New Research Debunks The Greatest Myth About 'Premarital Pregnancy'

There's no 'correct order' when it comes to marriage and family — and new research proves it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | April 23, 2025

For generations, the idea that couples who have a baby before getting married are somehow "doomed" has shaped cultural norms, social policy and personal expectations.

The assumption is as familiar as it is insidious: if a child is born "out of wedlock," their parents' relationship is likely to be unstable, short-lived or dysfunctional. And the label for that child — a "bastard" — has long carried the weight of shame, failure and moral judgment.

This myth didn't come out of nowhere. It has deep roots in religious dogma, racist stereotypes and rigid heteronormative ideals about what a "real" family should look like. For much of modern history, deviating from the white-picket-fence template of marriage-then-baby was seen as irresponsible, or even immoral.

And unfortunately, many couples have internalized this message — fearing that if their baby came "too soon," then their future marriage was destined to fall apart. However, new research from Personal Relationships finally calls this belief what it is: a myth.

Here's what the study found, and what it means for real families navigating real life, outside of outdated timelines.

Premarital Pregnancy And Marital Outcomes

The research team behind the Personal Relationships study were driven by a clear question: Is having a child before marriage actually associated with worse marital outcomes? Or have we simply assumed that it is?

In an interview with PsyPost, lead researcher Emma Willis-Grossmann explained her motivation: "While researching the topic of premarital pregnancy, child outcomes and coparenting relationships, I noticed that much of the literature took a deficit approach." Continuing, she explained, "The research often framed the premarital pregnancy as the beginning of the end for a happy and satisfying relationship between the parents."

The prevailing narrative — in both society and research — has been that these relationships are more fragile or less serious. But Willis-Grossmann and her colleagues suspected that this conclusion might not reflect the empirical truth.

To test this, the researchers took a careful look at the marriages of 47 U.S. couples. They followed these couples over time, comparing those who married before having children with those who married after already becoming parents. The goal was to understand how long these marriages lasted — and what kinds of patterns emerged.

The results showed that, across the board, couples who had a child before marrying did not have worse marital outcomes than couples who followed the more traditional route. In other words, premarital pregnancy — on its own — did not predict breaking up before marriage, lower eventual marital satisfaction nor disillusionment. This held true even after accounting for a wide range of background factors.

These findings challenge a long-standing cultural assumption. The myth has always been that a "backward" order — baby first, then marriage — must reflect impulsivity, immaturity or instability. But the reality is that many couples who become parents before marrying are just as intentional about their long-term partnership. They may even be more motivated to build something lasting, having already experienced the deep bonds and shared responsibilities that come with parenthood.

Of course, not every relationship survives, but this is true regardless of whether the baby came before or after the vows. The real question, as the researchers suggest, isn't when the child arrived. It's why the couple chooses to marry — and how aligned they are in that decision.

What Actually Determines Marital Outcomes

The myth that premarital pregnancies doom couples to a future unhappy marriage has always been rooted in assumption — and, more often than not, in stigma. It assumes that if a couple becomes parents before marrying, they must have done so accidentally, irresponsibly or without long-term commitment.

But, as Willis-Grossman explains, this couldn't be further from reality. "Outcomes are not determined by one event," she explains. "Rather, outcomes are determined by a variety of events, demographics and small decisions we make every day."

When the research team looked deeply into the data, they found that what actually predicted the success of a marriage had far more to do with the couple's shared values and level of commitment. Specifically, couples who reported being on the same page about family, parenting and their future together were more likely to remain married — regardless of whether their child arrived before or after the wedding.

This reflects something that therapists have known for a long time: relationships thrive not because they follow a particular timeline, but because both partners are willing to do the work. They're willing to communicate honestly, support each other and adapt as life unfolds. A marriage entered after having a child can absolutely be rooted in love, maturity and long-term vision. In many cases, it already is.

The idea that couples are "doomed" if they don't follow the traditional path — engagement, marriage, house, then baby — has less to do with research and more to do with lingering social scripts. For generations, people have used terms like "born out of wedlock" or "illegitimate child" to categorize and stigmatize families that don't fit a narrow mold. The word "bastard," laden with cultural baggage, reflects centuries of judgment that punished not just the parents, but the children, too.

And while we may be more progressive today in how we talk about families, old ideas like these die hard. As research from Social Service Review suggests, policies and social attitudes have treated premarital parenthood as a moral or social failure.

But the data tells a different story: when two people align in their goals, values and responsibility — that is, when they genuinely want to build a life together — the order in which they reach those milestones is simply irrelevant.

Life doesn't always unfold in the way we imagined it. The "white picket fence" fantasy has very carefully choreographed steps, which almost never account for economic reality and shifting cultural norms. More importantly, it completely disregards the complexities of love, timing and human growth.

Sometimes, life happens out of order. A couple may become parents before they can afford a wedding. They may delay marriage until their finances are stable or until they feel emotionally ready. And during that time, they may raise a child, grow together and come to realize how strong their partnership really is. An eventual marriage, for these couples, isn't to fix something broken. It simply solidifies and formalizes what's already real for them.

There's no one right way to build a family. And for many modern couples, what once looked like an "incorrect" timeline ends up being the very thing that strengthens their union. Parenthood tests them; it changes them. Yet, they come out on the other side still committed as ever — still choosing one another.

Traditionalists may view their marriage as a consolation prize, but these couples know more than anyone else what it truly stands for: a celebration of the love and life they've worked so hard to build together.

Has your "milestone timeline" brought you and your spouse closer together? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Marital Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.