The 5 Initial Stages That Every Successful Relationship Will Go Through
Research shows that 'successful dating' encompasses five stages. Where do you and your partner stand?
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 05, 2024
Whether you're getting to know someone new, are in a "talking stage" with them or have been building a relationship with them for a while now, you may wonder what stage your relationship is in. Understanding "dating stages" allows you to learn about the true progression of your relationship, equipping you to navigate the complexities of love in all its different phases.
According to Knapp's Relationship Model, there are five distinct stages of relationship development, from the initial meeting to the deepest levels of commitment.
Each stage is characterized by unique communicative behaviors, emotions and psychological dynamics. As potential matches move through these stages, they experience varying levels of self-disclosure, emotional investment and mutual commitment, which collectively contribute to the evolution of their relationship.
Here are the five stages of successful dating that result in a deeply committed relationship.
1. Initiating
The first stage of dating involves meeting someone new, striving to make a positive impression on one another, understanding whether they are attracted to each other and deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship further. Conversations here may be limited to small-talk and flirty banter.
In these initial conversations, direct expressions of interest can be helpful. A 2020 study found that using a direct pick-up line, such as "Hi, I think you're cute. Can I buy you a drink?" was more likely to lead to exchanging phone numbers or agreeing to go on a second date than a more subtle approach or a cheesy pick-up line.
Research also shows that while men tend to rate physical attractiveness highly in these first meetings, women tend to value positive qualities such as kindness, intelligence and humor in their decision to pursue a connection.
2. Experimenting
The second stage is an information-seeking stage, with the goal of reducing the mystery and uncertainty around the other person. Individuals start to explore common interests and background information to determine compatibility and conversations become more personal as they share likes, dislikes, hobbies and personal experiences, testing the waters to see if a deeper connection is possible.
Research shows that discovering similarities and common ground can enhance the attraction a couple experiences. This can also strengthen perceived compatibility, giving couples the confidence to start getting serious about each other.
3. Intensifying
In the third stage, the relationship deepens and intensifies, becoming much more emotionally intimate. Partners express deeper feelings, have more meaningful conversations and begin to openly confide in each other.
A 2021 study found that couples who spend a large proportion of their time together talking and opening up to each other experience high relationship satisfaction and closeness. In this intensifying stage, they are able to find safety in displaying vulnerability as their trust and feelings for one another grow.
4. Integrating
In the fourth stage, couples develop a shared sense of identity together, known as a "couple identity." While they very much retain their individual selves, integrating allows them to create some interdependence in the different aspects of their lives.
Couples start to merge their lives and social circles more, present themselves as a couple to others, introduce each other to significant friends and family members and establish routines together. They may also use "relational symbols" such as having nicknames for one another, inside jokes or shared stories, signifying a higher level of bonding and interconnectedness in their lives.
A 2020 study found that having clarity about your couple identity or "knowing who you are as a couple" is associated with higher levels of commitment, which prepares couples for the final stage of dating.
5. Bonding
The final stage signifies deep levels of commitment. This is the peak of what Knapp describes as the phases of "coming together."A 2023 study found that the readiness to commit in a relationship enhances psychological well-being for a couple.
This stage can look different for different people, as couples can have various ways of symbolizing their commitment beyond traditional marriage. The act of bonding serves to bind them together and celebrate their love in a way that most aligns with their shared values and beliefs.
For some, this may involve a formal and public acknowledgment of their relationship, such as getting engaged, or having a wedding ceremony. For others, commitment might be expressed in different forms, such as a commitment ceremony, creating a home together, choosing to become parents or committing to specific shared life goals and planning a future together.
Each stage serves as a stepping stone toward deeper emotional intimacy and mutual commitment. However, being in a committed relationship is not about rushing through these stages or achieving societal benchmarks of love. It is about cultivating a relationship filled with genuine affection, mutual respect and a shared vision for the future.
It is also important to appreciate the fluidity and individuality of these stages. Not everyone will follow this timeline in the same way, and that is perfectly natural. Some relationships may skip certain stages, move through them in a different order or spend longer in one stage than another. Embracing this fluidity allows couples to adapt and evolve together, creating a relationship they love.
Are you able to be your authentic self when you date someone new? Take this test to receive science-backed answers: Authenticity In Relationships Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.