2 Ways To Improve Your 'Post-Date Hygiene'
Stop trying to 'play it cool' after your first dates; instead, start embracing how attractive emotional availability is.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | November 05, 2024
We've all heard the infamous three-day rule: after a great first date, you're supposed to wait three days before calling or texting to avoid looking "too eager." This outdated piece of advice has stuck around for decades, perpetuating the idea that interest should be hidden to keep the "mystery" alive.
But, playing it cool is not only unnecessary—it's counterproductive. Hinge's latest D.A.T.E report found that 56% of Gen Z Hinge daters have held back on communicating their interest and missed out on a potential connection because they were worried about rejection.
"The idea that you could put yourself out there and get rejected by someone you hold in high regard is terrifying. There were times in my life I'm sure the feelings were reciprocated, but the 'what if' kept both of us from ever moving forward. In time, I've learned that people are like spiders: just as afraid of you as you are of them," says Hinge Dater Khai Bellamy.
So, if you're genuinely interested in someone after a first date, the last thing you should do is hold back. Instead, start practicing what I call "post-date hygiene," which refers to the immediate actions and communication that follow a first date with someone you want to continue seeing.
By practicing good post-date hygiene, you take advantage of a critical window to deepen your bond and show emotional availability, two key ingredients for a healthy, lasting relationship.
Here are two ways to keep up your post-date hygiene.
1. Don't Wait Too Long To Check-In After The Date
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a great first date is waiting too long to reach out. This hesitation ends up sending the wrong message: disinterest. In contrast, checking in sooner rather than later shows that you're confident in your feelings and emotionally available, which is far more attractive than playing games.
A simple message like, "hey, I had a great time today! I really enjoyed our conversations and the energy you brought to the date," can go a long way. Mentioning something memorable or fun from the date—whether it's an inside joke or a particularly interesting topic you discussed—adds a personal touch and shows that you were truly engaged.
For instance, Tinder's "green flags" study this year found that 59% of heterosexual women found it chivalrous and caring when their date made sure they got home safely after the date.
Such gestures create an immediate connection, reinforcing the positive feelings from the date and leaving your match with a sense of security and clarity about where they stand with you. It also opens the door for follow-up conversations.
2. Be Consistent
Consistency is the cornerstone of good post-date hygiene. After a promising first date, it's important to show your date that your interest isn't fleeting. Making the effort to stay consistent in your communication signals emotional responsiveness and sincerity, two traits that are highly valued in relationships.
So, what does consistency look like in practice? First, it means keeping in touch regularly. You don't need to bombard your date with texts or calls, but maintaining a steady level of communication helps keep the connection alive.
Hinge's D.A.T.E report also mentions the importance of practicing good "digital body language," or DBL, which involves timely, authentic and thoughtful responses instead of delayed or one-word answers. 77% of users found that this was an important indicator of a match's interest. Such communication also gives you an opportunity to learn more about their worldview and your compatibility.
Making concrete plans for a second date is another important element of consistency. Instead of vague statements like "let's hang out sometime," make an effort to plan something specific, meaningful or fun that takes both of your interests into account. For instance, if your date mentions that they love trying new food, suggest a new restaurant to try together. Or, if they say they enjoy being outdoors, plan a casual hike or walk in the park.
In addition to logistical consistency, emotional consistency is just as critical. This means being emotionally available and open about your feelings as the relationship progresses. If you're interested, say so. If you're curious about something they mentioned during the date, follow up and ask.
Post-date hygiene isn't just about being polite or following social norms—it's about creating a strong emotional foundation early in the relationship. Many people focus solely on how well the date went, but overlook the importance of what happens after.
Good post-date hygiene also isn't just about getting to date number two—it's about setting the stage for a relationship where both people feel valued, appreciated and excited to spend more time together. It becomes an investment in the potential future you could have with this person.
So, the next time you leave a great first date, ditch the three-day rule, and make a move that reflects your authentic feelings. It could be the beginning of something truly special, but only if you let it.
Does a fear of intimacy stop you from following up on your dates? Take this test to learn more: Fear of Intimacy Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.