3 Reasons Why 'Fake Orgasms' Are Such A Popular Tactic

Tired of needing to put up an act in the bedroom? Here's three reasons why 'fake orgasms' can be such a tricky habit to kick.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | December 20, 2024

Fake orgasms, believe it or not, are of great interest to psychological researchers—not just why individuals fake them, but also why some choose to stop faking them.

According to an October 2024 study from The Journal of Sex Research, fake orgasms aren't particularly common. Specifically, 51% of the study's sample—11,541 individuals across Europe—claimed to have never faked an orgasm. On the other hand, only 13% of the sample admitted to currently faking orgasms in their sex life. Fascinatingly, however, 28% of the study's sample admitted to having previously faked orgasms, but had since kicked the habit.

Based on existing research, here's three reasons why some individuals feel the need to put on an act in the bedroom—and, based on the abovementioned study, how to drop the act.

1. To Make Their Partner (And Themselves) Feel Better

Gone are the days where sex, and the enjoyment thereof, was a taboo topic. Today, in the modern age, views and beliefs regarding it are much different—sex is for anyone, and sex is for pleasure. However, it is nevertheless a collaborative act; both people work together, giving and taking, to ensure one another's enjoyment.

As a 2008 study from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy explains, "There is considerable emphasis on sexuality and especially on orgasmic responsiveness in the popular press." They continue, "In other words, societal expectations currently exist which conclude that merely being in love and engaging in sexual intercourse is not good enough—you must also be a 'good lover.'"

This mounting pressure to be a "good lover," combined with the idea that sex is only "successful" if both partners reach orgasm, can put a lot of pressure on everyone involved. In turn, this pressure is permanently internalized—by both men and women. As the researchers explain, this results in feeling as though the purpose of sex is "to provide adequate stimulation and then to respond sexually as if they are being graded on some invisible scorecard."

In other words, a lack of orgasm, in many ways, is much scarier than faking one—given the proverbial "scorecard" that forces us to believe that orgasms are the sole purpose (and evaluation factor) of sex. In all, faking an orgasm in this context is simply a means to make both partners involved feel better, or to ensure that they both "passed"—regardless of whether or not the sex itself was satisfactory for either of them.

2. Because They Want The Sex To End

Many individuals are under the impression that an orgasm is an important milestone during sex, and this is for a few reasons. Not only do we consider an orgasm to be the one and only signal as to whether someone is enjoying sex, it also signals "the end" of a sexual encounter. This, unsurprisingly, likely also stems from the idea that orgasms are the end goal for sex. Once one (or both) achieves climax, there's little reason to continue; you've both achieved what you set out to do.

In turn, fake orgasms can be used as an out during sex. As a 2021 study from Evolutionary Psychology explains, one of the main reasons why individuals choose to fake an orgasm is due to the other partner's poor sexual performance. Thus, if one partner is no longer enjoying themselves, or if the ordeal is lasting longer than necessary, faking an orgasm is an effective way to end the encounter—since, whether the orgasm is real or not, it signals a tidy conclusion.

3. To Seem Consistent

Despite how consistent your sex life may be, you can never count on your body being consistent. You may know very well what turns you on, or what specific sexual actions you need to reach an orgasm, but there's still a chance that you won't reach it. This is because, contrary to intuition, orgasms aren't just a sexual outcome; they're the product of various factors that operate in tandem.

As a 2016 study from the journal Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology explains, orgasms are largely—and most especially for women—contingent on emotional and relational factors, not just physical ones. That is, your individual stress and comfort levels, as well as your partners', contribute greatly to orgasms. This means that even when your partner is doing everything right physically, there's still a chance that an orgasm isn't in the cards for you.

However, the more sex that two partners have, the more accustomed they become to one another in the bedroom; they learn what they like, dislike, what contributes to their orgasms, and what their orgasms look like. Over time, as confirmed in a 2022 study from The Journal of Sex Research notes, this means that partners develop certain "expectations" regarding sex.

In turn, when one partner senses that they're at a point where they'd usually reach climax, but—for whatever reason—they're unable to, they might opt for a fake orgasm. In these cases, a fake orgasm is an impression management tactic used to avoid unmet expectations—in the hopes of making both partners feel more comfortable, or to avoid disrupting their usual "routine." Even if they're still enjoying themself, feigning an orgasm during times where one is expected ensures consistency across sexual encounters

How To Kick The Habit Of 'Faking Orgasms'

If you tend to fake orgasms, then you may already know the vicious cycles that they can create—especially with long-term or consistent sexual partners. The more you fake them, and the better you become at faking them, the more accustomed your partner will become to them. In turn, you deny yourself the opportunity to reach a genuine orgasm; since your partner will be none the wiser to what actually works for you in the bedroom, faking it will lead them to think that they're already doing everything correctly.

As previously mentioned, 28% of The Journal of Sex Research's study sample had given up the habit of faking orgasms. In an interview with PsyPost, the lead author of the study, Silvia Pavan, explains, "We believe that when it comes to experiencing pleasure with a partner, having transparent communication with them is key." Based on her research, there are two specific factors that most strongly prompt individuals stop faking it in the bedroom—and, in turn, enjoy a more satisfying sex life:

• Becoming comfortable with not having an orgasm. The idea that good sex must always conclude with both partners reaching orgasm is unfounded. In reality, sex is a sacred, intimate bonding experience that—in most cases—shouldn't require an end goal. Rather, the "point" of sex is to share your love (or desire) physically with your partner; an orgasm isn't necessary to reach this goal. So long as you're both enjoying yourself, then there's nothing wrong with one (or neither) of you reaching climax. From this point of view, orgasms are a bonus on top of an already pleasurable experience.
• Improving sexual communication. Faking an orgasm isn't necessary if your partner is capable of helping you reach one—but pretending doesn't afford them this opportunity. In other words, you'll have to help them help you. By taking the time to clue your partner in regarding what is and isn't working for you in the bedroom, you allow them the chance to learn and pay more attention to your unique sexual needs and wants. For those who consider orgasms as a priority in the bedroom, this is the most effective way to make them more probable and frequent.

Do you consistently fake your orgasms? Take this science-backed test, and find out if there's room for improvement in your sex life: Sexual Satisfaction Index

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.