4 Influences Our Personalities Have On Our Sex Life

It may take two to tango, but our individual personalities still play an undeniably large role in the bedroom. Here's how.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 21, 2024

When we think about what shapes our sex lives, personality isn't always the first thing that comes to mind. Usually, we tend to focus on attraction, communication or physical chemistry.

However, according to psychological research, your personality traits may have more influence in the bedroom than you realize.

Psychologists often describe personality in terms of the Big Five traits: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. These traits are known to shape how we interact with the world around us, including our relationships. According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, some of these traits can also affect our sexual satisfaction, desires and even the frequency of sex.

Here's how your personality may be influencing your sex life in ways you may not expect.

1. Wives' Agreeableness Predicted a Greater Likelihood of Sex

In a study of over 200 couples, married couples including women who scored high in agreeableness were more likely to engage in sex. Interestingly, the same link wasn't found with men's agreeableness. As the study explains, "Whereas none of husbands' personality traits were related to the probability that couples engaged in sex, wives' agreeableness and openness were positively associated with the probability that couples engaged in sex over the course of a two-week diary."

This isn't entirely shocking. Agreeable people tend to be more cooperative, empathetic and focused on maintaining harmony in their relationships. This inclination toward emotional connection may make these women more receptive to intimacy.

It's worth noting that openness to experience also played a role, which may prompt a sense of curiosity and willingness to explore new experiences in the bedroom—and, consequently, a higher likelihood of sexual engagement. This suggests that when a woman feels emotionally attuned to her partner and open to novel experiences, it may naturally give rise to a more active sex life.

As the authors note, women are often regarded as the "gatekeepers" of sex—with their desire and willingness playing a significant role in how often a couple engages in sexual activity. Women who are more agreeable may be more attuned to their partner's needs and more likely to prioritize intimacy, thus making sex a more regular part of the relationship. If you're someone who scores high in agreeableness, you may find that your desire for closeness—or tendency to put your partner's needs above your own—enhances your interest in sex.

2. Husbands' And Wives' Neuroticism Predicted Lower Individual Satisfaction With Sex

Neuroticism—defined by emotional instability and a tendency toward anxiety, worry or mood swings—has long been associated with challenges in relationships. This study found that individuals high in neuroticism, both men and women, tended to report lower overall sexual satisfaction.

For those with high neuroticism, the emotional volatility that accompanies this trait may lead to feelings of insecurity or self-doubt during what should be an intimate moment. Anxiety about performance, body image or the relationship itself can take the focus away from enjoyment and instead create stress. This tension can make it difficult to relax and be present during sex—which, in turn, may diminish sexual satisfaction.

Since neurotic individuals are more prone to experiencing ranges of negative emotions—such as worry, frustration and pessimism—it's not abnormal for these feelings to bleed into their sex lives. These emotions can easily leave you feeling disconnected from your partner or even from your own body, making sexual satisfaction harder to achieve. If you often find yourself feeling anxious or emotionally overwhelmed, you might notice how these feelings impact your ability to enjoy sex.

3. Husbands' Openness Predicted Lower Individual Satisfaction With Sex

One curious finding from the study was that husbands who scored high in openness reported lower satisfaction with their sex lives. This might seem counterintuitive at first, as openness is typically associated with curiosity, imagination and a love for new experiences. However, this desire for novelty could also be the very root of dissatisfaction.

Men high in openness may crave variety or creative exploration in all aspects of life—including their sex lives. If their sexual experiences feel repetitive or lacking in novelty, they may feel unfulfilled. This doesn't necessarily mean they're dissatisfied with their partner, but rather that their expectations for what exactly makes sex exciting and fulfilling might be higher. Without enough variety or spontaneity, they might feel as though something is missing.

This speaks to the dynamic relationship between expectations and satisfaction. When someone has a high level of openness, they may need more lively and evolving sexual experiences to feel truly satisfied. If you or your partner score high in openness, you might notice an urge to "spice things up" in the bedroom.

4. Partner Personality Was Unrelated To Individual Satisfaction With Sex

One of the most striking findings from the study was that, despite the influence of personality traits on sexual frequency and desire, the personality of your partner doesn't necessarily impact your individual satisfaction with sex. In other words, while your partner's behaviors and attitudes can definitely shape the dynamics of the relationship, your own sexual fulfillment is largely independent of their personality.

This highlights a crucial point: sexual satisfaction is entirely personal. It's not so much about what your partner brings to the table, but more so about how you feel about your own experiences. Your perceptions, expectations and emotional state play a much bigger role in your fulfillment than your partner's personality traits do.

This encourages a sense of personal responsibility when it comes to sexual satisfaction. Of course, communication and responsiveness are essential for a healthy sex life—but it's just as important to recognize that much of your experience is shaped by your own mindset and emotional state.

How do you feel about your own role in your sexual satisfaction? Are there areas where you could shift your focus or approach to enhance your own fulfillment? Taking ownership of your desires and experiences may beget a more pleasurable sex life—for both yourself and your partner.

Wondering how your personality is influencing your sex life? Take this science-backed test, and see how you compare to others: Sexual Satisfaction Index

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.