3 Ways To Master 'Strong Vulnerability' For A Perfect Dating Life

Research shows that 'strong vulnerability' is the key to being not too clingy, but not too aloof in your dating endeavors.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 08, 2024

Dating presents a delicate tightrope walk—how to show enthusiasm without appearing overly dependent. We've all been there—the exhilarating first date, the electric connection and the overwhelming desire to express just how much we enjoyed the experience. But, too much enthusiasm too soon can be perceived as a turn-off, leading us to adopt a facade of indifference to protect ourselves from potential rejection.

But why are we discouraged from expressing our genuine feelings? The answer lies in the fear of being seen as overly dependent or needy. High levels of enthusiasm are often associated with weakness, desperation and the inability to cope with life's challenges without constant support.

This is where the concept of "strong vulnerability" comes into play. A person who embodies strong vulnerability acts as an emotional diplomat. They can reveal their desire for someone while simultaneously conveying that they could handle rejection and find other connections. They express their intense feelings without appearing desperate or needy, maintaining both honesty and a sense of independence and self-assurance.

Because vulnerability is all about expressing your emotions authentically, here are three ways you can cultivate it.

1. Creative Expression

Creative expression can take many forms, from writing poetry to painting, dancing or playing a musical instrument. Each of these activities offers a unique way to explore and express emotions. For example, writing poetry can provide a structured outlet for processing complex emotions, while painting or drawing can offer a more visual representation of feelings. Dancing and playing music can be particularly powerful forms of creative expression, as they engage both the body and the mind, allowing individuals to physically embody their emotions.

A study exploring how creative expression, music in this case, explains why people feel closer to each other. It suggests two reasons for this:

• When people move together to music, they feel more connected
• When they move to music, their bodies release chemicals that make them feel good

The study says that both of these reasons are important for why music helps people feel closer.

Creative expression can thus be a valuable tool for exploring and expressing emotions in a way that feels genuine and meaningful.

2. Embodied Vulnerability

Embodied vulnerability is a practice that involves expressing emotions through physical movement. This can include activities like yoga, tai chi or other forms of mindful movement.

A study explains that body-oriented psychotherapy can deepen therapeutic processes in the following ways:

• Coming into the present moment
• Accessing the body's unconscious knowing to help individuals tap into their body's wisdom and intuition
• Regulating affect and facilitating working through difficult emotions
• Enhancing interpersonal connection by instilling a sense of trust and safety

The study also suggests that body-oriented psychotherapy may be particularly effective in group settings due to its ability to engage the body's natural healing mechanisms and promote interpersonal connection.

In essence, embodied vulnerability allows individuals to express their emotions in a way that feels natural and authentic, without the need for words. This can be particularly helpful for those who struggle to express their emotions verbally, as it provides an alternative way to communicate feelings. Additionally, practicing embodied vulnerability can help individuals develop a stronger connection between their mind and body, leading to a greater sense of alignment.

3. Modeling Vulnerability

Demonstrating vulnerability can be a powerful way to encourage others to reciprocate. Creating a safe space and being open about your own vulnerabilities can help your partner feel comfortable sharing their emotions. Reassuring your partner that you won't betray their trust can ease their fears about being vulnerable. This can help them see you as a safe person to confide in.

Modeling vulnerability can also deepen connections and understanding in relationships. Emotionally resonant experiences have been found to help people become more attuned to emotions, develop a sense of identity with the person being vulnerable and understand the need for self-preservation to retain empathy for others.

Alternatively, you can learn from people who express vulnerability in a healthy manner. Seek out role models, mentors or individuals who demonstrate strong vulnerability. Pay attention to how they express their emotions, set boundaries and communicate their needs. By modeling their behavior, you can learn valuable skills for expressing your own vulnerabilities effectively.

Test the degree to which you approach your close relationships with authenticity by taking the evidence-based Authenticity In Relationships Scale.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.