3 Ways To Change Your Communication For A Stronger Marriage

Communication is the foundation of your marriage. Here's how to use it right.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 21, 2024

Building a successful marriage takes more than love; it requires intentional communication that nurtures trust, connection and understanding.

In fact, a 2018 review revealed that how couples communicate and engage with each other is directly linked to their happiness and marital satisfaction.

So, how can you make sure communication becomes the glue that holds your marriage together, rather than the wedge that drives it apart?

Here are three ways to engage in high quality communication and create a happier marriage, according to the review.

1. Prioritize Small, Everyday Moments Of Intimacy

Small, daily interactions matter just as much—if not more—than grand gestures in a marriage. Researchers suggest that simple communication activities, such as engaging in small talk, sharing moments of verbalized and non-verbal affection, creating opportunities to have fun together and expressing gratitude and support for one another can create a deep sense of closeness and connection.

These everyday interactions are viewed as signs of investment, commitment and care in the relationship, which reinforce stability and emotional security.

Researchers also suggest that such positive interactions enhance marital satisfaction because of the "positive sentiment override." This means that positive feelings toward the relationship outweigh negative moments, buffering against the damaging effects of conflict.

For instance, relationship expert John Gottman suggests that the 5:1 ratio is key to marital satisfaction, where for every negative interaction between partners, there should be five or more positive ones to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Positive exchanges foster understanding and empathy, making it easier for couples to approach issues constructively.

2. Approach Conflict With Compassion

It's not whether you fight, but how you fight that matters in marriage. A 2021 study published in Frontiers In Psychology highlights the importance of both partners actively engaging with one another to discuss their issues instead of avoiding them.

Additionally, it's essential that couples maintain respect for each other in the process, focusing on constructive communication rather than being critical and defensive, despite disagreement. For instance, communicating more positively involves using emotional cues like interest, enthusiasm, affection or humor when appropriate, to soften difficult conversations and signal a problem-solving mindset.

Researchers also suggest that effective conflict management involves using tools like the "listener-speaker technique," where one partner truly listens—without interruption—while the other speaks, ensuring that both feel heard. They also find that couples who use "we" pronouns during disagreements also tend to feel more united, framing the problem as something to solve together.

3. Avoid Playing The Blame Game

Strong communication skills also involve using "I" statements rather than "you" statements when expressing feelings or concerns. Saying, "I feel hurt when…" instead of "you always do this" prevents the conversation from becoming accusatory and helps foster a sense of responsibility for one's own emotions.

Incorporating "I" statements can significantly change the tone of any discussion. It not only reduces defensiveness by fostering a more open, non-confrontational dialogue, but also encourages partners to be more vulnerable, deepening emotional intimacy and helping partners feel safer to share their true feelings without fear of being attacked.

Creating a lasting marriage isn't just about surviving challenging moments—it's about thriving through consistent, meaningful communication. When both partners commit to these habits, marriage becomes more than a shared life; it becomes a shared journey of growth, support and enduring love.

Do you believe that you and your partner handle conflict effectively? Take this test to learn more: Ineffective Arguing Inventory

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.