3 Factors That Contribute To 'Gamophobia'—The Fear Of Marriage

Has your past left you fearful of a potentially beautiful future? Here's how to tell.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 13, 2025

Marriage is easily one of the biggest decisions a person can make, and for many, it's an exciting milestone. For others, the idea evokes gut-wrenching fear and anxiety. An intense and persistent fear of marriage or commitment, also known as "Gamophobia" can interfere with a person's ability to form or maintain meaningful relationships.

This fear often manifests as extreme anxiety or panic at the thought of marriage, avoiding conversations or situations related to marriage, persistent feelings of dread or unease when in a serious relationship or sabotaging it as it deepens, overanalyzing potential flaws in a partner to justify reluctance to commit and preferring more casual or noncommittal relationships.

A 2024 study published in Family Transitions examined young adults' feelings about marriage and uncovered several reasons behind this apprehension.

Here are three primary reasons why some people are deeply wary of marriage, according to the study.

1. Being A Child Of Divorce

Growing up with divorced parents can leave lasting impressions on how we view marriage. Researchers found that individuals with divorced parents are more likely to hold negative attitudes about marriage.

Children of divorce often internalize the belief that relationships are inherently fragile. For instance, one might think, "If my parents couldn't make it work, why should I even try?" or "I don't want to go through what they did." This mindset can manifest as decreased effort and commitment in their own relationships, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of dysfunction.

"We question whether the term 'marriage' itself may be loaded for those who have experienced their parents' divorce, such that they instinctually rate their feelings toward it more negatively," the researchers write.

However, researchers suggest that it's essential to note the variability in these outcomes. While some individuals adopt a more cynical view of marriage, others experience hope, wishing to use their parents' experience as a lesson to build healthier, more resilient relationships.

For instance, researchers found that those who experience successful parental remarriages—especially men—often report more positive feelings about marriage, emphasizing the potential for second chances and personal growth.

2. A Fear Of Repeating Family Dynamics

Even for those whose parents stayed together, growing up in a household filled with conflict can be equally daunting. Research published in The Family Journal shows that people raised in high-conflict environments often associate marriage with discord and unhappiness, fearing that their own relationships will follow the same path.

These early experiences shape attitudes toward intimacy, trust and vulnerability in their future relationships. Such fear can lead to avoiding commitment altogether or hypervigilance in romantic relationships, where the individual constantly anticipates conflict.

Interestingly, researchers also found that the quality of family dynamics—regardless of the presence or absence of divorce—play a crucial role in shaping attitudes toward marriage. Specifically, families that encourage a sense of independence and autonomy produce young adults with a healthier outlook on relationships.

However, a lack of autonomy growing up can strongly trigger the need for independence and reinforce negative attitudes about how future relationships may continue to be stifling.

"Young people may have mixed feelings toward marriage if they have learned to value independence and autonomy during their upbringing but continue to be exposed to traditional values instilled by Western society," the researchers add.

3. Having An 'Avoidant' Attachment Style

Researchers found that a fear of marriage also stems from a discomfort with closeness in relationships. Attachment theory suggests that early relationships with caregivers significantly shape how we approach close relationships throughout life. People with an "avoidant" attachment style often fear intimacy and dependence, which can lead to hesitations about marriage.

For those with this attachment style, marriage might symbolize vulnerability, interdependence, and the loss of autonomy—elements they might find uncomfortable or threatening. Avoidant attachment often stems from inconsistent or emotionally distant caregiving during childhood. Individuals learn to suppress emotional needs and avoid closeness as a protective mechanism.

This mindset can extend into adulthood, influencing romantic relationships. Avoidantly attached individuals might prioritize independence over connection, seeing marriage not as a partnership but as a potential loss of self. They may fear becoming overly reliant on their partner or being "trapped" in a dynamic where their needs are dismissed or misunderstood. This can lead them to approach relationships cautiously or avoid long-term commitments altogether.

Additionally, avoidantly attached individuals may struggle with trust and emotional vulnerability, two cornerstones of a healthy marriage. They might fear that their partner will eventually hurt or abandon them, even if there is no evidence to suggest this. The good news is that attachment styles are not fixed. With self-awareness and consistent effort, individuals can work toward developing a more secure attachment style.

Partners of avoidantly attached individuals can also play a crucial role by being patient and consistent, showing that intimacy and reliance do not necessarily equate to a loss of self. With time, it's possible to reframe marriage as a supportive partnership rather than a threat to emotional well-being.

These anxieties are often protective mechanisms from our past, but they don't have to define our future. Understanding the origins of these fears is the first step toward dismantling them. For those who struggle with the idea of marriage, there's hope in self-awareness and deliberate action.

Therapy, open communication with partners and redefining personal narratives can transform fear into confidence. It's also essential to challenge societal pressures and view marriage as a personal choice, rather than an obligatory milestone.

A fear of marriage also isn't inherently a bad thing. It can urge you to carefully evaluate what you want from a lifelong partnership and motivate you to question inherited beliefs, break generational patterns, heal attachment wounds and embrace the possibility of creating something new. With the right tools and mindset, it's possible to approach marriage not with fear, but with hope.

Curious whether an avoidant attachment style influences your views on marriage? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Avoidant Attachment Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.