3 Ways To Recover From A Relationship With A 'Future Faker'
Nothing hurts more than a broken promise of a life together. Here's three ways to heal from a 'future faker.'
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 11, 2025
It's a familiar story—you meet someone who talks about building a life with you, having kids or creating a safe, loving home. Their words feel so real, so full of promise. You start believing in the future they paint, only to be left blindsided when they suddenly pull away. What's worse is that they probably seemed different than other people you've dated—kind and genuine. Who wouldn't want a future like that?
But then, reality hits—you've been caught in the trap of a "future faker." Future faking refers to when someone makes big promises to win your trust and emotional investment, only to abandon them later on.
It's manipulative, and it can leave you feeling betrayed, confused and doubting your judgment. Healing from this kind of emotional deceit isn't just about moving on—it's about learning to trust again, in love as well as in yourself.
Why Some Partners Create A False Future Together
When a partner keeps breaking their promises, the emotional toll is real—anxiety, self-doubt, grief and a fear of opening up again.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who feel deep love and a strong desire to support their partner tend to make bigger promises. But they may forget that promises require follow-through. Without self-discipline and planning, even the most heartfelt commitments can crumble.
This means that not all future fakers are intentionally deceptive. Some may truly believe in the dreams they share with you, but lack the self-regulation to make them real. When it's time to deliver on their promises, they pull away—not because their feelings were fake, but because they don't know how to turn words into action.
Of course, some intentionally use future faking as a manipulation tactic, fully aware they have no intention of following through. People who knowingly engage in future faking often do so for control, validation or personal gain. By painting an enticing picture of the future, they create an emotional hook, making their partner more invested and less likely to leave.
For some, future faking is a way to fast-track intimacy. By promising long-term commitment, marriage or shared dreams, they gain deep emotional access to their partner without actually having to do the work of building that future. It's a shortcut to trust and devotion—one that benefits them while leaving their partner vulnerable.
The key to moving forward isn't just avoiding people who talk big—it's recognizing who has integrity and emotional accountability to back up their words with real effort.
Here are three ways to heal and open your heart to love again after being with a future faker.
1. Rebuild Your Sense Of Self-Worth
Being manipulated—especially through future faking—can leave deep scars on your self-worth. It's easy to start believing thoughts like "I'm not lovable" or "No one will ever follow through for me." These feelings are real, and they can make moving forward feel overwhelming.
However, self-compassion can be a powerful tool for healing. A 2020 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin shows that when people hold negative beliefs about self-compassion, such as believing that it leads to "complacency, indulgence or irresponsibility," they struggle to practice it, making it harder to cope with painful emotions.
The same thing happens after manipulation—self-doubt and harsh self-judgment can create roadblocks to healing. However, researchers found that practicing self-compassion allows us to cope more adaptively with challenges and enhances intentions toward self-improvement.
To move forward with compassion, challenge self-critical thoughts. Be kind to yourself—acknowledge your pain without blame, remind yourself of your strengths, reflect on your past successes and remember that you deserve love as much as anyone else.
2. Trust patterns, Not Potential
Words can be intoxicating, especially when they paint a beautiful future. But no matter how compelling someone's promises sound, they only hold weight if backed by consistent action. Future fakers rely on the power of words to keep you emotionally hooked, so the key to protecting yourself is learning to separate what's said from what's actually done.
Protecting yourself from future fakers also starts with recognizing red flags early on. Watch for excessive promises with little follow-through, vague timelines and a pattern of avoiding commitment. Trust patterns, not just words.
Strengthen your boundaries by clearly communicating your expectations. If someone's words don't align with their actions, don't hesitate to call it out. More importantly, hold yourself accountable for enforcing your boundaries. This means resisting the urge to make excuses for inconsistency or waiting around for someone to "prove" they meant what they said. Remember, walking away from inconsistency isn't weakness; it's self-respect.
3. Build A Solid Foundation For Love
Not every relationship is built on deception. But how do you know if someone is truly committed? One way to safeguard your heart is to take your time and observe patterns in the relationship.
Does this person follow through on their commitments? Do they communicate openly, even when it's uncomfortable? Do they respect your boundaries instead of just saying they do? A genuine connection isn't rushed or based on high-intensity emotions alone; it's built on consistency, reliability, mutual effort and emotional honesty.
Starting with friendship can be a powerful way to gauge someone's true character. A strong friendship is the heart of a lasting relationship. It provides emotional security, allowing both people to be their authentic selves without the pressure of proving anything.
When someone truly cares, they'll invest in you beyond grand romantic gestures—they'll check in, show up for you in everyday moments and support you in ways that feel steady and sincere. Without that foundation, even the most extravagant displays of love can feel empty.
Additionally, it's important to recognize that trust is also rebuilt through experience, not just by willing yourself to trust again. Healing from future faking means recognizing that while some people deceive, others are genuinely capable of love and commitment. Instead of letting past hurt define your future, use it as a guide to choosing partners who demonstrate integrity through their actions.
At the end of the day, pay more attention to what someone does than what they say. Words can be persuasive, but real commitment is proven through consistent effort, honesty and showing up when it matters most.
Healing from future faking is not a linear process, and setbacks are normal. Instead of dwelling on regret, focus on personal growth and view the experience as a lesson. Each step toward trusting yourself and others again is a victory—so be patient, celebrate your progress and remind yourself that real love is built, not just promised.
Is your partner's inability to live up to their words eroding your love? Take the science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.