What Is 'Sexual Aftercare' And How Does It Rejuvenate Your Sex Life?

The aftermath of sex is just as important as the lead-up to it. Here's how sexual aftercare can maximize pleasure inside and outside the bedroom.

By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | July 29, 2023

Sexual experiences are multifaceted. They trigger excitement, energy, and arousal, but also involve great vulnerability and surrender. Much has been said about the importance of foreplay before engaging in a sexual encounter, but recent research shows that how you behave after the sexual act itself may be equally important.

Sexual aftercare, as this is referred to, are the actions taken after a consensual sexual encounter to ensure the emotional, physical, and psychological well-being of all parties involved. What constitutes aftercare might look different for everyone. Some people may prefer cuddling or watching a movie, while others may like to cook together.

Why Is Sexual Aftercare Important?

An intimate experience can be fun but also chaotic, both physically and emotionally. Just like there might be accidental bumps and hiccups, you or your partner may feel a host of different emotions that need to be addressed as well. Your time together after sex can be a great opportunity to do this.

How you and your partner spend time together after sex can determine your overall satisfaction with both the sexual experience and your relationship in general. A 3-month long study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that couples who spent more post-sex time engaging in activities that both partners enjoyed increased bonding and intimacy.

The same study also found that doing this over a period of time can lead to higher sexual and relationship satisfaction.

Furthermore, these feelings of satisfaction are not restricted to those in long-term relationships. Even in brief sexual encounters, including aftercare can make you feel more satisfied and secure.

If you are unfamiliar with sexual aftercare and unsure about how to incorporate it into your intimate experiences, here are a couple points to keep in mind.

1. Tune In To How You Feel

Paying attention to your mind and body after a sexual experience can provide you with important cues as to what you would like from your partner at that moment. Understanding how you feel can make it easier to start a conversation about it or suggest an activity that you and your partner can do together.

First, try noticing how your body feels. Are there any cramps or tension anywhere? Would a massage make you feel better? Do you need help straightening up?

Then, notice how you feel emotionally. Take note of whether you feel satisfied, vulnerable, anxious, upset, excited, or even hungry. Striking up a conversation with your partner about your feelings, making a joke, or even cooking a meal together can be great ways for you to break the tension and bond with each other.

Making aftercare intentional can increase the anticipation and excitement you feel for not just the sex, but also what comes afterwards.

2. Make Space For Both You And Your Partner

While it helps to know how you feel after a sexual experience, it is just as important to ask your partner if anything has come up for them.

A study on postcoital-dysphoria — i.e., a sudden feeling of sadness, tearfulness, or irritability after a sexual experience — found that about 40% of their all-male sample had experienced these feelings at some point during their lifetime. In a similar study on females, 46% of the participants reported having experienced feelings. These residual emotions, if left unaddressed, can contribute to lower sexual and relationship satisfaction.

If your partner is going through these or any other feelings that they may be finding difficult to bring up, it can help to let them know that you are there for them. An open conversation can help nudge you toward the resolution of complicated feelings. The addition of humor can bring lightness to the experience as well.

According to another study on couples, the expression of positive thoughts and feelings towards the partner post-sex leads to increased relationship satisfaction. So, using this time to compliment and reassure your partner goes a long way.

Conclusion

A couple's sexual life permeates beyond just the act of sex. Paying attention to the build up and aftermath of sex can enhance the overall quality of your relationship.