4 Reasons Loneliness Hits Harder During The Holidays
From social comparison to unmet expectations, these forces quietly intensify holiday loneliness.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | December 29, 2025
For many people, the holidays are a time of joy, warmth and connection. But for a surprisingly large number of us, December feels like a season of isolation, even with company. Holiday parties, family dinners and festive gatherings can sharpen feelings of loneliness. We might experience this time like an emotional paradox, when we are supposed to feel happiest but are also left feeling our most lonely.
Understanding why loneliness intensifies during the holidays matters because the effects go beyond feeling blue for a few days. Loneliness is a subjective psychological experience, characterized by a gap between desired and actual social connection. That's why it's possible to feel lonely in a room full of people. If you sense your relationships lack meaning or emotional support, that warm fuzzy "holiday" feeling will elude you.
Here are four ways research explains this seasonal pattern.
1. You're Lonely Because Your Expectations Don't Match Your Reality
One of the most powerful drivers of holiday loneliness is social comparison. Research shows that loneliness stems from a perceived discrepancy between the relationships you have and those you want. When you compare your social life to the idealized images of togetherness, whether on social media, in ads or in holiday films, your own connections can suddenly feel inadequate.
In December, these contrasts are front and center. The cultural script tells us the holidays are about perfect families, laughter and shared traditions. If your reality doesn't match that script, the emotional gap feels larger.
If you live far from your family, are grieving a loss or have strained relationships, then your reality feels as though it doesn't "qualify" for the holiday season. Even people with strong social networks can feel lonely when they compare their experience with a perceived cultural ideal.
This tendency to compare your life to seemingly better versions of others', known as upward social comparison, has long been shown to predict higher reported loneliness independent of actual social contact.
2. You're Lonely Because Of Bittersweet Nostalgia
Holiday rituals, such as old songs, family recipes or even certain scents and aromas, naturally trigger nostalgia. And nostalgia is a complex emotional response in that it can alleviate loneliness by strengthening one's sense of past social bonds and belonging.
However, nostalgia's effects depend on context. A growing body of evidence shows that when feelings of loneliness are high, nostalgia can backfire. For instance, a daily diary study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that on days when people felt lonely and nostalgic, both loneliness and negative feelings were stronger compared to days they experienced nostalgia without loneliness.
During the holidays, nostalgia can vividly remind us of people who are no longer present: the loved ones who have passed away, old relationships that ended or childhood traditions long gone. Instead of comforting, these memories can amplify sadness and make the absence of connection more visible.
3. You're Lonely Because Of Holiday Stress
December isn't just about cheerful festivities. It also brings stressors that can expose or intensify feelings of loneliness. Financial pressure, travel challenges, family tensions and packed schedules all amplify emotional strain. Less sunlight in many regions also contributes to mood changes similar to seasonal affective disorder.
When stress rises, people naturally seek emotional comfort. But if the people around you cannot provide that support, or if your close relationships are distant or unsteady, stress can sharpen feelings of loneliness rather than soothe them. Stress can narrow cognitive resources and make individuals more sensitive to perceived social rejection or distance.
4. You're Lonely Because You're Checked Out
Paradoxically, being around people who don't see you or don't provide emotional resonance can feel lonelier than being alone. Loneliness arises when social interactions don't match personal needs for connection.
This is supported by research showing that loneliness does not necessarily decrease in proportion to actual social contact. You can be physically surrounded by others, at family dinners, holiday parties or church gatherings, and still feel a deep sense of social disconnection if the interactions lack warmth, understanding or emotional depth.
This helps explain why some people feel lonelier during holiday gatherings than during everyday routines. The social environment concedes quantity of interaction but not quality.
How To Not Feel Lonely During Holiday Season
While loneliness can feel particularly heavy and unrelenting in December, there are grounded strategies to mitigate the feeling. Here are a few simple ones:
- Acknowledge the feeling. Recognize that loneliness, especially during high-pressure seasons, is common and not a personal flaw. Understanding that perception matters can ease the weight of loneliness.
- Reframe social comparisons. Mindfully limit your exposure to idealized images of holiday joy on social media and media. Remind yourself that curated images rarely reflect the complexity of real life.
- Cultivate meaningful interactions. Focus on depth rather than breadth of social contact. Even one or two emotionally supportive conversations can be more fulfilling than many superficial greetings.
- Create new traditions. Establishing routines that align with your actual values, rather than imposed cultural scripts, can help shift the emotional narrative of the season.
- Practice purposeful reminiscence. Use nostalgia not to compare or mourn loss, but to affirm the value of meaningful connections and to motivate new ones.
Holiday loneliness is real, but it also reinforces that we're evolutionarily wired to seek connection. Feeling lonely in a season that highlights connection is not a sign of weakness. It is a reminder that relationships matter and that tending to them is both a psychological need and a deeply human task.
Is holiday nostalgia making you feel lonely? Take the science-backed Nostalgia Scale to know more.
Feeling stressed and lonely around community might reveal something about your personality. Discover if your animal avatar is social or solitary: Guardian Animal Test
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.