Are You A Lone Wolf? Here's How To Tell If You Have An Aptitude For Solitude

Sometimes, your own company can be the best company. However, it takes a special kind of personality to master the 'lone-wolf effect.'

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 01, 2024

Being a lone wolf isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some individuals enjoy the experience of "positive solitude," which represents the distinction between choosing to be alone and feeling lonely. This type of solitude is conducive to personal growth and well-being.

In practicing positive solitude, individuals often engage in activities that promote self-awareness, creativity and inner peace, such as meditation, journaling, pursuing hobbies or simply enjoying quiet contemplation.

A 2023 study found that it takes certain personality traits and a unique mindset to fall in love with spending time alone.

Here are three signs that you can turn solitude into an enjoyable experience, according to the 2023 study.

1. You Have A 'Solitude-Friendly' Personality

Researchers found that early childhood and developmental experiences could make a person more likely to enjoy solitude, especially if they were exposed to its benefits at a young age. For instance, one participant recalls having always felt this way—"When I was growing up I had to keep myself entertained. So, that's probably why I find my free time so enjoyable," they explain.

For many, solitude becomes a natural, positive and necessary part of their lives, while still enjoying social interaction with others.

Individuals who enjoy time alone also share the following personality traits, which help them have meaningful solitary experiences.

Introversion. Participants in the study reported using solitude as an opportunity to recharge and recover from social situations that demanded a lot of time, effort or energy.
Independence. Many participants considered enjoying solitude as essential to their inner confidence or learned independence, qualities they felt had made them resilient to challenging experiences.
Self-reflection. Participants also attributed seeking positive solitude to the ability to self-reflect and address important thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, memories or dilemmas rather than trying to avoid them by limiting alone time.
Optimism. Many solitude-seekers emphasize the importance of a positive outlook on life and taking responsibility for creating joy in their own lives. Such individuals learn to have positive expectations for solitary experiences.
Adaptability. Individuals who learn to accept change as a natural part of life are able to accept moments of solitude even if they are not willingly chosen at first. They understand that sometimes one has to adjust and work through the discomfort of being alone, as it is an inevitable but often temporary state of being.

2. You View Solitude As A Gift

Researchers found that lone wolves have a mindset that values the benefits of solitude and its potential for self-expansion. They view it as a state of infinite, inherently rewarding possibilities.

Here are four aspects of the positive solitude mindset.

Solitude is a choice. Many participants viewed solitude as a deliberate, desirable choice, recognizing that regardless of how they ended up alone, embracing it enabled self-care and self-reflection. Some even considered it a luxury. Even if solitude wasn't initially chosen, this mindset shift highlights their personal agency and the ability to make the most of their time, leading to a positive solitary experience.
Solitude is freedom. Lone wolves often perceive time alone as offering autonomy and freedom. Solitude is viewed as an opportunity to independently structure one's time and do as one wishes, without external commitments defining their time. It is a chance to be curious and playful, explore interests and creative pursuits and let one's imagination run wild.
Solitude encourages authenticity. Lone wolves also view time alone as an opportunity for self-connection, where they learn more about their own perspectives, needs and priorities. "Participants described seeking solitude to tap into their real, authentic selves and to become more self-aware. They sought solitude because time alone—free from outside influences—gave them space to grow into better versions of themselves," the researchers explain.
Solitude provides purpose. Many individuals find purpose in their solitude, utilizing it to achieve personal goals such as finding peace, rejuvenation, balance and confidence in their daily lives.

3. You Navigate Loneliness With Grace

Researchers found that individuals who embrace solitude respond healthily to the discomfort that accompanies it. When they are walking the tightrope between feeling lonely and choosing solitude, they are able to regulate the negative emotions they experience using the following coping strategies:

Understanding solitude. When time alone brings up difficult emotions, lone wolves understand that it is not solitude itself that is negative, but their current emotional state. They recognize that solitude could instead be used as a tool to temporarily distract themselves or process these emotions.
Finding self-compassion. Without external distractions, lone wolves use alone time to check in with themselves. If self-critical thoughts or negative ruminations about loneliness surface, it becomes an important reminder to treat themselves more kindly.
Focusing on the present. Solitude-seekers may also prioritize being mindful in their everyday lives and focusing on the present moment. This helps them enjoy time alone, become fully attuned to their inner world and their external experiences and disengage from unhelpful patterns of thinking.

The traits of a lone-wolf can serve as a blueprint for understanding the true essence of solitude and reaping its benefits. While social connections are essential to our well-being, a connection with ourselves is also paramount. It is also vital to remember the difference between positive solitude and self-isolation, as the latter is a harmful coping mechanism. Instead, cultivating solitude-seeking characteristics and important mindset shifts can allow us to turn time alone into a deeply fulfilling and meaningful experience.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.