4 Clear Signs You're Dealing With An Energy Drainer
Your body often notices the drain before your mind does. These are the signals to watch for.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | December 3, 2025
Most of us know at least one person who leaves us feeling exhausted after even a brief interaction. You might start a conversation feeling fine, but by the time it ends, you feel drained of all your energy, overwhelmed or emotionally depleted. While it's easy to label people like this as "toxic," the truth is usually more nuanced. Often, people who wear us out aren't acting maliciously; they're merely stuck in patterns that unintentionally impact others.
Here are four common reasons people drain your energy and how to respond.
1. They Rely On You For Emotional Regulation
Some people are emotionally draining because they depend on others to help them manage their feelings. This pattern, aptly named "externalizing regulation," can show up in many ways:
- They vent nonstop but never take steps to improve their situation
- They turn every conversation into an emotional dumping session
- They expect you to soothe, advise or validate them constantly
When someone hasn't learned healthy self-regulation skills, they may offload their anxiety, sadness or stress onto people around them. And the circle around them become, sometimes without their knowledge or consent, their emotional stabilizers.
A 2021 study published in Hormones and Behavior found thatan individual's brain will processes others' emotions similarly to their own. This is due to a well-known phenomenon known as "emotional contagion."
In this sense, when someone repeatedly unloads their emotional baggage on you without boundaries, your stress response activates, leaving you mentally and physically depleted. Over time, this can only lead to compassion fatigue. Even if you care about the person, your nervous system can only absorb so much emotional intensity before it begins to fray.
2. They Constantly Take Without Giving
Every relationship you have, whether it's a friendship, a family bond or a romantic connection, should include a natural exchange of emotional support, attention and consideration. But some people chronically take far more than they give.
And this emotional imbalance can leave anyone feeling unseen, unappreciated or emotionally bankrupt. Even if they love and cherish the other, constantly giving without reciprocity will inevitably drain their energy.
While it may not seem like it, our emotional energy is a finite resource. When someone chronically withdraws from your "emotional bank account," without making enough deposits back into it, you quickly enter a deficit. Their presence might drain you, even if you genuinely care about them and want to see them thrive.
- You notice conversations are always about their problems
- They expect support but rarely offer it
- You leave interactions feeling empty rather than uplifted
Recognizing this imbalance in a relationship and adjusting your availability to spend more time with people who energize you is crucial in this sense. And this isn't a selfish decision; it's a matter of self-preservation. In fact, a 2023 structural study of nearly 1,000 nurses showed that when very empathic people receive strong social support, they experience less emotional exhaustion.
3. Their Communication Style Is Chaotic or Negative
Some people drain energy not because of who they are, but because of how they communicate. Communication styles have a profound effect on emotional energy, and certain patterns can be especially depleting:
- Chronic complaining. They focus on what's wrong instead of what's possible. You become their outlet for frustration rather than a partner in problem-solving.
- Catastrophizing. They interpret minor issues as disasters, often dragging you into their anxiety spiral.
- Interrupting. You leave interactions feeling unheard or mentally overloaded.
- Constant conflict-seeking. Everything becomes an argument, and you're left defending, justifying or calming things down. You feel responsible for managing the "tone" of the interaction.
Chaotic or negative communication forces your brain into high-alert mode. Instead of a calm exchange, you're navigating tension, uncertainty or emotional intensity, and these processes consume significant cognitive and emotional resources.
4. They Disregard Boundaries (Often Without Realizing It)
People who chronically ignore or overstep boundaries can drain your energy simply by being in your orbit. This can show up as:
- Over-contacting you
- Invading your personal or emotional space
- Showing up unannounced
- Expecting immediate responses
- Assuming your time or help is always available
- Pushing discussions into topics you've said you're not comfortable with
Boundary-challenging behavior is common in people who struggle with loneliness, insecurity or impulsivity. So, naturally, these behaviors are rarely rooted in malicious intent, but they can still be draining.
On the other hand, when someone constantly ignores boundaries, you shift into constant defense mode. You keep anticipating the next message, request or intrusion, and become generally suspicious in the company of this person. Over time, your natural disposition can change from being calm to that of reactivity.
What You Can Do To Protect Your Energy
Recognizing why someone drains you is the first step toward refilling your emotional cup. The next step is developing practices that actively protect your well-being. Here are a few steps to get you started:
- Set clear Boundaries. Protecting your energy starts with awareness and intentional action. You can do this by defining your limits and communicating them calmly and consistently. Whether it's the time you can spend on calls, the topics you're willing to discuss or the frequency of interactions, enforcing boundaries is a sign of respect, for both yourself and the other person.
- Manage your emotional state. Your ability to remain centered determines how much others' emotions impact you. Practices like meditation, deep-breathing exercises journaling or physical activity can help you regulate stress and maintain perspective. When you are grounded, you can empathize without absorbing others' emotional turbulence.
- Shift the interaction dynamic. Instead of diving headfirst into someone else's crisis, redirect the conversation toward actionable solutions, ask clarifying questions or maintain a neutral stance when appropriate. This approach reduces emotional spillover and prevents you from carrying the burden of their feelings unnecessarily.
- Evaluate and adjust your level of engagement. Assess the frequency and intensity of interactions with the person that drains you. Think about if you need to create temporary distance between the two of you through shorter conversations, spaced-out meetings or focused check-ins. Limiting exposure doesn't mean cutting someone off; it means preserving your emotional bandwidth so that you can be fully present when you do engage.
Protecting your energy is about feeling psychologically safe in an interaction. Take this science-backed test to know about your emotional state: Psychological Safety Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.