Long-distance relationships have always held a peculiar allure in popular culture. Somehow, they’re portrayed as heroic trials of love, requiring sacrifice, trust and resilience. At their best, they stretch emotional capacity, teach couples to communicate intentionally and strengthen bonds that are rooted in more than proximity. But at their worst, they may magnify insecurities, create avenues for avoidance and chip away at the trust in ways that might remain unnoticed until it’s too late.

Couples often struggle with the emotional complexities of long-distance dynamics. While every relationship faces challenges, certain patterns consistently appear as precursors to deeper dysfunction. These patterns are the very “red flags” that, if unaddressed, can lead to disconnection or worse, resentment.

Here are three long-distance red flags you should watch out for.

1. Chronic Avoidance Of Communication

Touted as the lifeline of any relationship, communication becomes all the more important in long-distance relationships. When your partner avoids talking by being unreachable, sometimes postponing calling you at the end of the day or offering vague excuses when they don’t, it can undermine trust and create emotional distance.

Such avoidance might also manifest as ghosting between check-ins, cancelling calls without explanation or engaging in conversation only when convenient.

As per attachment theory, people’s patterns of connecting with others are shaped by early caregiving relationships. Avoidant attachment styles, for instance, lead some individuals to pull away from intimacy when it feels overwhelming or threatening.

In the context of long distance, avoidance may not necessarily signal rejection but rather a coping mechanism to manage the anxiety or uncertainty that looms large in the absence of geographical proximity.

In such instances, how available and attuned a partner is strongly predicts commitment and emotional closeness. Avoidance that becomes frequent or chronic can send the implicit message of the other partner not being a priority.

Supporting this, observational research on partner responsiveness further underscores its importance. In a study of 79 U.S. dating couples sharing positive and negative experiences, researchers found that how a partner responded to a disclosure directly influenced the other partner’s perception of being supported.

The study showed that responsiveness during vulnerable moments, whether sharing good or bad news, shaped both the disclosing partner’s experience and the health of the relationship. This suggests that, to be responsive you don’t necessarily have to be physically present. It’s more about being supportive of your partner when emotional needs are expressed.

The reason avoidance of communication is a red flag is because even if your partner’s avoidance stems from anxiety rather than disinterest, repeated disengagement can destabilize the relationship’s sense of security. The more gaps there are in communication, the more room there is for assumptions, misunderstandings and insecurity to grow. Additionally, one of the partners may feel burdened with emotional labor while the other disengages.

Here’s what you can do instead:

• Approach the topic with empathy. “I know things get hectic, and I want to support you, but I also miss our connection. How can we make time to talk?”

• Set expectations together. Maybe daily calls aren’t realistic, sure, but scheduled weekly check-ins can offer reassurance.

• Pay attention to patterns, not isolated incidents. One missed call isn’t a red flag, consistent avoidance is.

2. Secrecy And A Lack Of Transparency

Trust is the currency of any relationship. In long-distance partnerships, in particular, where you rely on daily stories, time to time check-in messages and bigger updates to stay connected, trust is built primarily through narrative continuity; knowing who your partner is spending time with, what they’re going through and how they’re feeling.

When details are consistently withheld, discussions are deflected or explanations feel vague, it creates a space where doubt and anxiety can easily take root.

In contrast, trust only grows when partners perceive each other as reliable, dependable, caring and honest. On the flip side, secrecy triggers hypervigilance, where one partner obsessively scans for signs of deception or hidden threats, and naturally so given the suspicious nature of the matter.

For instance, when you meet someone new, you’ll likely only feel connected to them when they share something personal or relatable, rather than when you simply make small talk about the weather. The same principle applies to romantic relationships. Avoiding personal disclosure, especially during difficult times, robs the relationship of opportunities for closeness and understanding.

Such secrecy can stem from both internal and external pressures. According to a 2021 study on “knowledge hiding,” people often withhold information due to a fear of judgment, their own insecurities or environmental stressors. These factors are deeply intertwined, making it hard to separate personal choices from situational pressures.

Researchers also highlight the role of brain processes, such as the frontal lobe’s ability to organize and justify events in how secrecy is rationalized and maintained.

Considering this, secrecy is not always a conscious decision, but may be influenced by cognitive processes that help individuals manage anxiety, control narratives or protect themselves from perceived threats.

Nevertheless, secrecy is a red flag, because it signals a discomfort with intimacy. And in long-distance relationships, where reassurance through touch or presence isn’t always possible, shared stories and transparency become even more crucial for sustaining trust. Without it, anxiety easily fills the gaps and assumptions spiral out of control.

Even though it may be a protective strategy, a lack of transparency can prevent meaningful connection, deepen misunderstandings and leave one partner feeling excluded. Consequently, both partners feel isolated in their own ways.

To interrupt this pattern and deepen trust and intimacy in your relationship, practice the following:

• Prioritize openness. Be the first one to share your own experiences, struggles and joys. Vulnerability invites reciprocity and helps normalize difficult conversations.

• Use non-accusatory language. Instead of asking “Why didn’t you tell me?” say “I feel closer when we share more about what’s happening in our lives.” This approach focuses on connection rather than blame.

• Explore any underlying fears. If secrecy persists, gently ask if there are aspects of their life that feel hard to discuss. Approach the conversation with curiosity: “Is there something you’re worried about sharing?” Together, explore whether the fears can be addressed without judgment or pressure.

• Understand the cognitive influences at play. Recognize that secrecy might not always be deliberate but could stem from how the brain organizes experiences under stress. Patience and empathy, along with clear communication, can help both partners navigate these tendencies.

3. Behaviors Suggesting Excessive Control And Jealousy

Distance can amplify relationship insecurities. As a result, partners might over-monitor or question their significant other’s actions. While occasional jealousy is natural, constant suspicion, interrogating whereabouts or pressuring the other person for explanations signals deeper trust issues.

In a 2017 study where participants were induced to feel jealous, those with anxious attachment styles experienced the highest levels of jealousy. However, when given affectionate touch from their partner, these feelings significantly reduced. In contrast, traditional methods like verbal reassurance or security primes without touch did not alleviate jealousy.

These findings suggest that for anxiously attached individuals, physical touch offers a unique and powerful buffer against jealousy. But in case of long-distance relationships, where physical closeness is rare, this absence of touch can leave anxiously attached partners more prone to heightened jealousy and controlling behaviors as they seek reassurance through constant checking or surveillance.

Jealousy itself isn’t always inherently destructive, but when it becomes chronic and unmanaged, it can fuel controlling behaviors that undermine autonomy and emotional safety in a relationship.

Here’s what you can do to stop insecurities from derailing your connection:

• Recognize the role of attachment patterns. Understand that controlling behaviors may stem from fear and insecurity rather than malice. Approaching these patterns with empathy helps reduce defensiveness.

• Create alternative sources of reassurance. In the absence of physical touch, build rituals special to your relationship like scheduled calls, heartfelt messages or shared experiences that help soothe anxious feelings.

• Encourage healthy coping strategies. Invite open conversations about fears and offer support without reinforcing surveillance.

• Be mindful of escalation. If jealousy-driven control becomes frequent, consider relationship counseling to address attachment-related triggers and build secure communication patterns.

These red flags are not evidence of inevitable failure. However, they are signals that your relationship requires your attention. Long-distance in itself doesn’t end relationships, but failing to recognize and address harmful relationship patterns does.

Are you happy in your long-distance connection? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.