The 6 Kinds Of Lies And Why We Tell Them

Everyone lies, whether they'd like to admit it or not. Here's why, and how our different lies can affect us.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 23, 2024

Whether it is a white lie, gray lie, real lie or a small, inconsequential lie, everyone indulges in some form of lying across their lifetime. Its ubiquity seems unaffected by its moral disapproval and potential to harm one's reputation and relationships. Although the direct consequences of a lie are usually minimal when it goes undetected and unpunished, there may still be a psychological cost associated with it.

A delicate balance exists between honesty and deception that involves a careful consideration of the advantages to be gained that cannot be achieved by truthful means. People are often tempted to lie when the potential benefits outweigh the potential costs. Which brings us to:

Decoding The Motives Behind Lying

A 2018 study described the psychological process behind lies on the basis of two factors: the beneficiary and the motivation. The decision to lie is influenced by the beneficiary or the person who will benefit from the lie. The motivation behind the lie can be to either obtain a desirable outcome or prevent an undesirable outcome. Researchers came up with six types of lies based on the reasons that lead people to be dishonest:

Self-oriented beneficial lies. These lies are told to obtain positive outcomes for oneself. For example, claiming that a sum of money found is one's own.
Self-oriented protective lies. These lies are directed at avoiding a negative outcome or loss for oneself. For example, falsely denying hitting another car while parking.
Other-oriented beneficial lies. These lies are aimed at securing positive outcomes or achieving gains for others. For example, lying to a supervisor to support a co-worker's claim of illness.
Other-oriented protective lies. These lies are spoken to protect others from loss or negative outcomes. For example, falsely telling one's parents that one is doing well to prevent them from worrying.
Pareto beneficial lies. These lies are told to benefit the liar as well as another person. For example, falsifying the results in one's group project to get a better grade.
Pareto protective lies. These lies are spoken to prevent loss to oneself and another person. For example, a team manager telling superiors at work that they could not meet an important deadline due to technical issues, rather than blaming their team for not completing the task or taking personal accountability.

Irrespective of why people choose to lie, psychological burden of being deceptive weighs heavy on the conscience. Even if the lie goes undetected, the process of lying itself can be an inherently stressful activity.

Unveiling The Hidden Costs Of Deception

Lying can have a substantial impact on one's well-being. Research shows that people with a tendency to conceal the truth are more preoccupied with their lie and experience higher levels of negative emotions and lower life and relationship satisfaction.

The liar might find themselves consumed by the fear of the recipient discovering the truth. This fear may stem from guilt, paranoia or the ramifications of deception for one's integrity and their relationship with the recipient. The extent to which people fear discovery can influence how preoccupied they are with the lie and the level of negative emotions they subsequently feel.

A 2023 study examined the psychological consequences of telling lies. Liars were affected by their lies in the following ways:

Lower self-esteem. Liars had lower self-esteem than those who spoke the truth. Additionally, lying on any given day decreased the person's self-esteem compared to their self-esteem on the previous day as well as their average self-esteem level.
Higher negative affect. Researchers found that individuals who lied experienced the negative emotions of nervousness, regret, discomfort, unhappiness, guilt, embarrassment, shame and anger to a greater extent than those who were truthful.
Lower positive affect. In addition to evaluating negative emotions, researchers assessed liars for four positive emotions. People who lied experienced less comfort, happiness, relief and pride than their truthful counterparts.

The psychological costs of lying are profound and extend to various facets of well-being. These detrimental effects emphasize the importance of honesty in maintaining a healthy sense of self and positive relationships with others. It can be difficult to resist the alluring pull of lying, but overcoming this challenge is possible through cultivating self-awareness and seeking expert help.

Wondering if your lies are impacting your well-being? Take this survey to find out: Survey of Pathological Lying Behaviors

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.