2 Signs You're The Kind Of 'Cool' Everyone Secretly Admires

If you're wondering why people gravitate toward you, these traits might explain it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 23, 2025

"Am I cool?" is a question we've all probably asked ourselves at some point. Or, we may have wondered, "Do they like me?" or "Do I fit in?"

But do we know what it means to be cool? Does it mean being likeable and socially accepted? Is the meaning the same across cultures?

A team of researchers set out to answer these questions in a new large-scale study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. They carried out experiments with over 5900 participants from around the world. Participants were asked to think of someone who they thought was cool, not cool, good, or not good and then rate the personality and values of those people.

Their findings were striking: while there's some cultural variation, the core characteristics of "cool" people are surprisingly consistent across societies. Importantly, these are perceived traits; not necessarily what people are really like, but how they're seen.

Researchers also wanted to explore whether being cool is simply another way of saying you like someone or think they're a good person. Their findings revealed that while there is some overlap, perceptions of "cool" and "good" are distinct.

Based on the research findings, here are the key traits that define a "cool" person versus a "good" person.

1. You Question Convention And Strive For Change

If you're someone who takes risks based on what you think is right, then you might be on the path to coolness. Researchers found that qualities like extroversion, power, open-mindedness and independence are some of the key traits associated with being cool.

Cool people tend to challenge the status quo and embrace new ideas. That is why, researchers argue, coolness thrives in information societies. This is because such societies tend to value ideas, culture and social innovation.

"Our data reveal that cool people are autonomous, adventurous, open, and hedonistic, all of which make a person more likely to seek new and different experiences. Research also suggests a relationship between being cool and being influential," the researchers noted.

This link between coolness and influence helps explain why certain public figures resonate as both daring and aspirational. Take CEOs, for example. When we picture one, the image that often comes to mind is someone stoic and suited, perhaps even rigid, like Bart Bass from Gossip Girl, a fictional billionaire. He may be successful, but he's far from cool or good, given how cold and individualistic he appears.

On the other hand, a real-world CEO like Richard Branson might be perceived as cool because he visited outer space. It makes him seem adventurous, exciting and bold. He pushed the boundaries of what's possible for private citizens and challenged the idea that space is only for astronauts or government agencies.

At the same time, perceptions of coolness may vary across different age brackets. For instance, Tesla CEO Elon Musk allegedly smoking marijuana on a Joe Rogan podcast may not have sat well with investors and Tesla's stock price drop the day after reflected their sentiments. Yet, the same act may have been perceived as rebellious or cool by younger audiences, particularly college students, who look up to people in power who challenge norms.

Again, it also depends on how much effort someone appears to be putting in. For instance, Musk's constant posting on X might strike some as "trying too hard," while others enthusiastically consume his content by the hour.

2. You Are Warm, Reliable And Conscientious

While a cool person might be agreeable and friendly, it does not necessarily mean they are ethical. Good people embody qualities like calmness, conscientiousness, universalism, agreeableness, warmth, security, tradition and conformity.

Such people may not necessarily be influencers or trendsetters, but they are dependable and prosocial. The study found that 9 of the 15 positive traits and values that they assessed were associated with both cool people and good people.

Coolness in certain contexts can undermine goodness. For example, someone who's adventurous and thrill-seeking may be admired, but if that same person engages in reckless or selfish behavior (e.g., drug use, cheating, exploitative relationships), they might lose their moral credibility.

Moreover, in a society where influence is currency, being perceived as cool may be rewarded more than being good. But, the cost is often paid by those excluded or exploited in the pursuit of personal gain. This is when coolness becomes more performative than it should be.

However, people still seek popularity because cool people tend to reap more social rewards. They often receive more attention, admiration and influence. But those same traits, like hedonism or a desire to dominate, can sometimes push them away from traits associated with goodness, like humility or altruism.

In a study on high school students' consumption patterns and identity construction, researchers found that consumption was important to those trying to fit in.

"Consumption is becoming more important than anything. Everybody wants Dolce Gabbana, Calvin Klein, and at the same time there is the crowd that cannot pay for a trivial meal at the street vendor," a 16-year old participant from the study explains.

The research suggests that to consume or to dream of consuming creates illusions of belonging to a different social class. People may think that possessing luxury brands will signify higher social status. Ironically, the study found that the "cool" approach criticizes consumption.

Both goodness and coolness can coexist. If you're trying to be a good person, remember to stand your ground, even as you strive to build a better world. But if you're trying to be cool, remember that you do not have to give up on the goodness within you.

Ultimately, all you need is to have confidence and the courage to make your own decisions and be your own person. That, arguably, is the coolest thing of all.

How self-aware are you about the qualities you possess? Take this science-backed test to find out: Self-Awareness Outcomes Questionnaire

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.