10 Questions To Know If You're Experiencing 'Couple's Burnout'
Are your relationship ups and downs more extreme than most? Here's a scientific way to find out.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 21, 2024
An article published in Social Psychology Quarterly introduces a 10-item scale that measures “burnout” within couples, providing mental health experts and the public with a tool that can help couples address feelings of exhaustion and indifference within their relationships.
According to the researchers, burnout refers to feelings of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion that leads to feelings of disengagement and a lowered sense of accomplishment. It is often the result of over-involvement in emotionally demanding responsibilities.
Although burnout is commonly understood as a work-related experience, studies show that burnout can occur within romantic relationships too. The exhaustion we’re used to feeling after a long and stressful day of work can also be felt when we disconnect or detach from our partner. Even more concerning, these two types of burnout can interact with one another in detrimental ways.
“Burnout Contagion” Can Infect All Aspects Of Your Life
In the study, the authors explain that the experience of burnout in one area of life can spill over into others. In essence, if you’re experiencing stress or strain in your relationship, there is a decent chance that you’ll experience burnout in your work life too.
Moreover, the researchers also found that one partner’s experience of burnout can cross over to the other partner. Essentially, if one partner expresses stress with their work or in the relationship, the other partner’s experience of burnout may increase too.
These findings highlight how burnout isn’t just a one-dimensional issue; it’s a contagion that can spread between different aspects of one’s life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or strained in your relationship, it’s likely to spill into your work life, and vice versa.
When we’re burning the candle at both ends, our well-being suffers. And perhaps the most eye-opening discovery is that burnout isn’t just an individual struggle—it’s a shared experience in couples.
Couple’s Burnout Measure
To measure the experience of burnout in couples, the researchers developed a 10-item scale that captures symptoms of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion in a romantic partnership.
The test, intended to be answered on a scale from “never” to “always,” is as follows:
When you think about your marriage or intimate relationship overall, how often have you felt:
- Tired
- Disappointed with your spouse or intimate partner
- Hopeless
- Trapped
- Helpless
- Depressed
- Weak or sickly
- Insecure or like a failure
- Difficulties sleeping
- “I’ve had it”
If you find that you’re grappling with these ten feelings on a frequent basis, there’s a good chance that you might be experiencing couple’s burnout. The best thing you can do in this situation is to reach out to your partner and let them in on your feelings and experiences.
Remember, you’re not alone. Burnout often infiltrates the relationship space like an uninvited guest. By actively supporting one another, communicating openly and making a conscious effort to re-center yourselves, you’re not just tackling burnout as individuals, you’re navigating it as a team.
Conclusion
The significance of supporting each other when one or both partners are experiencing burnout cannot be overstated. It’s like holding an umbrella together in a rainstorm—you shield each other from the downpour. Finding that balance, both in the hustle of your careers and the intimacy of your romantic life, isn’t just an option, but a lifeline. It’s the key to surviving and thriving in your relationship.
If you’d like to take the Couple’s Burnout Scale and receive your results, you can follow this link: Couple’s Burnout Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.