5 Signs Your Friendship Will Survive Long-Distance

Does your friendship have what it takes to survive the tests of long-distance? Here's five ways to tell.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | November 28, 2024

Friendships are among our most valuable connections—they ground us, offer support and bring joy into our lives. Yet, maintaining these bonds across distances can sometimes feel like an uphill battle.

Long-distance friendships require effort and creativity to thrive, especially when miles separate you and life's responsibilities pile up. While physical distance is the most obvious barrier, it often brings with it a more subtle but equally challenging obstacle—psychological distance.

Psychological distance is the emotional gap that can form when regular, organic interactions become less frequent and more intentional. Instead of chatting in person, you're sending texts or making video calls.

Spontaneous meetups turn into scheduled catch-ups. It becomes harder to share life's little details—the funny moments at work, the random thoughts that naturally arise when you're in the same room. Over time, this can make it feel like you're drifting apart, even if your bond remains as strong as ever.

But the good news is that while psychological distance may be challenging, it can be bridged. Here are five factors contributing to this invisible gap, along with steps to close it.

1. Inconsistent Communication

When friends can no longer meet in person regularly, inconsistent communication can create a sense of emotional detachment. If you're not hearing from someone frequently or if your conversations feel sporadic, it can make you feel out of sync with each other.

To combat the psychological distance caused by irregular communication, establish a routine for checking in. Whether it's weekly calls, bi-weekly video chats or a shared text thread, setting regular times to connect helps create predictability and emotional presence. This intentional effort to stay in touch ensures that your relationship remains woven into your daily life.

Research highlights how people often fail to realize the positive impact their efforts to connect have on others. In a series of pre-registered experiments, it was found that individuals typically misjudge how much their outreach is appreciated, especially since the recipients (responders) focus more on their surprise at being contacted than the initiators do. This sense of surprise is linked to greater appreciation. The study also reveals that outreach is more appreciated when it occurs in surprising contexts or between people with more social distance.

Use reminders, shared calendars or even apps that prompt both of you to stay consistent with these check-ins, making it easier to stay connected despite physical distance.

2. Diverging Life Phases And Priorities

As we grow older and take on new roles—whether through a new job, a significant relationship or other life changes—our priorities and unscheduled time often shift. This natural evolution can sometimes create emotional distance, especially when one person's life phase no longer aligns with the other's.

To maintain closeness despite diverging life phases, take an active interest in each other's changes. Acknowledge the new priorities each person is managing and communicate openly about how these shifts impact the friendship. By being curious about each other's journeys and sharing your new experiences, you can find fresh common ground and deepen your connection.

Consider establishing a "life update" tradition. Set aside time during your calls to share the latest milestones, challenges and reflections from both of your lives. This encourages emotional closeness and a sense of shared growth.

3. Time Zone And Scheduling Conflicts

One of the biggest practical challenges in maintaining a long-distance friendship is navigating different time zones or conflicting schedules. This often makes spontaneous or frequent interactions—like a quick text or casual phone call—more difficult to initiate, which can lead to a sense of disconnection.

To manage time zone differences, establish a consistent time for virtual catch-ups that works for both of you, even if it's not spontaneous. You can also get creative with asynchronous communication, such as sending voice memos or video messages that can be listened to at a convenient time. This ensures that, even if you can't talk in real time, the conversation still happens. Ultimately, the key is staying in touch and keeping each other updated.

A study found that reciprocity—particularly returning calls—is the primary factor in determining whether relationships persist over time. To make this easier, you can use apps or services that allow for scheduled messages or automated reminders to help maintain regular contact.

4. Emotional Disconnect And Limited Vulnerability

When physical distance separates you from someone, conversations can often slip into surface-level updates, leaving emotional connection strained. Without the regular, in-person exchanges that naturally foster closeness, this pattern can lead to a growing sense of disconnection.

To combat this emotional distance, prioritize vulnerability. Go beyond sharing events—open up about your feelings, challenges, and deeper thoughts. Encourage your friend to do the same by asking not just what they've been doing, but how they're really feeling.

A 2021 study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, on generalized shared reality—the sense of sharing inner states (thoughts, feelings and beliefs) about the external world—reveals that relationships thrive when both individuals experience this shared perspective. People with a strong baseline of shared reality engage in motivated behaviors to reinforce their connection, especially when faced with challenges, deepening their interpersonal bond.

Living in different locations offers a unique opportunity to reflect on how your worldview has changed based on your new experiences. Take advantage of this shift by sharing how your life in a new environment has reshaped your thoughts and beliefs. This can deepen the connection and bring fresh insights into your conversations.

5. Feeling Of 'Missing Out'

When distance separates you from a close friend, it's natural to feel like you're missing out on their everyday life. This sense of exclusion can spark feelings of guilt or frustration, especially when your friend experiences significant life moments without your immediate involvement. Over time, this can lead to psychological distance, making it feel like you're no longer a part of their world.

Rather than succumbing to FOMO (fear of missing out), focus on staying actively engaged in the friendship. Make an effort to stay updated on your friend's milestones by asking thoughtful, detailed questions about their life. If you're feeling left out, express it in an understanding way—"I've been thinking about you, I miss you and I'd love to be more a part of what's going on in your life." This open communication can help bridge the emotional gap.

A 2010 study on "capitalization" shows that sharing positive events with others, and receiving active, constructive responses, can strengthen relationships and boost both personal well-being and connection. When a listener responds with genuine enthusiasm and support, it increases positive emotions, self-esteem and relationship satisfaction. It highlights the role of supportive partners, not only in tough times but also in moments of joy, as a crucial component of personal growth and relationship stability.

To further maintain emotional closeness, consider sending small, thoughtful gestures, like a handwritten letter or a surprise package. These simple acts of kindness serve as reminders of your deep connection and show that you're thinking of them, despite the physical distance.

In essence, by identifying the factors that create distance and learning how to bridge them, you can keep your connection alive—and even strengthen it over time. Long-distance friendships take intention and patience, but with the right approach, they can thrive despite the distance.

The need for being authentic grows manifold in a long-distance friendship. Take the Authenticity In Relationships Scale to know if the distance between you and friend is purely physical or something more.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.