3 Characteristics That Are Universal Among Supportive Partners
A good partner should always be there for you, no matter what. Does your partner have these three supportive traits?
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | 04 March, 2024
When your partner is going through a difficult time, you most likely feel the need to comfort them. A 2021 study confirmed that trying to make your partner feel better is associated with experiencing higher relationship satisfaction, suggesting that it is an inherently rewarding experience.
Additionally, a 2023 study examined the specific processes people use to soothe their partners and found that some of the methods they use to regulate their own emotions—such as trying to suppress them or thinking that "others have it worse"—may not necessarily work when one asks their partner to do the same. In fact, this rarely comes across as supportive behavior and might even create resentment.
Instead, here are three uplifting strategies to support your partner that elevate your relationship quality, according to the 2023 study.
1. Play With Lighthearted Humor
Researchers found that using humor in relationships is associated with higher relationship satisfaction. Moments of shared laughter allow couples to share joy, bringing them closer and enhancing perceptions of relationship quality and interpersonal support. A 2021 study also found that humor helps couples resolve conflict and forgive each other more easily.
However, research suggests that it is important to be mindful of the kind of humor you use. "Affiliative humor" is a benign form of humor that enhances relationship satisfaction as it involves using positive jokes and warm, friendly banter to create a sense of camaraderie, inclusion and connection.
Affiliative humor often revolves around shared experiences, common interests or inside jokes and is characterized by its positive and uplifting nature, aiming to alleviate tension and bring people together rather than trying to ridicule or minimize their pain, which is associated with lower relationship satisfaction. It is essential to be cognizant of a partner's boundaries and what they would and would not be comfortable joking about.
2. Express Your Appreciation
Researchers found that valuing a partner strongly predicts the level of relationship satisfaction one experiences. Complimenting them, letting them know how proud you are of them and acknowledging their strengths and accomplishments can make them feel validated and cherished.
Appreciation is also a great way to support them when they are down. If they are experiencing self-doubt or feeling inadequate, reaffirming their strengths can remind them of their capabilities and positive qualities, boosting their confidence and self-esteem.
Expressing your admiration also reassures your partner that they are loved and accepted, even in the most challenging moments. This reassurance can provide comfort and stability, relieving their distress. Knowing that they have support and encouragement from you can motivate them to face difficulties with resilience and determination.
3. Listen Without Judgment
Researchers found that "receptive listening" predicts higher relationship satisfaction. It is an essential communication skill that involves giving one's conversation partner a safe space to express themselves and making a genuine effort to simply listen, comprehend and respond to them with empathy and respect.
Receptive listeners approach conversations with an open mind, suspending their own biases and preconceptions. When your partner is able to speak to you openly about negative emotions, without a fear of judgment, it elicits strong feelings of trust and closeness.
Receptive listening can also help your partner clarify their thoughts and feelings, enabling them to better articulate their concerns and potentially find solutions to their problems. Simply having a sounding board can be incredibly helpful in gaining perspective and finding a way forward.
Research shows that the presence of an empathic listener also improves one's emotional and physiological response to negative life events and helps them feel less alone.
When you engage in high quality listening, your partner is more likely to perceive you as responsive, caring and validating, which enhances the quality of a relationship and builds constructive communication between partners.
Uplifting your partner impacts your life and theirs. Mutual respect, appreciation, shared joy and empathic communication strengthen the foundation of your relationship, steadily guiding you with love, through the good times and the bad.
Wondering if your relationship is mutually supportive? Take this test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.