3 Ways To Stay Grounded When You Start A New Relationship

New love can sweep you off your feet. These tips help you land safely.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 14, 2025

It's easy to get swept up in romance in the early days of love. We feel like we can move mountains or swim oceans for the person we adore, no matter how unrealistic it may sound. To us, it feels true, and sometimes that feels like enough. But when we start idealizing potential partners, is it a leap of faith or one of irrationality?

The novelty, attraction and joy of new love can override our better judgment, but staying rational is important if we want to build a long-term future with a partner without uprooting our lives to take drastic measures "out of love."

Here are three key steps to take to stay grounded when your mind is busy building castles in the air with a new partner.

1. Try Not To Put Them On A Pedestal

One of the first signs you might be getting carried away is when you start telling everyone how amazing your partner is, even if all they did was open a door for you. Maybe they told you you're "beautiful" or "brilliant," and now you can't stop thinking about it. Suddenly, you're mentally planning a future with someone you barely know.

When people start falling in love, they tend to ignore all possibilities of future problems that could later impact their relationships. They believe their bond is strong enough to withstand the issues that affect other couples.

This could be a result of a cognitive bias called "positive illusion" where we overestimate a partner's qualities early in a relationship. However, idealizing your partner doesn't guarantee greater relationship satisfaction. In fact, chasing a reality where your partner is perfect may lead to eventual disappointment.

In a classic study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, couples were asked how much they idealized their partners, i.e., how often they saw them as better than they really are, felt more in control of the relationship and felt optimistic about their future together.

The results showed that dating couples who initially had stronger positive illusions were more likely to stay together and feel happier later on.

However, painting a perfect picture of someone you barely know can be misleading. Research shows that while a positive bias is helpful in relationships, an accurate perception of one's partner is equally important in meeting relationship goals and avoiding regret and disappointment down the line.

To avoid putting them on a pedestal, remember to ask questions, rather than prematurely assuming the best in them. Find out more about their life experiences, values, family dynamics and how they approach work, love and stress.

When you catch yourself mentally completing someone's story or romanticizing their life, check with yourself if you've asked them about their life goals and core values or if you're just filling in the blanks yourself.

2. Nurture Your Life Outside Of The Relationship

As we grow older, it gets harder to keep up with old friends due to changing priorities, moving to other cities and countries and dating new people. But, how would it feel if the only connection you end up with is your partner?

They may be your significant other, but your friends, like the ones you met in school, have witnessed you grow through different phases of life. They offer support, perspective and diverse forms of connection that are invaluable. You might not be talking to them every day, but it's important to stay in touch and meet with them, at least occasionally.

When we're infatuated with someone, we may stop focusing on other important aspects of our lives. However, isolating yourself from your support system can be risky.

In the 2017 book Self-Concept Clarity, contributors Kevin McIntyre, Brent Mattingly and Gary Lewandowski Jr. emphasize the importance of maintaining a whole sense of self while dating.

This involves having high self-concept clarity, where you clearly understand who you are and what your values are, maintaining consistent beliefs over time. The higher your self-concept clarity, the more likely you are to experience a satisfying relationship.

Couples with strong self-concepts often work better together, because they understand themselves and can communicate more effectively while maintaining their independence.

Knowing yourself better helps you have stronger, healthier romantic relationships. But to develop a strong sense of self, you need to invest in both platonic and romantic ties that help you grow as an individual. You don't need to have it all figured out to start building meaningful connections, but you do need to consistently take the time to discover and nurture different parts of yourself.

3. Pause Before Making Big Sacrifices For Your Potential Partner

If you've met someone you really like, you might be willing to go the extra mile and do anything for them. That may include sending big sums of money or quitting your job because you want to travel with them without taking the time to reflect on whether these are the best choices for you.

This behavior may stem from your desire to please them. Perhaps, you want to prove your loyalty to them, even at the cost of your own wellbeing. Or maybe, you are scared they'll leave if you refuse to comply with their request.

As a result, you let your emotions override logic. This is a phenomenon called emotional flooding, where you act before assessing whether it's reasonable, mutual and aligned with your long-term values. Sometimes, it's driven by urgency or "action bias" that pushes people to do something now, often just to ease anxiety or tension, even if it's more prudent to wait.

Understanding urgency helps us recognize when we should pause, cool down and think — even when every part of us screams "Do something now!"

Before agreeing to something major, ask yourself: Would I advise a friend in my position to do this? This helps give you a third-person perspective to a situation that you may not otherwise see clearly.

Falling in love is a beautiful process, but try not to ignore the hurdles that come along the way. Sometimes, you need a little awareness to keep drifting in that floaty, in-love feeling, without getting caught in the current.

Do you stay true to yourself when you start dating? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.