Are You An 'Emotionally Intelligent Parent'? Here's 2 Ways To Tell

It takes emotional intelligence in order to teach it to someone else. Do you have what it takes to imbue it in your child?

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | September 03, 2024

Parenting requires a blend of patience, insight and emotional awareness to create the most supportive and nurturing environment for children. Emotionally intelligent parents are not just aware of their own emotions, but also skilled at recognizing and responding to the emotions of their children.

A parent's ability to regulate their emotions is also crucial to their child's welfare. A review published in June in Psychological Reports found that two personality traits in particular enhance their ability to self-regulate and create a balanced and emotionally supportive household.

"Well-regulated parents are likely to experience more confidence in their ability to parent and are more likely to be supportive and sensitive to their child's needs," the researchers explain.

Here are two personality traits that an emotionally intelligent parent displays, according to the study.

1. Conscientiousness

Conscientiousness refers to an individual's ability to be organized, responsible and goal-oriented. For parents, being conscientious means that they are attentive to the needs of their children, establishing routines that promote security and consistency at home.

Highly conscientious parents are deliberate in their actions and mindful of how their behavior impacts their children's emotional well-being. For instance, they will take the time to reflect on how different parenting strategies affect their child's emotional growth. They are also more likely to set realistic expectations for their children and provide the necessary support to help them meet these expectations.

"Better parental regulation could be manifested in the preference for order and structure, work ethic and commitment to goals, which are the different facets of conscientiousness. When conscientious people become parents, they will be committed to the parental role and will strive to achieve order and structure for their children, resulting in adaptive parenting practices," the researchers write.

Conscientious parents are also proactive in addressing potential challenges before they become significant issues. When children face difficulties, conscientious parents help them navigate these challenges with patience and understanding, rather than reacting impulsively. This thoughtful approach ensures that children learn how to handle emotions constructively.

Such parents also tend to prioritize the long-term well-being of their children over short-term fixes. This means that they are more likely to engage in activities that promote emotional intelligence in their children, such as open communication, active listening and emotional validation.

2. Agreeableness

Agreeableness is characterized by warmth, kindness and a cooperative nature. Agreeable parents tend to be empathetic and compassionate, which allows them to connect emotionally with their children. This also helps them feel loved, understood and valued.

An agreeable parent is skilled at recognizing the emotions of their children and responding to them in a nurturing way. They are more likely to engage in empathetic listening, where they truly seek to understand their child's perspective without judgment. This encourages children to feel comfortable expressing their emotions, knowing that they will be met with understanding rather than criticism.

Agreeableness also plays a crucial role in conflict resolution. When disagreements arise, parents are supportive while maintaining clear rules and discipline, guiding their children and respecting their emotions without being overly permissive or a "pushover."

This contrasts with more aggressive or confrontational approaches that can escalate conflicts and damage parent-child relationships. By modeling peaceful and empathetic conflict resolution, these parents teach their children how to manage disagreements healthily. Such parents also tend to be more patient and forgiving, which helps sustain strong emotional bonds with their children.

"Parents who have low levels of agreeableness self-report more erratic, harsh and over-reactive (e.g., screaming or yelling) practices and are behaviorally more unresponsive, passive and withdrawn," the researchers explain, highlighting why such individuals have more parent-child conflicts.

Children learn to mirror the behaviors they observe in their parents, and when they see their parents approaching the world with kindness and empathy, they are more likely to adopt these traits themselves.

By embodying the traits of conscientiousness and agreeableness, parents set the stage for children to navigate their own emotions and relationships with confidence. Such parents also tend to enjoy deeper, more fulfilling connections with their children. Their emotional intelligence becomes a lifelong gift, enriching their own lives and positively shaping the lives of those they love.

Wondering how high your emotional quotient is? Take this test for a science-backed answer: Emotional Quotient Inventory

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.