3 Ways Relationships Can Fall Into A 'Negative Emotional Cycle'

For better or for worse, partners often mirror each other's emotions. Here's how it happens for the worse.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 21, 2024

Emotional mirroring is the act of reflecting another person's emotions, often without conscious awareness. This can manifest in various forms, such as adopting similar emotional responses, mimicking body language or even experiencing mirrored emotions.

While emotional mirroring can enhance relationships, it can also subtly affect relational dynamics in less obvious ways.

At its core, emotional mirroring arises from our innate desire for connection and understanding. It can create a sense of harmony and validation, making interactions feel smoother and more cohesive. For example, if one partner feels anxious, the other might unconsciously adopt a similar anxious demeanor, creating a shared emotional experience.

Although this mirroring can promote empathy and bonding, it may also reinforce emotional patterns that are not always beneficial. To better understand how emotional mirroring impacts relationship dynamics, consider these three effects.

1. Reinforcing Negative Cycles

One of the most insidious effects of emotional mirroring is the reinforcement of negative emotional cycles. When partners reflect each other's stress or frustration, they unintentionally amplify these feelings, creating a cycle of heightened tension.

For instance, if one partner is consistently stressed due to work pressures, the other may begin to mirror that stress, leading both partners to feed off each other's negative emotions. This can intensify feelings of frustration and anxiety, making it even harder to break free from these entrenched patterns.

This continuous feedback loop not only fuels unresolved conflicts but also reinforces each partner's negative emotions. Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2020 supports this, showing that emotional flooding is linked to both partners' experiencing and displaying anger. Unsurprisingly, couples who experience higher levels of flooding struggle more to resolve conflicts effectively.

2. Impaired Emotional Authenticity

Emotional mirroring can also blur the lines between authentic emotional expression and reactive responses. When partners are caught in a pattern of mirroring each other's emotions, they may start to lose touch with their own true feelings and needs. Instead of expressing their genuine concerns or desires, individuals may focus more on maintaining emotional parity with their partner.

For example, if one partner is trying to appear excited in response to the other's excitement over a plan they're not completely on board with, they might suppress their own reluctance rather than addressing it openly.

This superficial dynamic can erode trust and intimacy over time, creating a facade of emotional harmony while masking underlying issues. Research explains that the cost of such emotional suppression can include reduced social support, less closeness with others and lower social satisfaction.

To address the negative impact of emotional mirroring and cultivate genuine emotional connections, consider implementing the following strategies:

Self-reflection. Engage in journaling or therapy to reconnect with your authentic emotions.
Foster open dialogue. Create a safe space for honest communication, focusing on expressing true feelings rather than reacting to your partner's emotions.
Encourage emotional independence. Pursue personal hobbies or solo activities to maintain individuality.
Emotion journaling. Privately track and share feelings to promote transparency and develop a deeper understanding of each other's emotional experiences.

3. Emotional Contagion

Recent research defines emotional contagion as the phenomenon where a person experiences an emotional response that mirrors the intensity and nature of the emotions expressed by someone else. While this phenomenon can enhance empathy and strengthen connections, it also has the potential to spread negative emotions unintentionally.

For instance, when one partner experiences distress, frustration or sadness, these emotions can be transferred to the other partner through mirroring.

A 2022 study highlights that while mirroring others' emotions can have its benefits, unregulated emotional contagion can lead to excessive reactions. This can result in personal distress, where individuals start to experience others' negative emotions as if they were their own.

To manage emotional contagion effectively, consider implementing the following strategies:

Cultivate emotional awareness. Encourage each partner to recognize their emotional state and understand its impact on the other.
Implement emotional "firebreaks." Take breaks during heated moments or use relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, to pause and reset.
Encourage positive emotional sharing. Focus on sharing joyful and grateful experiences to foster a more balanced emotional dynamic.
Create a feelings jar. Write down uplifting thoughts and draw from it during challenging times to help shift the emotional tone and promote positivity.

Being aware of emotional mirroring is easy for the emotionally intelligent. Take this science-backed test to know where you stand: Emotional Quotient Inventory

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.