How long does this quiz take?

It takes about three minutes to complete.

Are my responses private?

Yes, all answers are anonymized and confidential.

Can I take this test more than once?

Yes, you can retake the test any time to see how your results may have changed.

Will this quiz tell me why I sabotage my relationships?

The results provide an overview of your tendencies toward defensiveness and trust issues, which are common drivers of sabotage.

Can my results help me improve my current relationship?

Yes, by identifying specific self-defeating behaviors, you can begin to address them through open communication or professional support.

Use this scientifically validated scale to uncover whether insecurities or fears are leading you to undermine your own romantic happiness.

Relationship Sabotage Scale

Identify self-defeating patterns and build healthier, more resilient romantic connections.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | Last Updated: December 27, 2025

Reviewed for clinical accuracy by Jourdan Travers, LCSW

Relationship sabotage refers to self-defeating behaviors—such as defensiveness, trust issues, and the avoidance of intimacy—that individuals engage in to protect themselves from potential hurt. While these actions are often rooted in deep-seated fears or insecurities, they ironically lead to the very outcomes people fear most: the dissolution of their romantic bonds.

The root causes of these behaviors often stem from insecure attachment styles, past traumas, or low self-esteem. Individuals may feel unworthy of love or fear abandonment, leading them to push partners away or create unnecessary conflict. Understanding these triggers is a vital step toward healing. For those who struggle with getting close to others, taking the Fear of Intimacy Scale can provide further clarity on these emotional barriers.

The Relationship Sabotage Scale, developed by researchers Raquel Peel and Nerina Caltabiano, measures these self-defeating behaviors. By taking this test, you can identify the specific patterns that may be undermining your connection and gain actionable insights into building a healthier, more secure partnership. And, if you find yourself struggling with communication, you may also find our Ineffective Arguing Inventory helpful .

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does this quiz take?: It takes about three minutes to complete.
Are my responses private?: Yes, all Relationship Sabotage Scale answers are anonymized and confidential.
Can I take this test more than once?: Yes, you can retake the test any time to see how your Relationship Sabotage Scale results may have changed.
Will this quiz tell me why I sabotage my relationships?: The results provide an overview of your tendencies toward defensiveness and trust issues, which are common drivers of sabotage.
Can my results help me improve my current relationship?: Yes, by identifying specific self-defeating behaviors, you can begin to address them through open communication or professional support.

Relationship Sabotage Scale: Take The 12-Item Test

Step 1: Rate Your Relationship Sabotage Tendencies

For each statement, indicate how much you agree on a scale of 1 (Strongly Disagree) to 5 (Strongly Agree). For best results, answer honestly and trust your first instinct.

1. I often get blamed unfairly for issues in my relationship.

2. I frequently feel misunderstood by my partner.

3. I regularly feel criticized by my partner.

4. My partner often makes me feel like a lesser person.

5. I get upset about how much time my partner spends with their friends.

6. I believe I need to know where my partner is to keep them safe.

7. I often feel jealous of my partner.

8. I regularly check my partner's social media profiles.

9. I rarely try to understand my partner's feelings when they are upset.

10. I am not open to finding solutions and working out issues in the relationship.

11. I am unwilling to admit when I am wrong in the relationship.

12. I am not open to my partner's suggestions for improving our relationship.

Step 2: Enter Your Demographics

Provide your age, gender, region, and first name for a detailed report comparing your results to others.

What is your age?

What is your gender?

What region of the world do you live in?

What is your first name?

Step 3: Submit Your Relationship Sabotage Scale Answers

After completing all questions, click below to send your responses to Mark Travers, Ph.D. All answers are anonymized and confidential.

References

Peel, R., & Caltabiano, N. (2021). The Relationship Sabotage Scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology, 9(1), 1-15.

Disclaimer

This scale is designed for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment.