3 Signs You're Stuck In A 'Catch And Release' Dating Dynamic

Fishermen often release their fish after catching it, but, sometimes, they still don't survive. Could this be happening in your dating life? Here's how to tell.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 12, 2025

"Catch and release" is a fishing practice, but it's also a dating pattern. Someone reels you in with intensity, intrigue and effort. They might remember that one offhand comment you made about how much you loved lemon tarts as a kid. And two days later, they'll surprise you with one from your favorite bakery "just because." It feels intimate and intentional, like this person sees you.

You think it's going somewhere. But just as quickly, they let go. You're left confused, overanalyzing the spark, wondering what changed.

In actual fishing, the motive behind catch and release is often pure: to avoid harming what you don't intend to keep. But even with the best intentions, some fish don't make it. And though the damage isn't always visible in catch and release dating, it shows up as emotional whiplash, self-doubt and trust issues.

So why does this happen? Why do people pursue with such intensity only to disappear? Here are three signs you've been trapped in this dating pattern — and what they reveal about the person who let go.

1. Sharing Too Much, Too Early

Accepting that you know very little about someone you've just met is slowly becoming a lost art — but it's a protective one. When a connection feels magnetic, it's tempting to fast-forward intimacy. You open up quickly. You talk about childhood, old wounds, maybe even existential fears. And the other person seems fascinated, engaged and even moved.

But not everyone earns the backstage pass they're handed. People who "practice" catch and release often feed on emotional openness. This "I-need-to-feed-off-of-you" energy doesn't usually come from malice, and that can make it disarming.

Certain personalities experience emotional resonance quickly. Some are self-aware enough to pace themselves, while others dive in headfirst, unaware they're repeating a pattern until the crash comes, again.

What likely happened is that the emotional resonance — the late-night texts, the shared playlists, the stories — took precedence over any real-world compatibility. When the glow wore off and reality set in, they withdrew.

2. An Unconscious Talent For 'Faking' Compatibility

True compatibility doesn't reveal itself on a date. It has at least 24 dimensions — from values and communication styles to emotional rhythms and lifestyle fit — and it shows up over time, in patterns, priorities and how two lives actually align once the novelty fades. But in the early stages of a catch and release dynamic, it can feel a lot like compatibility.

You're into the same music. You both hate small talk. You seem to finish each other's thoughts. It's dangerously easy to mistake for a shared foundation.

Unfortunately, what might actually be happening here is mirroring — a subconscious or sometimes even strategic way of accelerating emotional closeness. People who fall into catch and release dating patterns often mirror your pace, your language and even your aspirations.

They don't mean to lie or shape-shift, they mean to connect. But they blur the line between resonance and reality. So while the compatibility isn't always "faked" with an agenda, when someone leads with performance instead of presence, what you often get is their idea of who they think you want them to be.

By the time you notice the disconnect, they're already halfway out the door — or worse, already chasing someone new.

3. Wearing Vulnerability Like An Armor

Some people weaponize bravado, and others weaponize softness. In catch and release dating, the "openness" often feels mutual. Maybe they even got more vulnerable than you did earlier than you opened up.

But sometimes, vulnerability can be a shield. When someone overshares too quickly, especially if it's heavy, unresolved or oddly rehearsed, it can create a false sense of safety. You assume they're emotionally available. But more often, they're emotionally overloaded and not grounded enough to hold space for anyone else's inner world.

To you, their vulnerability might have signaled depth. To them, you were a release valve — a momentary container for all the emotion they hadn't yet metabolized.

The hardest pill to swallow here is that neither of these things is inherently "wrong." Yes, they were probably deep. And yes, you were probably the perfect muse for that depth. But not every emotional outpouring is an invitation to stay. Sometimes, it's a soft exit disguised as a meaningful entry.

Pop music figures, from Taylor Swift and John Mayer to Drake and Rihanna, have built entire careers on being vulnerable about their catch-and-release tendencies — often while leaving a trail of confused lovers (and platinum hits) behind them. And it's probably not a coincidence that some of them have been famously, and sometimes viciously, entangled with each other. But here's the good news: you don't need a sold-out show or a record deal to break the cycle.

Recognizing the pattern is the first step. Naming it gives you power. And the next time someone reels you in fast, you'll know to ask: Is this connection grounded in real life — or just a really catchy hook?

Do you fall fast and call it love, only to regret it later? See where you stand on the Emotional Promiscuity Scale.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.