3 Tell-Tale Signs You're Suffering From 'Golden Child Syndrome'

The 'golden children' were revered as gifted kids who were sure to go far. But in adulthood, this can be more than a curse than a blessing.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 12, 2025

We hear about them everywhere—they often make the perfect movie villain and fuel countless scathing Reddit threads. The "golden child" is often the contrasting figure to the family's black sheep. They are usually their parents' ultimate pride and joy, and the shining standard everyone else is expected to measure up to.

While this might sound like a formula for the perfect childhood, believe it or not, the golden child suffers too. Just like the black sheep of the family, they have no say in the label they are given and, in many cases, feel pressured to live up to the extremely high expectations placed on them.

Despite the popular myths, golden children do not always get everything handed to them on a silver platter. The world can still be a cruel place for these children, who are often taught to keep up appearances to earn love.

Here are three signs that you may have golden child syndrome, according to research.

1. You Have A Strained Relationship With Your Siblings

Growing up as the golden child can create unspoken tensions with your siblings. You might have been unaware of the favoritism at the time, but your siblings likely felt its weight—leading to feelings of resentment and rivalry. This dynamic isn't always rooted in anything you actively did; it often stems from how your parents positioned you within the family structure.

Research published in The Family Journal shows that children can be pushed into various roles in their families, such as the hero, scapegoat, lost child, mascot, caretaker and mastermind as a result of family dysfunction.

As an adult, you might notice that connecting with your siblings feels awkward or complicated. Perhaps they view you as the "favorite," while you secretly carry the burden of never feeling good enough unless you meet impossible expectations.

These strained relationships aren't just about jealousy—they reflect the emotional gaps created when parental favoritism pits siblings against one another by celebrating one child and demonizing the other.

For instance, the family scapegoat often struggles with feelings of inadequacy, constantly comparing themselves to their "perfect" sibling, while the golden child can sometimes follow their parents' lead, blaming the scapegoat for the family's problems. This dynamic blinds both types of children to the truth—they are simply pawns in the family narrative.

Additionally, if your role in the family was to maintain a flawless image, you might have distanced yourself emotionally, fearing that showing weakness or aligning with a "less favored" sibling would disappoint your parents. As adults, this dynamic can persist, creating lifelong rifts.

2. You Feel Compelled To Please Others

Despite how society views them, being the golden child is also a survival mechanism. Most golden children quickly realize that they may fall victim to being the scapegoat's replacement if they are not the favorite.

While this may seem selfish, it's actually an act of self-preservation—most of us would go to great lengths to secure better treatment from our loved ones. This is especially true in environments we cannot easily escape, like our home environments.

The problem is that to retain this favor, golden children need to constantly please the parental figure who gave them the label—even to their own detriment. This often reinforces people-pleasing behavior that can last well into adulthood. These children are taught that the world will only accept them when they play into a certain narrative of what is acceptable and expected of them.

A 2024 study published in the International Journal of Society Reviews shows that lower levels of self-acceptance also play a role in people-pleasing behavior with one's parents.

These children likely realize that being the model child creates the least number of waves in what might already be a problematic family structure. However, constantly suppressing their feelings to please others can take a toll on mental health, leading to excessive anxiety and even depression.

3. You Have A Strong Fear Of Failure

Most parenting experts emphasize the importance of positive reinforcement in fostering a child's healthy self-esteem. However, too much of a good thing can backfire. Placing a child on a pedestal—especially when burdened with unrealistic expectations—can have the opposite effect, creating pressure rather than confidence.

Teaching your kids that they are not perfect and that they will fail in life is just as important as praising their achievements. Parents who view failure as something to be ashamed of set their children up for a fixed mindset, where they need to win at all costs. This is the opposite of a growth mindset that teaches children to be resilient when facing setbacks.

Being the gold standard in your household leaves little room for failure and, by extension, little room for growth. No child is perfect, but the golden child will begin to expect perfection for themselves because that is what is projected onto them. This mindset can leave them feeling devastated when life doesn't go as planned.

If you relate to these experiences—and, more importantly, to the label of the golden child—start by recognizing that none of this is your fault. You never asked to be placed on a pedestal, and the labels imposed on you are not your responsibility.

Additionally, if your relationships with siblings or other family members have suffered due to these dynamics, rebuilding them requires honesty, empathy and time. Recognizing the ways favoritism shaped your interactions can help you foster genuine connections based on a mutual understanding of each other's experiences.

Finally, breaking free from the golden child label starts with redefining your worth beyond achievements and external validation. You are more than just the role assigned to you in your family's story. As an adult, you have the power to step off that pedestal and define who you are on your own terms—with authenticity, self-compassion and a newfound sense of freedom.

Do you struggle with self-acceptance as the golden child in your family? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Unconditional Self-Acceptance Questionnaire

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.