4 Things That Men And Women Envy Most About One Another

While we've made great strides towards gender equality, recent research reveals that there's still much left to desire for both of the sexes.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | December 16, 2024

Despite decades of progress toward gender equality, men and women continue to walk through a world shaped by deep-seated societal roles and expectations. Beyond influencing how we live and interact with one another, these norms also contribute to what we admire—or envy—about each other.

In light of this, a September 2024 study from Frontiers in Psychology aimed to explore the specific traits, experiences and privileges men and women envy most in the opposite sex.

Envy, despite often perceived as a negative emotion, can be surprisingly illuminating. It reflects what we value, desire or feel that we lack—shaped in many ways by our cultural norms and personal experiences.

Even as society works to dismantle traditional gender boundaries, men and women still envy certain freedoms, qualities or advantages associated with the other. These feelings accentuate the many ways in which progress has been made—as well as where challenges still remain.

Here's a breakdown of the study's findings—including what patterns of envy say about modern gender dynamics, and why they may persist in our rapidly changing world.

How And Why Envy Was Studied

"The interest in the topic arose from our teaching practice when we began to notice some specific expressions of emotion and imbalance in our classroom discussions with students, which students referred to as envy," explained the explained the leader study andhead of the Department of Educational and School Psychology at the University of Ostrava, Tereza Kimplova in an interview with PsyPost.

They clarified, "As a new generation of young people comes of age with more open opportunities and ideas about the greater permeability of social roles between the sexes, we were interested in whether and in what context experiences of gender envy would manifest themselves."

Thus, to explore the object of men and women's envy, the team administered surveys to 1,769 participants in the Czech Republic—aged between 15- and 94-years old. The survey itself consisted of a single simple, open-ended question: "What do you envy in the other sex?" Naturally, the responses were varied—some only single-worded, and some stretching into paragraphs.

What Men Envy Most About Women

Based on elaborate qualitative analyses of the participants' responses, Krakovská and her research team found that men had four main objects of envy toward women:

1. Physical attractiveness and social influence. Most men in the study envied women's beauty—and, in turn, their ability to use beauty and charm to influence others. It's likely that, in a society which places high value on female attractiveness, men may feel disadvantaged by their lack of comparable avenues to command attention or sway opinions. This envy also reflects a desire for the social privileges that often accompany beauty—such as preferential treatment or admiration, known as "pretty privilege."
2. Freedom of emotional expression. Men expressed envy for women's ability to openly share emotions without societal judgment. This finding is anything but surprising, considering how strongly traditional gender norms discourage men from showing vulnerability. Men, despite whatever hardships they may face, are consistently pressured to appear stoic and composed. This emotional repression can lead to feelings of envy toward women, who are far more culturally permitted to express a broader emotional range. Women may cry, lament or vent—freely and openly—without fear of being brandished as weak or lesser.
3. Motherhood and the creation of life. Some male participants envied women's unique ability to bear and nurture children—a role which is tightly tied to the creation of life. This envy of motherhood might be linked to a broader admiration for the nurturing and life-giving roles traditionally associated with women. It reflects a recognition of something inherently powerful and fulfilling that men cannot and will never be able to experience directly; they can only bear witness to the "joy of motherhood."
4. Cognitive and multitasking skills. Fascinatingly, men also envied women's perceived ability to multitask and handle complex responsibilities, efficiently and in tandem. Women are commonly seen as most adept at juggling professional, personal and family obligations all at once; this is a skill that men may admire, but find difficult to replicate. This envy is likely most ironic of all, as this capability is the product of societal expectations laid out for women—to be a mother, a wife and a home-maker all at once—which women themselves sometimes resent.

What Women Envy Most About Men

Women's envies, on the other hand, are similar (yet, ironically, still juxtaposed) to those of men. According to Krakovská's research, women also had four main areas of envy:

1. Societal privileges. Nearly all women who participated in the study envied men for their perceived advantages in the workplace and broader society—namely their higher salaries, faster career advancement and access to leadership roles. These privileges are a predictable symptom of enduring systemic inequalities, where—despite progress—men remain more likely to be viewed as competent and authoritative. Women may also feel burdened by the aforementioned expectation to juggle career success with traditional caregiving roles, which all but compounds their sense of inequity.
2. Freedom from appearance pressures. In ironic contrast to men's envy, many women in the study coveted the relative lack of scrutiny men face regarding their appearance. While women are often judged harshly based on beauty standards and aging, men are generally afforded more leniency—especially as they grow older. This disparity can leave women feeling pressured to maintain youthfulness and attractiveness in ways that men are not expected to. Men are free to dress as they want, are neither pressured to spend on nor wear make-up, and can age without being told they've "let themselves go"; this is a simple freedom that women deeply crave.
3. Freedom from emotional labor. Unsurprisingly, women in the study also envied men's perceived ability to "relax" and detach from emotional labor—which includes managing household responsibilities, childcare and even relational dynamics. The expectation that women should shoulder these invisible burdens can lead to frustration and envy of men's perceived mental freedom. While men crave the joyous beauty of motherhood and the freedom of emotional expression, women resent them.
4. Biological freedoms. The final object of women's envy was a pioneering discovery, as it gave rise to a novel "form" of envy—something existing research has not yet documented. This is what authors described as "ablative envy," which refers to envying something that another person does not have. As Krakovská explains, "The subtext is that the envier would like to have something unpleasant taken away from them and not have to endure it, just as the object of their envy does not have to endure it." It's worth noting how greatly ablative envy differs from its traditional counterparts, in which individuals covet what another has. Specifically, this term was coined after noticing the significant number of women in the study who envied men for being free of menstruation, pregnancy and menopause. These biological processes are physically and emotionally taxing, and women may view men's exemption from these experiences as a significant advantage.

Ultimately, Krakovská concludes that, "Women most often envy men for their more carefree lives, their finances and their status in the world of work," In contrast, she explains that, "Men, on the other hand, envy women's physical beauty and their ability to seduce and manipulate. Envy therefore reflects the gender imbalance in society and the fact that we are not equal in our desires."

It's a bittersweet irony: men and women often envy in each other what the other resents about their own experience. Women long for the societal freedoms, emotional detachment and physical ease that men enjoy, and yet men often struggle with the weight of being emotionally constrained and socially judged by different standards. Similarly, men admire women for their beauty, emotional openness and nurturing roles, while women often find these same aspects a source of intense pressure and sacrifice.

Let these findings be a poignant reminder that the grass may seem greener on the other side, but each side carries its own heavy burdens. In reality, neither experience is inherently easier or better; rather, they're both shaped by societal structures that leave much to be desired for everyone.

Have the objects of your envy crept their way into your love life? Take this science-backed test, and find out whether its cause for concern: Cognitive Jealousy Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.