2 Reasons Why You Have To Start 'Loud Looking' For Love

Don't be shy when it comes to your needs in a relationship. Here's why, despite how daunting it can be, you have to shout them from the rooftops.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 20, 2025

Many people view a new year as a new chance to find love. But, many also recreate old patterns that have previously led them astray. One of these behaviors is being vague and unsure about what they want in a relationship—or worse, being sure, but keeping quiet about it.

In contrast, Tinder's 2024 Year In Swipe Report introduces the concept of "loud looking," which refers to rejecting such ambiguity and being vocal and specific about one's romantic needs and desires. It's a refreshing departure from the "play it cool" approach that often leaves both parties guessing.

"Singles are embracing intentionality in their dating lives—being upfront about what they want and refusing to settle," explains Melissa Hobley, Tinder's Chief Marketing Officer.

Here are two reasons why you need to start "loud looking" for love to find true dating success.

1. Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed

If you're not speaking up about what you want, you're likely missing out on the connections you truly seek. A fear of rejection often holds people back from initiating conversations or being forthright about their needs with potential matches.

In fact, Hinge's 2024 D.A.T.E report found that 95% of its users have a fear of rejection, while 57% of its Gen Z users report holding back from expressing their true feelings for a potential partner, worrying that being vulnerable would be a "turn-off."

However, this hesitation can result in others swiping past your dating profile, for instance, or assuming that you're looking for something you're not. Imagine this: you're seeking a long-term, committed relationship, but your dating profile is vague or noncommittal. Perhaps you've mentioned you're open to anything—long or short—or that you're "still figuring out" your dating goals.

A potential partner who's also looking for commitment might assume you're interested in something casual and move on. Instead, by clearly stating your intentions, you can attract the people who align with your goals and avoid wasting time on mismatched connections.

Additionally, loud looking isn't just about stating your wants; it's also about embodying emotional availability. If you desire an emotionally available partner, you need to offer the same in return. "Playing it cool" or hiding your true desires sends the message that you're uncertain or unavailable, creating a barrier to genuine connection. On the other hand, being open about your needs encourages authenticity and mutual vulnerability—the foundation of any meaningful relationship.

Getting what you want often starts with the simple act of asking. Loud looking is an act of courage, showing the world that you're ready to embrace love wholeheartedly. It also dismantles emotional barriers that might be holding you back from genuine connections.

Many people approach dating with defenses in place, whether it's due to past heartbreaks, a fear of vulnerability or societal expectations to avoid appearing "overeager." However, loud looking helps you confront your own fears of rejection or inadequacy and teaches you to value your desires without apology.

2. You're Settling For Less In Love

Another reason to embrace loud looking is that it helps you avoid settling for less. Research shows that many people will stay in unsatisfying relationships out of fear of being single. This mindset not only limits your potential for happiness but also prevents you from creating space for the love you truly deserve.

Getting clear about what you want—whether it's emotional intimacy, long-term commitment or shared life goals—is the first step toward achieving it. If you're hesitant to voice your desires, take a moment to reflect. Are you holding back because you're unsure of what you want? If so, give yourself the time and space to figure it out.

Alternatively, if you're worried about being seen as "too much," remind yourself that the right partner won't see your clarity as a burden, but as a gift. They'll appreciate your honesty, mirror your emotional availability and share your vision for the relationship.

Settling for less often means keeping unfulfilling romantic connections in your life that drain your time and energy. Instead, loud looking empowers you to say no to the wrong people and yes to the right ones. This isn't about being demanding or inflexible; it's about aligning your actions with your intentions. By putting yourself out there, you might discover connections you never expected.

Ultimately, loud looking is an act of self-advocacy that strengthens your relationship with yourself. By accepting only the love you deserve, you're setting a higher standard for your romantic life and sending a powerful message: You're worth it.

Do you fear revealing your true needs and desires in relationships? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.