A Psychologist Offers Advice For Recovering 'Love Addicts'

Addiction isn't limited to substances and alcohol. Here's why affection can create one of the most intoxicating cycles of addiction.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 01, 2024

Love addiction, also known as affective dependence, is a condition where an individual develops an unhealthy and obsessive fixation with a love interest and compulsively seeks the experience of "falling in love." Some phrases symptomatic of love addiction include:

"I can't live without you."
"I wish I knew how to quit you."
"I need to spend every second of my day with you."

Intense passion that overshadows one's sense of self can indicate love addiction. It involves constantly craving the feelings of euphoria and joy that come from connecting romantically with someone new, regardless of their suitability or availability.

Love addiction often leads to negative consequences, such as losing self-esteem and experiencing "withdrawal" symptoms when the relationship ends. Understanding its underlying mechanisms is crucial to navigating these intense feelings.

How Does Love Addiction Work?

Love addiction is a psychological craving—an insatiable hunger for the presence of the other person. A study published in the Journal Of Neurophysiology found that the process of addiction to love is linked to the reward and motivation regions in our brains.

As we fall in love, we experience a rush of dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and serotonin. This triggers feelings of happiness, euphoria and a drive for relentlessly pursuing one's partner, who elicits this chemical cocktail.

In fact, the process of love addiction is akin to the "neural fireworks" observed in instances of substance abuse. The signs can include intense cravings for one's object of affection, a fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, emotional turmoil and compulsive behaviors to retain the relationship.

Love addiction also involves a cycle of obsession. "Love addicts" may obsess over their partners, frequently relive shared memories, overanalyze conversations and feel debilitating levels of discomfort in their absence.

The highs are intoxicating—their laughter, scent and mere presence can feel euphoric. Yet, when their partners are perceived as distant or unresponsive, love addicts may spiral into a state of withdrawal, overwhelmed by anxiety, despair and yearning, which fuels the addiction and makes it even harder to break free from the cycle of obsession.

Why Love Addiction Is Harmful For Your Relationship

Love addiction is associated with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and relationship problems. A 2023 study also found that love addiction is associated with lower levels of relationship satisfaction and high levels of jealousy, possessiveness and a fear of abandonment.

Such an intense emotional and physical attachment to someone goes beyond ordinary love. Love addicts feel a compulsive need to be with and please their partners, even if it means sacrificing their own needs and well-being. The habit of always putting one's partner's needs above one's own can lead to feelings of resentment, anger and frustration.

Obsessive love also fuels the potential for codependency, a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person relies almost exclusively on their partner for emotional support, validation and experiencing self-worth.

Love addicts may also struggle with intimacy and trust issues, making it difficult for them to form healthy relationships. Which brings us to:

How to Overcome Love Addiction

Breaking free from love addiction is challenging, but possible. Here are some techniques that can help love addicts move on:

Recognize the problem and seek professional help. Love addiction may have underlying causes, such as childhood trauma, attachment issues or low self-worth. Individuals can benefit from professional treatment to overcome emotional dependence and develop healthy relationships.
Focus on self-care and self-love. Take care of your physical, emotional and mental health and learn to love and accept yourself for who you are. For instance, practicing mindfulness and self-reflection can help you gain insight into your thoughts and feelings, develop a healthier relationship with your inner world and start healing the roots of your dependency on others.
Set boundaries. You can gradually limit your exposure to the person who is the object of your invasive desire. This may mean blocking them on social media, avoiding places they frequent or even cutting off contact altogether. Initially, this may be challenging, but giving yourself space and time to heal is essential.
Seek support from loved ones. Contact friends or family who can offer support, empathy and guidance. Talking about your feelings and getting feedback from others can help you gain perspective, process your emotions and learn new coping skills.

Love addiction can have detrimental effects on one's mental health and romantic relationships. Self-reflection and professional help can aid individuals in overcoming such harmful behavior patterns and transform their inner world and relationships for the better.

Do you have a tendency to become addicted to love? Find out by taking this test: Love Addiction Inventory

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.