called the “offender”) or someone else not directly involved (a “third party”). The second factor was the listener’s response. The response was either reinforcing the emotion by agreeing and empathizing or reinterpreting the situation to help the person see it differently.

Participants were asked to recall an experience that made them angry and report how they felt afterward.

The findings were quite similar. Researchers found that venting can help regulate emotions, but its effect depends on both who you talk about and how the listener responds. The study reinforces that being mindful in the way you respond is important.

Clearly, listeners play an active role in shaping whether venting leads to relief and growth or reinforces negative emotions.

Sels offers some advice on sharing in more helpful ways. “Share with someone who can listen and offer different perspectives. Ideally, they should empathize with you first. After sharing, ask your listener open-ended questions. For example, ‘Do you see any other ways to look at what happened?’ This helps you explore your feelings without getting stuck on the same negative thoughts,” she suggests.

“If you notice the conversation is focusing only on the negative aspects or repeatedly going over the same points, gently steer it toward problem-solving or reflection on emotions,” she adds.

Sharing And Listening With Awareness

These studies serve as a reminder that venting is still important and effective. It only becomes unhelpful when it turns into consistent venting without reflection or resolution, and when you find yourself going in circles rather than moving forward.

You don’t have to go to the extreme of finding immediate solutions each time you vent and create unnecessary pressure to heal. Letting yourself release what you’re carrying is important. Resolution can come a little later. What matters is noticing when venting turns into a repeated cycle that no longer serves you.

When you keep revisiting the same story without gaining clarity or relief, it’s your cue to pause and ask yourself whether you need reflection, a shift in perspective or a different form of support altogether.

Are you a good listener? Take the science-backed Active-Empathic Listening Scale to find out.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.