5 Things To Do If You're Experiencing 'Workplace Gaslighting'

Stuck in a toxic workplace environment? Here's how to regain control if you feel like you're being gaslit.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 22, 2024

Workplace gaslighting is a subtle tactic that causes victims to question their reality, doubt their perceptions and feel uncertain about their competence. This behavior often results in guilt, grief and both personal and professional isolation. It thrives in workplaces lacking psychological safety, triggering mental health issues ranging from chronic stress to suicidal ideation.

A gaslighter might contradict past agreements, or blame you for decisions they originally supported. They may change deadlines without informing you, criticize your work unfairly or deny having said things that you clearly remember. Phrases like "I never said that, maybe you're misremembering it" or "you're overreacting" are commonly used by gaslighters to make others feel like they are the problem.

Over time, this constant manipulation erodes your self-confidence, making you question your own perceptions. It leads to increased stress, decreased job satisfaction, a toxic work environment and emotional exhaustion.

"In workplace cultures where gaslighting and other forms of incivility persist, members may be reticent or fearful to speak up," explain the researchers of a 2023 study published in Teaching and Learning in Nursing.

Here are five ways you can recognize and overcome workplace gaslighting.

1. Turn Your Words Into Proof

A common sign of gaslighting is when you start second-guessing your memory. Your boss might say, "I never said that," even though you distinctly recall them agreeing to something. This tactic is designed to make you doubt your perception of events.

Here are some effective ways to document workplace gaslighting:

• Record conversations and take photos. If legal in your region, use your phone to record important conversations or take screenshots of texts and emails.
• Note dates and times. Make a habit of noting down the exact dates and times of key conversations or incidents for accuracy.
• Summarize conversations. After meetings or discussions, summarize the conversation, including direct quotes when possible, to ensure clarity and reference points.
• Keep a diary or voice memos. Maintain a private journal or record voice memos where you document interactions, including the date, time and details of what was said or done.
• Have witnesses. Whenever possible, include others in meetings or conversations where critical issues are discussed to ensure more accountability.
• Use emails. Always follow up on important conversations with an email recap, ensuring agreements and discussions are clearly documented in writing.

By documenting these interactions, you ensure there's a clear reference to what was discussed, leaving less room for the gaslighter to distort the facts. Keeping detailed records will help you stay grounded in your reality and give you the evidence needed to confront the situation, should you need to take action.

2. Trust In Your Instincts

One of the most powerful ways to overcome workplace gaslighting is to learn to trust your gut and validate your own experiences. Workplace gaslighting isn't always obvious.

Gaslighters often employ subtle tactics to manipulate others and create self-doubt.

A 2019 study mentioned one such method called displacing, where the gaslighter insinuates that the problem stems from your personality or thinking, subtly implying that you are unreliable or flawed.

Practicing self-validation—affirming that your feelings are real and justified—can help you regain trust in your own perceptions. Your instincts are often accurate, even when someone tries to make you feel otherwise.

Regularly reflect on events, compare them with any documentation or feedback and reaffirm your understanding. You are not flawed or unreliable simply because someone else claims so.

3. Seek External Support

Gaslighters often isolate their targets by making them feel alone in their experiences, causing self-doubt and confusion. Sharing your thoughts and experiences with people you trust can provide much-needed clarity.

These external voices can offer a different perspective, helping you see that you are not "imagining things" and that the gaslighter's manipulation is the problem—not you. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can also remind you that you are worthy, that you are doing enough and that you don't need the gaslighter's approval to prove your worth.

You are always deserving of respect and kindness, and having people who reinforce this can be a powerful antidote to gaslighting. By leaning on your trusted circle, you can reaffirm your reality and build the resilience needed to reject the gaslighter's attempts to diminish your worth.

4. Set Firm Boundaries And Limit Your Interactions

Working under a boss who undermines your achievements and self-esteem can be exhausting, but leaving may not always be an option. To safeguard your mental health, it's crucial to minimize contact with the gaslighter.

Keeping communication brief and work-related can help limit any attempts to manipulate you. The 2023 study also suggests using cognitive restructuring to reframe these experiences as challenges rather than threats, which can provide further emotional distance and help maintain your emotional well-being.

Decide what behavior is unacceptable, and be ready to enforce consequences if your boundaries are crossed. For example, you can say, "I'm only willing to discuss this if we stay focused on the facts." If the conversation becomes manipulative, calmly excuse yourself and walk away. Boundaries help you maintain control and safeguard your mental health.

5. Stay Calm And Professional

Gaslighters often try to provoke emotional reactions in an attempt to discredit you or make you seem irrational. By remaining calm and composed, you deny them the satisfaction of unsettling you and prevent them from using your response against you. Stick to the facts, and avoid getting drawn into emotional confrontations.

For instance, if a gaslighter accuses you of missing an important task, rather than reacting defensively, respond calmly with facts, such as, "I completed that task on Tuesday and sent you the update via email." This way, you maintain your professionalism while providing clear, documented evidence to support your actions. This factual, measured response leaves little room for manipulation and keeps the conversation grounded in reality.

By staying calm and professional, you maintain control over the narrative and demonstrate that you won't be easily rattled by manipulative behavior. This approach not only safeguards your credibility but also helps you navigate difficult situations with dignity and confidence.

Suspect you might be experiencing gaslighting at work? Take this science-backed quiz to find out: Gaslighting At Work Questionnaire

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.