How To Know What 'Marriage Type' You Have And Whether It Needs Revitalizing

There are five kinds of marriage, ranked from worst to best. Here's how to strive to have the best kind.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 13, 2024

Just as individuals differ, so do the bonds we share. Marriages—while seemingly similar at surface level—are all unique, filled with highs, lows, conflicts, resolutions and quiet triumphs that are personal to each couple.

Research reveals that marriages can be categorized into distinct types, and that each type is likely to experience starkly different levels of satisfaction—from deep discontent to enduring fulfillment.

Experiencing dissatisfaction in a marriage can feel crushing, leaving partners envious of how "perfect couples" manage to get it right. In light of this, psychologists have put forward research-backed rules that can help revive problematic unions.

The 5 Types Of Marriage

Research from The Family Journal studied over 6,000 couples to identify differences in married couples' levels of relationship satisfaction and quality, as well as the factors that make or break these levels of fulfillment.

Given the uniqueness of marital bonds, as well as the uniqueness of the partners within, marriage can be difficult to categorize. In their investigations, the researchers were able to develop a typology of marriages that considered the intricacies of couples—both as partners and as individuals.

The authors outlined five distinct marriage types, each encapsulating differences and similarities in the partners' demographic backgrounds, beliefs, roles and relationship maintenance behaviors:

Devitalized couples. As the most dissatisfied group, these couples exhibit palpable discontent with the lowest marital satisfaction scores. Younger, less educated, often in lower-status occupations, they grapple with enduring dissatisfaction, contemplating divorce in the majority of cases. Their journey is marked by shorter marriages, a higher likelihood of religious heterogamy and a surprising frequency of previous divorces.
Conflicted couples. Despite communication challenges, these couples often share a consensus on egalitarian roles and religion. Demographically akin to devitalized couples, they bear the weight of less education, lower income and more religious heterogamy. Despite often contemplating divorce and grappling with dissatisfaction, they stand resilient, not diverging significantly in separation rates from the overall sample.
Traditional couples. Emerging as satisfied custodians of tradition, these couples find fulfillment in parenting and religious accord. Younger yet married longer, more educated and higher earning, they favor traditional roles. Less frequently separated and less considerate of divorce, their narrative is one of stability, contentment and commitment to the sanctity of their first marriages.
Harmonious couples. These couples held moderately high scores in marital interaction, yet diverged in their consensus on parenting issues. Older but earlier in marriage with fewer children, they exhibit higher education and job statuses. Despite men facing unexpected lower incomes and women often working full-time, divorce remains uncommon in this group. With 94% reporting overall satisfaction, they epitomize balance.
Vitalized couples. At the zenith of marital satisfaction, these couples maintained the highest scores across all domains, navigating conflict resolution with grace. Older, more educated and economically stable, they exude marital bliss and strong communication skills. 86% of these couples never once consider divorce, virtually all reporting satisfaction, and none facing the agony of separation. Theirs is a story of enduring love, effective communication and the triumph of a flourishing marital bond.

How To Vitalize Your Marriage

Feelings of exasperation within marriage—as the research shows—are common, but they do not need to be the downfall of your relationship. A recurring theme related to the success and satisfaction of the different types of marriage is the ability for partners to effectively communicate their differences and feelings.

Further research from Communication in Marriage outlined that complacent couples will often become set in their ways of interacting with their partners, believing that they need to maintain their existing ways of relating to one another in order to survive. This static behavior, however, is not beneficial to any kind of marriage.

In lieu of this, research outlines five rules for communication that, if followed by both partners, will pave the way for a partnership characterized by transparency, honesty and respect—allowing dissatisfaction to be aired without creating tension:

Never imply a judgment on the other. When expressing yourself, be mindful not to criticize or condemn your partner, in the same way you would hope not to be scrutinized for airing grievances. Create an environment where both of you can communicate openly without feeling judged.
Emotions are neutral—neither good nor bad. Understand that your feelings, as well as your partner's, aren't inherently right or wrong. Embrace the idea that everyone experiences emotions differently, and that there's no value judgment attached to how someone feels.
Feelings must be integrated with intellect and will. When making decisions or addressing issues in your relationship, combine your emotional responses with rational thinking and intentional actions. Find a balance between your heart and your mind, giving each equal importance.
Emotions must be reported. Share your feelings openly with your partner. By communicating your emotions, you allow them to understand your perspective better while honoring and respecting your own needs, desires and experiences.
Emotions must be reported when experienced. Timing is crucial in communication. Share your emotions promptly, as you experience them. This helps in addressing concerns in the moment, preventing misunderstandings and promoting a proactive approach to resolving issues in your relationship.

Conclusion

While research outlines that there are different types and rankings of marriages, in reality, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Each is shaped by the quirks, experiences and growth of the partners within. Instead of trying to fit into an idealized mold, the key lies instead in being honest and authentic in relating to one another. Transparency forms a sound foundation in marriage that enables deeper understanding between partners. Through this patient and authentic transparency, you and your partner pave the way for a relationship based on genuine love and acceptance—imperfections and all.

If you'd like to kick-start your marriage revitalization journey, take the Marital Satisfaction Scale to find out your baseline: Marital Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.