2 Ways A Partner Can Ease Your 'Appearance Anxiety'

Do you feel most attractive when you're around your partner? Here's how to tell if they're adept at easing your 'appearance anxiety.'

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | November 25, 2024

Close relationships can have a tremendous impact on the way we view ourselves. A single negative comment can stay with you for years, making you question your self-worth. Positive influences can also transform such long-held narratives into deeper self-love.

While it is essential to engage in positive self-talk for your own well-being, a little support can go a long way. A study published in Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice this September found that romantic partners can play a pivotal role in alleviating appearance-related anxiety, which is a risk factor for body dysmorphia.

"Appearance anxiety refers to excessive levels of anxiety around an individual's whole appearance, preoccupation with perceived flaws and behaviors such as checking and camouflaging aspects of appearance," the researchers explain.

Here are two signs that your partner helps with your appearance anxiety, according to the study.

1. They Offer Consistent Positive Affirmation

Many participants explained that their partner helped them with their appearance anxiety through positive comments. A single compliment might feel fleeting, but a consistent stream of positive comments can fundamentally shift the way you view yourself.

While some initially found it difficult to accept compliments, hearing them regularly began to create what one participant described as "a bank of positive comments." Over time, these affirmations started to challenge the participants' negative core beliefs about their appearance, acting as evidence that they were not true.

Julia, a participant from the study, describes how her partner "tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me for how I am naturally. He makes me feel comfortable not having to wear makeup, not having to get dressed up. I can just be in my pajamas, and he is still lovely and wonderful to me."

As a result of such support, participants reported feeling more confident, happy, relieved and even being able to eat more.

Interestingly, compliments about personality traits—such as kindness, intelligence or humor—had an even stronger impact on reducing appearance anxiety. Unlike appearance-focused affirmations, which can sometimes feel at odds with deeply ingrained insecurities, personality-based compliments align more closely with existing positive self-beliefs, making them easier to internalize.

When a partner shifts the focus away from physical appearance and reminds you of qualities that truly define you, it can subtly redirect your attention from perceived flaws to strengths you likely already value in yourself. This opens you up to more positive beliefs about yourself in the long run, alleviating appearance anxiety.

2. They Actively Fight Your Anxiety With You

Many participants described how their partners actively help them navigate appearance-related anxieties. This involves engaging in open conversations, challenging negative thought patterns and encouraging healthier behaviors.

One of the key ways partners helped was by providing a safe space for participants to share their insecurities. Partners who listened without judgment and offered patient, empathetic responses made it easier for participants to express their concerns and begin addressing them.

Some partners took it a step further by helping participants reframe their thoughts. A partner who lovingly questions your insecurities isn't dismissing your feelings—they're helping you see the broader picture and empowering you to break free from harmful thought patterns.

One participant, Julia, describes how her partner has "given me that distance to my thoughts and enabled me to become stronger emotionally and to recognize that what is in my head isn't necessarily true or right."

Supportive partners also know when not to enable unhealthy behaviors, as they only feed into the cycle of anxious thoughts about one's appearance.

"When we're in shopping malls everything's reflective, and he'll see me looking behind him and he'll just get in the way of my eyesight or he'd be like, are you sure you want to do that? It kind of makes you think—you're right, I'm enjoying myself right now. What if I go look in the mirror and I don't like what I see and then it ruins the whole experience?" says Emma, a participant who feels comforted by her partner's attempts to curb her appearance-checking behavior.

While a partner's support can be transformative, cultivating a healthy self-image ultimately starts from within. If you recognize these signs in your relationship, their role in helping you navigate insecurities is a testament to their care and investment in your well-being.

At the same time, if you're supporting a partner with appearance anxiety, know that your patience, understanding and consistent kindness can have a ripple effect far beyond what you may realize.

A truly supportive relationship acts as a mirror, reflecting not just your external beauty but the inner beauty you may not always see in yourself. When your partner affirms these qualities, they remind you that you are more than your perceived flaws—you are a multifaceted person worthy of love and acceptance, no matter what.

Is a preoccupation with your appearance causing you distress? Take this test to learn more: Body Image Questionnaire

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.