2 Things That You Didn't Know About 'Aromanticism'
The link between romance and sexuality can be tricky—especially for someone who is 'aromantic.' Here's what you need to know about it.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 03, 2024
Aromanticism refers to experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others. People who identify as aromantic may have little interest in romantic relationships or may not desire romantic involvement at all. Aromanticism exists on a spectrum, referred to as the aromantic-spectrum or the "aro-spec."
A 2024 study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health examined the experiences of aromantic individuals. Here are two important insights into the aromantic experience, according to the study.
1. Aromanticism Involves A Wide Range Of Experiences
Aromanticism encompasses a wide range of experiences and attitudes towards romantic attraction.
"It is not as simple to dichotomize between experiencing or not experiencing romantic attraction, as many Aro-spec folks have broad perspectives toward romance (often ranging between repulsion, lack of interest and confusion) or experience romantic attraction under specific conditions," the researchers state.
For many aromantic individuals, the concept of romance is puzzling. They often do not understand or relate to the purpose and appeal of "romantically-coded" activities such as kissing and dating. Societal norms around romance can feel alien or unnecessary for some, while romance may be aversive to others.
"When you listen to all those songs about romantic love, you wonder if people really feel that way that they would let people ruin them. Would they really let another person make them their own? These contracts don't seem fair. When I think that they might mean it, it makes me flinch," explains one participant.
Some aromantic individuals also view their identity as a rejection of traditional societal constructs of romance and relationships.
"For me it's that not only that I don't experience romantic attraction, it's also that I don't agree with the societal script of romance and would like to opt out of the traditional structure altogether," explains a 25-year-old participant from the study.
The aromantic-spectrum also includes identities such as greyromantic, for those who occasionally feel romantic attraction and demiromantic, for those who only experience romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional bond. This diversity underscores the importance of recognizing and respecting the varied experiences within the aromantic community.
2. Aromanticism Is Highly Misunderstood
Members of the aromantic community often face stigma for being part of the LGBTQIA+ community and are subject to discriminatory cultural tropes, being referred to as "robots, aliens or monsters" for not experiencing romantic attraction or love in a conventionally accepted way.
Here are three common misconceptions about aromanticism that contribute to this stigma.
- Aromantics are incapable of loving relationships. This belief overlooks the deep, meaningful connections aromantic individuals form with friends, family and other non-romantic partners. "You can still fall in love platonically with your friends, or your pets, or even aesthetically for a really pretty sunset or whatever else. It's just not romantic," explains a 26 year old participant from the study.
- Aromanticism is synonymous with asexuality. Aromanticism is often misunderstood as being the same as asexuality. However, these are distinct identities—aromanticism relates to a lack of romantic attraction, while asexuality pertains to a lack of sexual attraction. Although some people identify as both (aroace), many do not. Researchers found that 90% of participants believed that the two should be respected as separate identities.
- Aromantics are emotionally deficient or traumatized. Another harmful stereotype is that aromantic individuals must be emotionally deficient, traumatized or mentally ill. This perspective suggests that their lack of romantic attraction is a problem to be fixed and they are just choosing to abstain from it due to negative past experiences. While they may have experienced trauma like anyone else, this does not invalidate their identity.
Amatonormativity—the societal expectation that everyone desires romantic love and that romantic relationships are superior to other forms of relationships—fuels much of the stigma against aromantic people.
This perspective devalues friendships, queer-platonic relationships and other non-romantic bonds, painting aromantics as sad and lonely or needing the "right person" to enter their lives, even though singlehood is just as fulfilling for them.
"Perhaps influenced by a misunderstanding of aromanticism and dominance of amatonormativity, many aromantic people felt that they were perceived to be immature, attention-seeking, selfish or cruel, having commitment issues or missing something that made them human," the researchers explain.
Heterosexual marriage is still the most highly valued type of relationship in society, receiving significant legal and social recognition. This marginalizes aromantic individuals whose relationships do not fit this mold.
These stereotypes contribute to a harmful narrative and several negative consequences, such as feeling pressured to conform to romantic norms, hide one's true identity to avoid judgment and facing social isolation and a lack of acceptance.
While the stigma aromantics face is deeply challenging, researchers found that for many participants, connecting with their aromantic identity is also a transformative and empowering experience.
Many describe this connection as a turning point that allows them to stop conforming to societal expectations, accept themselves, redefine and nurture their relationships and start living authentically.
While these insights cannot speak to the experience of every single aromantic person, they highlight the importance of questioning amatonormativity and respecting individual identities. Challenging these misconceptions and advocating for greater recognition and respect for diverse relationship structures is a crucial step towards creating a safer and more inclusive world.
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A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.