Sacrifice and compromise are words you might immediately associate with love and relationships. They’re often viewed as the pillars of lasting connection or more like proof that you care enough to put someone else’s needs before your own. This tends comes wrapped in the idea of always being “nice” to the people you love.

On the surface, it looks selfless and loving. And while it may seem harmless and in many situations or even necessary, being “too nice” can come at the cost of silencing your needs, avoiding conflict or constantly saying yes to keep the peace.

It’s important to note that being nice or kind as a virtue is not to be condemned. A willingness for a healthy kind of compromise to meet your partner in the middle is essential for intimacy to thrive.

However, the trouble begins when there is no moderation and it turns into self-sacrifice or people-pleasing. That way, what looks like love and care actually erodes authenticity, creating an imbalance that harms both partners.

Sacrifices In Relationships

A 2020 study explored what people consider to be a sacrifice in romantic relationships. Researchers looked at whether sacrifices are made to move toward something positive like love and connection or to move away from something negative like conflict or guilt.

The type of sacrifices most commonly mentioned were career sacrifices (putting a partner’s career ahead of one’s own), family-related sacrifices (e.g., prioritizing childcare and household duties) and everyday pleasures (e.g., hobbies, leisure activities and small personal freedoms).

The most common motive mentioned for these sacrifices was love, especially emphasized by women. Women also most often mentioned family-role sacrifices (like childcare and household responsibilities).

Other motives behind sacrifice included improving relationship quality, personal growth or a sense of obligation (more often mentioned by men). The least commonly mentioned motive for sacrifice was external pressure (e.g., from family, society or peers).

This study highlights that the motive behind a sacrifice matters more than the sacrifice itself. A sacrifice rooted in love or growth can strengthen a bond, but one rooted in obligation, guilt or avoidance can quietly drain it.

The study also makes it clear that people rarely sacrifice without reason. There’s always a motive, and it helps to look at our own so that we don’t accidentally undermine our own well-being or our relationship’s.

Here are two ways being “too nice” slowly destroys your relationship.

1. It Chips Away At Your Sense Of Self

When you consistently suppress your own desires, opinions or emotions to keep your partner happy, it fuels a pattern where only their comfort, approval or needs are prioritized and yours are buried. This only makes things uncomfortable for you both.

On the surface, this “niceness” can often feel like a form of care. But it subtly communicates that authentic self-expression isn’t welcome in the relationship.

In a 2022 study, researchers set out to explore how holding back one’s feelings affects psychological well-being and marital satisfaction.

They were particularly interested in whether this link depends on a person’s motivational style (whether they focus more on avoiding problems or on seeking growth) and on how much they perceive their partner also suppresses emotions.

This was studied across two large online surveys of married individuals. The results revealed that people with a prevention-focused outlook, which is associated with being emotionally suppressive, experienced greater marital satisfaction only when they saw their spouse as similarly suppressive.

In contrast, for promotion-focused individuals, being more emotionally expressive was associated with greater satisfaction, but again, only when their partner was also open rather than suppressive.

This implies that constantly holding back your feelings or being “nice” at the expense of honesty does not always guarantee a healthier relationship. If both partners are emotionally suppressive (both avoid showing feelings), they may feel satisfied for a while. This is because neither is pushing the other into conflict or discomfort.

But this sense of “harmony” is built on mutual suppression. So while it can feel peaceful, it’s more a way of avoiding problems together instead of truly connecting.

When one person is always silencing themselves to keep the peace, it creates an imbalance because one person’s feelings or boundaries are consistently voiced and the other partner’s remain hidden.

The partner who suppresses becomes less visible in the relationship. So their partner may feel they know them. but that wouldn’t be entirely true. In reality, they’re only seeing a filtered or agreeable version.

Things only stay peaceful on the surface in such a dynamic. Beneath that, frustration and unmet needs build up even when the person who is suppressing their needs doesn’t realize it. This makes the relationship somewhat of a ticking time bomb, as resentment from sacrificing — or being put in the position of always being sacrificed for — kills love and authentic connection.

2. It Blocks Real Conflict And Hinders Growth

At first glance, avoiding conflict might feel like a reasonable way to keep your relationship smooth-sailing. But what many people don’t realize is that conflict is how couples learn about each other’s needs and boundaries.

A 2009 review published in Social Development, explored the paradoxical nature of conflict in relationships. Researchers Brett Laursen and Christopher Hafen analyzed decades of relationship research and concluded that conflict is not inherently bad. Its impact depends on how it’s expressed and resolved.

They outline three primary types of conflict:

• Coercive conflicts. These are hostile and power-driven, with unequal outcomes and are generally harmful.

• Constructive conflicts. These are respectful and cooperative, with fair resolutions. They can bring benefits.

• Unresolved conflicts. These are the conflicts where issues are dropped without resolution. So they tend to leave behind ambiguity and tension.

Their review shows that conflict can lead to negative outcomes such as stress, anxiety, depression, poor decision-making or relationship breakdowns. The impact is dominantly negative when they are frequent, hostile or poorly managed.

However, they can also lead to positive outcomes. Some examples of positive impacts of conflicts are stronger autonomy, identity development, problem-solving skills and even deeper intimacy.

Importantly, having no conflict at all can be harmful, because it often means people are suppressing needs and avoiding authenticity.

Additionally, in a 2017 study, researchers explored what makes conflict communication effective. They found that direct opposition, which is openly addressing issues, can actually benefit relationships when serious problems need to be resolved and both partners are capable of change. However, the same approach can backfire if one partner feels insecure or defensive.

On the other hand, cooperative and validating communication can help when problems are minor or unchangeable. Even when defensiveness blocks problem-solving, it can still prove to be effective. It becomes harmful when used to gloss over serious issues that require real change.

This study suggests that there is no one-size-fits-all style in terms of dealing with conflicts. What’s more important to consider is whether the approach matches the nature of the problem and the partners’ ability to handle it.

Simply put, when communication aligns with the context, it strengthens the relationship. When it doesn’t align right, you risk eroding trust and leaving issues unresolved.

Both studies point to a crucial truth. Conflict is not the enemy, but stagnation is. When you avoid the uncomfortable conversations that drive real change, you keep your relationship from evolving.

Choose Authenticity Over Abandoning Yourself

Remember that love should not come at the cost of abandoning yourself. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish. It’s how you ensure that your relationship is built on honesty and mutual respect.

When you show up as your full self, you create space to learn whether your partner truly loves you for who you are, and not just for the parts of you that make things easier for them.

Real connection comes when both people are free to express themselves completely. That said, being there for your partner is equally important. Relationships thrive on generosity and care. You just need to be careful not to let it shift into self-abandonment.

It’s important that you don’t fall into either extreme; always over-giving at your expense or refusing to compromise at all. One simple way to find balance is to check in with yourself by asking some reflective questions.

• “Do I feel good after saying yes, or do I feel resentful?”

• “Am I giving from love or from fear of losing them?”

• “Does this decision honor both my needs and theirs?”

Being self-aware and honest with yourself can help you recognize whether you’re genuinely being kind or simply acting out of fear. With this awareness, love becomes a space for growth, instead of a space where you lose yourself.

Are you showing up as your authentic self in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationship Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.