3 Ways To Embrace Your Dark Side

Your 'shadow self' may hold more wisdom than you think. Here's how to unlock its secrets.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 11, 2024

Can you imagine a life where your unconscious aligns with your conscious thoughts? Where your actions match your words, even if they may not be accepted by all? Shadow work entails facing and embracing parts of yourself that you don't like or pretend don't exist.

This can include aggressive impulses, shameful experiences, fears, insecurities, taboo mental images, immoral urges, unacceptable sexual desires, irrational wishes and negative emotions, among others.

The self-reflective journey of shadow work urges you to unconditionally and irrevocably accept yourself for who you are and celebrate your individuality.

What Is Our Shadow Self?

Carl Jung, the renowned Swiss Psychologist, introduced the concept of "shadow" in his book Aion in 1951. According to him, the shadow represents the suppressed parts of our identity that we don't want to reveal to others.

These repressed unconscious aspects of ourselves can manifest in a myriad of ways, such as self-sabotaging behavior, emotional outbursts and relationship problems. However, it remains an integral part of who we are, and denying its existence would mean denying our true selves the opportunity to shine through.

Shadow work involves bringing the repressed aspects of our personality into our conscious awareness, acknowledging and embracing them and finally integrating them into our personality to achieve alignment with our true selves and live an authentic and fulfilling life.

There are many ways to explore shadow work, each one unique to the individual. Here are three beginner-friendly ways to uncover hidden aspects of personality.

1. Use Mindfulness To Develop Self-Awareness And Self-Compassion

Before you begin the process of shadow work, create an inner environment of acceptance, self-compassion and open-mindedness. Mindfulness is the anchor of self-awareness, and self-awareness is a precursor to shadow work.

Mindfulness gives you the power to ground and center yourself before you broach any aspect of shadow work. Moreover, mindfulness helps you practice the essential tenet of shadow work—observing your thoughts without judgment.

You may not like what you will discover because these are parts that you deliberately repressed. Therefore, it is necessary to rediscover them without judgment or bias and approach them with acceptance, self-compassion, open-mindedness and self-love.

Accept that all humans possess a shadow self and no one is perfect. People rarely take time for self-discovery—take a moment to be proud and grateful for your initiative.

2. Question Your Projections By Looking Inward

A common way to detect our shadow self is through projection. Projection refers to a defense mechanism where we point out our insecurities in other people. It is a way for our ego to protect us by avoiding our flaws and magnifying them in others.

A study found that projection acts as a mirror in the process of introspection, revealing aspects of ourselves that we may not immediately recognize or acknowledge.

For instance, if you feel jealous when your partner spends time with friends but you deny your own jealousy, you may accuse them of being jealous when they inquire about your friendships.

To delve into your shadow, list the flaws of someone you dislike, then place your name atop the list. Go through the list again and ask yourself questions like:

• Is this a part of me that I am not aware of?
• Have I done, said or felt something recently that may reflect this?
• Why do I have a visceral reaction to these flaws when I should be able to view them objectively?

This exercise can reveal traits of your personality that you dislike, offering valuable self-insight into your inner world. Ignoring your weaknesses incapacitates you, becoming aware of them empowers you.

3. Write To Bring Your Shadows Into The Light

Journaling is another way to discover your shadow as it helps with emotional processing. When writing down your experiences, pay close attention to any extreme reactions to people and situations. Try to think deeper about the root cause of the emotion; it will likely lead you to a hidden aspect of your personality.

For instance, you may write about how terribly your colleague treated you and what an incompetent fool he was to shame you publicly. Some ways down the page, you may find that your anger is partly directed towards yourself because you feel he is right.

Be brutally honest when you discover parts of your shadow self. It requires courage to acknowledge parts of yourself you deem ugly.

Lastly, it may not be the safest idea to do shadow work all alone, especially if you have mental health issues. Don't hesitate to seek the support of a certified practitioner to assist you in your journey to self-discovery.

Does your shadow self berate you into believing you are incompetent? Take this test to gain clarity: Impostor Syndrome Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.