2 Downsides Of Dating A 'Red Pill' Man

To avoid making the same mistake as exes of 'red pill' men, hear what they have to say about their experience of dating anti-feminists.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 03, 2024

"Red pill" men represent a growing subculture that challenges feminist narratives and emphasizes traditional gender roles as the natural way of life. The term originates from the 1999 film "The Matrix," where the protagonist, Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, is offered a choice between a red pill and a blue pill. The red pill symbolizes awakening to harsh realities, while the blue pill represents remaining happy, but ignorant.

As a form of modern misogyny and men's rights activism, the "red pill" concept has been co-opted by these online communities to represent a similar awakening to what they perceive as the true nature of society and gender relations.

Here are clear two signs of dating a "red pill" man, according to research.

1. They Subscribe Heavily To Anti-Feminist Ideology

A central tenet of red pill ideology is the belief in inherent differences between male and female roles and behaviors, which are seen as biologically and socially ingrained. Red pill proponents often argue that women are driven by evolutionary imperatives that conflict with growing societal expectations of equality and partnership.

Such individuals tend to believe that women inherently seek to "trade-up" or pair with men of higher socio-economic status. These groups frequently categorize men as either "alpha" (dominant, successful, confident) or "beta" (submissive, less successful), with a strong emphasis on becoming an "alpha."

This ideology perpetuates misogynistic views, reducing women to stereotypes and undermining gender equality. The community is often accused of selectively interpreting evidence to support their beliefs while ignoring contradictory information. Online forums and groups can also create "echo chambers" or environments where extreme views are amplified, potentially isolating individuals from more balanced perspectives.

A 2023 study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma examined the deeply challenging experiences of women who were ex-partners of red pill men, offering insight into their exes' beliefs.

"The manosphere believes the truth that men must 'wake up' to is that feminism harms them and robs them of their masculinity. The red pill community takes this imagery further, telling men that if they swallow the red pill they will be able to overcome the obstacles that feminism uses to prevent them from having as many sexual partners as they desire," the researchers write.

While some aspects of the red pill appear to focus on male self-improvement, including fitness, financial independence and confidence-building, the broader implications often reinforce divisive and harmful stereotypes.

Participants reported that their red pill ex-partners strongly supported and consumed red-pill community content for a majority of their time online, on sites such as YouTube, Reddit and 4chan, which often involved believing in the intellectual inferiority of women.

"One participant described her partner expressing surprise that she was smart and funny, because he believed women to be incapable of those qualities. Multiple participants mentioned either being requested to take IQ tests or having been shown sources which suggest that women have inherently lower IQs than men," the researchers write.

"He kept telling me 'your college degree is a waste of time,'" one participant recalls, highlighting how many red pill partners hold traditional beliefs that women should instead be mothers, caretakers or housekeepers.

Additionally, red-pill partners often labeled women as untrustworthy, unfaithful and only seeking to date rich men.

"For them, it's very, it's very all-or-nothing … all women are bad. There's no in-between, there's no couple-of-okay ones, it's they're all bad. They're all horrible. They're all cheaters," one participant explained.

Participants also reported that red pill men often displayed contradictory beliefs and perpetuated double standards.

"Multiple participants were subjected to their partners' belief that all women were inherently unfaithful while later discovering that these same men were using dating and chat applications to seduce other women, while implying that as men they were naturally bound to philandering behaviors," the researchers explain.

2. They Display Highly Manipulative behavior

A study published this month in Personal Relationships found that dark personality traits, including psychopathy, narcissism and machiavellianism are associated with the red pill (TRP) community, who often advocate such behavior in romantic and sexual relationships with women.

"TRP men consistently displayed self-interest and willingness to use manipulation to meet their needs, portraying themselves to their partners and the world as successful while callously disregarding partners' emotions in their pursuit of sex or social desirability," writes Ian Zapcic, author of the study.

Research shows that dark personality traits are also associated with engaging in coaxing and coercive tactics to "obtain" sex, reflecting rampant sexual objectification and manipulation.

"Specific strategies often involve using rehearsed routines which aim to obtain sex as quickly as possible, "maintaining frame" or remaining emotionally detached, and creating constant "dread" or fear of abandonment in women," explain the researchers of the 2023 study.

Participants also described how they had felt controlled and mistreated by their red pill ex-partner, highlighting instances where they felt gaslighted, had their concerns ignored or dismissed, found any pursuit for self-development or independence being sabotaged and their friendships strongly discouraged by their partner.

"For instance, one participant stated that her partner insisted all of her friends were 'sluts' who would convince her to leave him so that she could have sexual relations with other men," the researchers write.

These behaviors only served to drive romantic partners away, with participants reporting they would never date someone like that again.

"The unique and novel aspects of TRP are not necessarily its advocacy for sexual manipulation, emotional detachment, or coercive control, but rather that they are being repackaged under the guise of scientifically approached male empowerment for men online seeking social connections," the researchers conclude, highlighting the dangerous complexity of red pill messaging.

The red pill ideology profoundly affects both men and women by perpetuating harmful stereotypes, hyper-masculine ideals and resulting in tumultuous, unsuccessful and damaging relationships. It is both possible and essential to engage in a critical examination of this ideology and make a conscious effort to embrace a more balanced and respectful perspective for the sake of our collective well-being.

Curious whether you display a sense of entitlement in relationships? Take this test to learn more: Sense Of Relational Entitlement Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.