2 Ways For Spouses To Overcome 'Loneliness' In Marriage

Loneliness doesn't discriminate when it comes to who it affects. Here's two ways to overcome it within your marriage.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 24, 2025

Even in the closest, most committed marriages, loneliness can creep in. It's a painful reality that many couples experience, but one that's rarely talked about. You may share a home, a routine and even a deep love, yet still feel emotionally isolated. The reasons for this vary—life's stresses, unspoken resentments or simply growing apart over time.

But what's important is knowing that loneliness in marriage isn't inevitable. In fact, February 2025 research from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy has found two simple yet powerful tools that can help buffer the eroding impact of loneliness in a marriage—gratitude and forgiveness.

Here's how you and your spouse can incorporate them into your married life.

Gratitude, Forgiveness And Loneliness In Marriage

"It began in the pandemic when I was more attuned to people's comments about being lonely," explained the lead author of the study, Dr. Chelom Leavitt, in an interview with PsyPost. "I wrote a blog on it, and it went viral. I thought, 'This has touched a nerve, and we need to explore this.'"

Consequently, Leavitt and her colleagues became interested in the effects of gratitude and forgiveness on the connection between loneliness and relationship satisfaction.

In total, theirstudy analyzed data from 1,614 newly married couples—looking specifically at their feelings of loneliness, their ability to forgive their partner, how often they expressed gratitude as well as their overall satisfaction with their marriage.

The findings were unsurprisingly clear-cut: loneliness was indeed linked to lower relationship satisfaction for both husbands and wives. Even if only one partner felt lonely, both partners' relationship satisfaction sank. However, when spouses actively practiced gratitude and forgiveness, this negative impact was statistically significantly weakened, with their relationship being much less likely to suffer.

Fascinatingly, there was a caveat: when husbands alone were more forgiving, it also positively affected their wives' relationship satisfaction—even when the husbands themselves were feeling lonely. This suggests that forgiveness helps more than just the person who offers it; the positive effect of one person's forgiveness cascades into the relationship as a whole.

Leavitt emphasized the power of perspective in this regard. "Loneliness is real and something that a lot of us deal with," she explained. "However, we don't have to just be victims of it. We can take a proactive stance and invest in our well-being by practicing a little more gratitude and forgiveness with ourselves and our partners."

It's easy to feel like you're on an island sometimes—like you and your spouse are living parallel lives rather than truly sharing one. But sometimes, all you really need is a reminder that you have much to be thankful for—or that it's time to let go of emotions that no longer serve you.

How To Practice More Gratitude In Your Marriage

The most common misconception about gratitude as a concept is that it only entails platitudinal "thank yous." In reality, it's so much more than this—and so much more powerful. True gratitude means fully appreciating your partner and your relationship, even during the moments that seem meaningless or routine.

Often, partners unconsciously fall into a pattern of taking each other for granted—most especially in a long-term relationship. Grand gestures may be explicitly appreciated, but the small acts of kindness that hold your marriage together may go unacknowledged.

The coffee you wake up to without asking; the "How was your day?" or "Tell me more" after work; the flirty or funny memes they send you; the jars they open for you; the lunches they pack for you; the outings they take with the kids that allow you some alone time—we speak so often of these "little things" that matter most, yet forget to give them the recognition they deserve.

Making the concerted effort to notice and acknowledge these small declarations of love can go a long way in keeping the connection alive. Here's how to start:

• Show, don't tell. No more generic "Thank yous." Genuine gratitude requires specificity, like, "Thank you for making my coffee this morning—it really started my day off right." Or, "I love how patient you were with the kids tonight. I know it wasn't easy."
• Start a gratitude ritual. Some couples also find it very helpful to share one thing they appreciate about each other before bed or over dinner. It doesn't have to be grand—sometimes, it's the little things that matter most.
• Always look for the good. When things aren't perfect—because they almost never are—gratitude will shift your focus. Instead of dwelling on what your partner didn't do, find something they did do, and acknowledge it.

And, most importantly, gratitude shouldn't just be reserved for your partner; you also need to extend it to yourself. Take a moment to acknowledge what you bring to the marriage, whether it's your kindness, your sense of humor or your ability to keep things running smoothly. In some cases, loneliness may stem from within—by not recognizing your worthiness—rather than from what your spouse is or isn't doing.

Practicing Forgiveness—For Your Partner And Yourself

Much like gratitude, forgiveness is commonly misrepresented. To forgive isn't necessarily to forget; burying past problems in your mind and pretending that they never happened is not what it means to forgive. Rather, it's to let go—to release your resentment so that it doesn't weigh you or your relationship down. And just like gratitude, it's a practice that benefits both partners.

Here's how to use it right in your relationship:

• Always opt for the benefit of the doubt. Instead of seeing mistakes as proof that your partner doesn't care, try to view them through a lens of understanding. Maybe they were overwhelmed, distracted or didn't realize how their actions affected you. That doesn't excuse the odd hurtful behavior, but it certainly makes it easier to move forward.
• Forgive the small things first. Not every annoyance needs to be an argument. If they forgot to take out the trash, left their socks on the floor or snapped at you after a long day, ask yourself: Is this worth holding onto, or can I let it go? In most cases, you can. Choosing to remain angry or bitter is exactly that: a choice.
• Let actions speak. Sometimes, actively showing your forgiveness is more powerful than just verbalizing it. A reassuring touch, a thoughtful gesture or simply moving past a mistake without bringing it up again is the best way of showing your partner that you're choosing them over your resentment.

Much like gratitude, forgiveness isn't just reserved for your partner. The absolution you so readily give to others is something you deserve, too. Too often, we hold ourselves to impossibly high standards—berating ourselves for every mistake. But just like your spouse, you are only human. Put yourself or your spouse on an unreachable pedestal, and you're bound to feel lonely up there with no way to reach them.

When left unaddressed, loneliness can quickly become a quiet undercurrent in your marriage. The only way out of it is through—by focusing on what brings you together, rather than on what keeps you apart. The more you focus on the good, the less isolated you'll feel. And in the end, that's what turns a marriage from something distant into something that fulfills you wholeheartedly.

Do you feel the weight of loneliness in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Loneliness In Intimate Relationships Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.