3 Tricks For Overcoming Your Mixed Emotions About Others

Experiencing conflict between your feelings in relationships can be frustrating. Here's how to conquer the conflict.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 28, 2024

Mixed emotions are a common occurrence in relationships and often leave you feeling emotionally drained and overwhelmed. Relationships, whether romantic, familial or platonic, are complex and dynamic and it's entirely normal to experience a wide range of emotions simultaneously. These mixed emotions can include feelings of love and frustration, joy and sorrow or affection and anger. A study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies indicates that experiencing mixed emotions in daily life can be taxing for our mental and emotional well-being.

Here are three factors that make mixed emotions draining:

1. Cognitive dissonance. This psychological phenomenon occurs when our thoughts and feelings about a person or situation are conflicting. For instance, you might deeply care for your partner but find certain habits of theirs irksome. This conflict can lead to mental stress and discomfort.
2. Emotional turbulence. The constant push-and-pull of contrasting emotions can create an emotional storm within us. This emotional turbulence can strain your mind as it works to process and manage these emotions, resulting in symptoms such as stress, anxiety and physical issues like headaches or fatigue.
3. Difficulty in decision-making. Mixed emotions can often muddy the waters of decision-making. Internal conflict can cloud our judgment and lead to indecisiveness, adding another layer to our emotional exhaustion. This can impact our relationships and daily life, leaving us feeling trapped and overwhelmed.

Here are three ways to recharge when we find ourselves exhausted by mixed emotions.

1. Plug The Emotional Leak

The first step is reclaiming captaincy of the ship that is your mind—finding and fixing emotional drains to stay afloat in the rough seas of mixed emotions. It involves:

• Identifying and limiting exposure to depleting stimuli. Set boundaries and make conscious choices to avoid unnecessary conflicts, discussions or situations that lead to emotional exhaustion. This doesn't mean avoiding all challenges or conflicts, but rather discerning which battles are worth engaging in and which can be minimized.
• Seeking clarity and control. Advocate for yourself in situations where you lack information or control. For example, in a long-term relationship, if uncertainty about the future is distressing, openly discuss concerns with your partner. Initiate a respectful conversation to gain insights into their expectations. This clarity reduces emotional exhaustion and empowers informed decisions.

2. Preserve Your Emotional Energy

Preserving emotional energy entails using your wisdom to discern which situations demand your resources and patience and which don't. Once you find yourself in a sticky situation that paralyzes you due to conflicting emotions, employ the following techniques:

• Reappraise to regulate emotions. Practice emotion regulation through cognitive reappraisal, a highly effective strategy according to research. Make it a habit to reframe stressful situations like disagreements before reacting impulsively. Pause, reflect and respond positively to conserve emotional energy and initiate constructive conversations, such as by saying, "Let's use this opportunity to understand each other better and work through it together."
• Connect to core values. Staying true to your core values is vital during difficult situations. For instance, if asked to compromise on your value of honesty—by telling a white lie to avoid conflict with friends—adhering to your core values would mean speaking up against the discomfort. Say, "I value honesty in our relationship. Let's address this matter honestly without unnecessary conflict." This preserves both your emotional energy and authenticity in the relationship.

3. Refill The Emotional Tank

Think of this step as filling your emotional cup. It's like taking a refreshing drink from a clear mountain stream. Here are three steps to help you get started:

• Renew your connections. Friends can provide a much-needed sense of connection and reassurance. According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, turning to friends and family during a time of conflict enhances a sense of security and connection which can help you process your emotions. The act of reaching out and engaging with your social support network can be a significant emotional booster.
• Engage in non-routine activities. Engaging in activities such as exercise, social interactions or hobbies provides a break from the monotony of everyday life and work. These activities allow you to detach from stressful situations, giving your mind a chance to reset. Additionally, non-routine activities can provide a sense of control and mastery. Focusing on these areas can boost your self-esteem and confidence, contributing to a more positive emotional state.
• Practicing mindfulness. Incorporate mindfulness practices into your routine, such as meditation, gratitude exercises or focusing on silver linings. These practices help you become more attuned to your emotions without judgment. Research has shown that these practices can reduce emotional exhaustion and enhance resilience, making it easier to cope with challenging situations.

Navigating the emotional landscape of relationships can often feel like a roller coaster ride, with peaks of joy and dips of frustration. Adopting these practices can significantly increase your resilience and resistance to emotional exhaustion. There is also no shame or weakness in seeking support from a therapist or counselor, especially in scenarios where you feel too conflicted to make decisions.

Conflicting emotions often arise from inauthentic behavior. Take the Authenticity In Relationships Scale to gauge the level of authenticity you bring to your close relationships.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.